Refining (Part I)

Do you know how a metal is refined to the point of purity?

The metal is placed in a fire and melted and impurities float up to the top and are skimmed off and the process continues and continues and continues until there are no more impurities. I like this explination:

Refining with flame is one of the oldest methods of refining metals. Mentioned even in the bible, refining by fire is the preferable method for larger quantities of gold. In ancient times, this form of refining involved a craftsman sitting next to a hot fire with molten gold in a crucible being stirred and skimmed to remove the impurities or dross that rose to the top of the molten metal. With flames reaching temperatures in excess of 1000 degrees Celsius, this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner.

I especially love that last line "this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner".

And so it is in our own hearts and our walk with the lord. Our Heavenly Father has chosen to take on the dangerous task of refining us... to the point of purity... the point of reflecting nothing but Christ.

I've shared on my blog in the past our experience of our first pregnancy which turned out to be ectopic and the journey the Lord took us (more specifically, me) on as we dealt with those facts. And I've shared about trying to get pregnant again and the continued refinement that the Lord worked in my heart. Then, there was Rhyan. My sweet, almost 4 year old! And I've shared about our loss between Rhyan and Mack. And then there was seeing if what I had learned through the loss of the 1st pregnancy had really, deep down, taught me to trust. Then we had our precious, almost 2 year old Mack.

What I have not yet shared is that we have experienced this refinement and testing once again.

Actually, the day that Rhyan and I left to go to Pigeon Forge with my family (back the 1st week in December), I had a positive pregnancy test! OH, how overwhelming and exciting and terrifying! All rolled into one :-) Is it just me or is every pregnancy that way?! The "OMG! I'm so grateful! So excited" tempered with "OMG! What have we done?!"  haha

So I called Dr Pohl that morning. Because of the fact that we've lost two in the past, one of which being ectopic, I'm considered "high risk" and have to call him as soon as I have a positive test so he can fit me in at 5 weeks to make sure the implantation occurred in the uterus and not a tube again. They scheduled me and said I needed to come in that day for a progesterone test (pregnancy hormone that sustains your pregnancy in the early weeks... actually the 1st trimester). Obviously, that wasnt an option since I was already in NC when we spoke. So, they called in some progesterone to a pharmacy in TN and said at the FIRST sign of spotting or cramping to get it filled and take it.

I ended up being fine for the weekend. I didnt get the Rx filled. I was extremely worried, however, when we went to Dollywood and I rode a kiddie ride with Rhyan. Stupid, i know. But seriously, it was a tiny little ride and I didnt even get butterflies in my tummy. I've seen preggo's ride that kind of ride all the time and asked if it was safe and they assured me that it was up to me b/c they cant be held responsible, but that yes, preggos do ride it safely.

When we got in on Monday, I went on in and had some bloodwork done. My progesterone was indeed low so I started taking it, but we also knew that i could be low b/c i was early in my pregnancy. But its better to be safe than sorry...

I went back 2 more times to check the levels to make sure the HCG hormone was doubling like it should be.

And by the end of the week, I had received a call letting me know that indeed, I was once again miscarrying.

I think the hardest part was telling Jeff. He really wanted each of our kids to be 2 years apart and was THRILLED to find out we were expecting again! So telling him pretty much was the pits.
He was, of course, supportive and understanding and saying that it was fine and we have 2 great kids and can try again later, etc, etc... But i know it was hard.

It took another full week for the miscarriage to actually start (the week before Christmas at this point). My only thought was "please let this be over by Christmas". Everything about miscarrying just stinks. And I was really hoping to be "done" so as to not have any reminders by Christmas Day.

If i sound calloused, its because I did kind of go through this pretty calloused. In the beginning, anyways.

And then the Lord started dealing with me...