So far, we've learned that it is our responsibility in parenting to see past behaviors and identify where the heart has gone astray. In short, we must identify sin and then engage our children and ask heart probing questions to help them realize their own sin. We must side WITH our children against sin and always work on behalf of God in discipline.
Then, in chapter 2 we learned that the "shaping influences" (circumstances) in life are a part of what creates the person our child will become.
And in chapter 3, we will discuss what Tripp refers to as "Godward Orientation".
Essentially, our godward orientation is how we view what "life" gives us. People are either positive in their reaction to life's circumstances, negative towards it or plays victim to it. (this was not stated in the book, it is simply my opinion/view). Some people make lemonade out of lemons, so to speak, and others cry that they didnt want the ingredients for lemonade and demand something different. They never learn to take what is offered and make the most. (I'm being reminded of the parable of the talents [found in Matthew 25]... anyone else?!)
Tripp reminds us to constantly keep Proverbs 4:23 on our hearts and lips: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life".
As a side note, I think that for the sake of being knowledgeable regarding what God says about our hearts (since so many of us do tend to want to listen to it and make decisions based on it.... well, that and hormones ;-) ) that we also keep reminding ourselves of Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all else and desperately wicked. Who should know it?".
OUCH! So, lesson number 1 for all of us: DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. Do not trust it. Unless it lines up with the Word of God, it cannot be trusted. We must keep our own hearts in check, friends! Before we can recognize the falling away of our children, our hearts must first be attuned to God!
I love how Tripp relates our children's heart's to "the world's smallest battlefield" (pg 22). How true!
We are ALL created for worship and WILL worship something. We are never neutral. We must remind ourselves of this when we feel we are just in a "lazy" period of life spiritually...
One of my very favorite books (which i may do another series on, if we all enjoy this one) is "Changed Into His Image" by Jim Berg. In it, he talks about how we are never neutral because life is never still. Spiritual battles are always waging and we are caught in it. Our relationship with the Lord in life is like being on a river. The current of the river is likened to our flesh/sin nature. Its easy to go the way of the current. To go against the current we have to FIGHT. We have to put in effort! And when we get "lazy", the current takes us away, because it is naturally strong. Lord, give us the strength and the DESIRE to move forward! Even in this study, sharpen our focus and help us to pursue you!
Ok, so that was what we call a "freebie" :-) The point? Our children are not neutral. They are worshiping. And lets face it, the easiest thing to worship as a child is ourselves. I mean, the world does kind of revolve around us as kids, right?! I distinctly remember my daughter hitting a point around 2 years old where her favorite/most used word was "mine". And my response (daily, hourly, etc...) was always the same, "sweetheart, nothing in life is yours. the air you breathe is not yours. the toys you play with are not yours. Everything is Gods or Mommy's. But its not yours" :-) haha....
A review of Psalms 58:3 and 51:5 instruct us that we are born sinful. "Man sins because he is a sinner" (20). And just in case we want to believe that this is true of anyone but our sweet, precious child, the bible discusses subtle idols of the heart being "fear of man, evil desires, lusts, pride... embracing earthly mindsets...setting affections on things below" (21). Who has not seen their child take a toy (evil desires?) or refuse to obey (pride?) or lie? We all do this!
"Part of the parent's task is to shepherd him as a creature who worships, pointing him to teh One who alone is worthy of his worship. The question is not "will he worship?" It is always "whom will he worship?" ". (21, 22).
I also LOVE that Tripp points out that we want the "quality of relationships in your home to reflect the grace of God and the mercy for failing sinners that God's character demonstrates." (22) Punishments need to be appropriate! I have a wonderful patient (have I mentioned that I'm a dental hygienist?) who advised me once to pray that the Lord make known to me some times when I need to extend grace to my children in order that they might know God in a more intimate way. We would not want to do this during initial "training" times (consistency is key) but the Lord can help us recognize a time when our children have been working towards dependence on God and yet fall back into their sinful nature and we can choose to offer grace. This is done with a conversation (ie: Rhyan, I noticed that you did not xyz today. Mommy wishes that you would not have made that choice. You know that when you make that choices, you have to xyz (punishment), however, this once, Mommy and Daddy are not going to punish you, but we want you to know that we did see that and we hope very much that you will make a better choice next time you have the opportunity). I love this and have used it a couple of times with Rhyan and it has been so effective in encouraging her! I was afraid it would have the opposite affect and cause her to misbehave more, but she desired to do good and it was obvious! I am convinced that this is a part of what (at least in our home) has built on the quality of our relationship with Rhyan and I am so grateful for that piece of advice :-)
KEY POINT!
I think that we should all have page 23, 2nd paragraph highlighted!
Selfishness is not outgrown. Rebellion against authority is not outgrown. These things are not outgrown because they are not reflective of immaturity but rather of the idolatry of your child's heart! (sin!!!)
Interestingly enough, I learned this very early on in life. As a child, I watched some family members make the same mistakes over and over and over. And I kept thinking "when they're older they'll grow up". But they never did. Well, I like to think that they have now, but WAY past the age of "adulthood". See, i learned that AGE DOES NOT EQUAL MATURITY. But what I now realize is that maturity was not the sole issue to begin with. It rarely is.
I know that in our conversations regarding shaping influences, some of us had concerns over some things that are out of our control that will undoubetedly be a factor in our child's lives. Well, friends, find hope in biblical stories such as that of JOSEPH, JOB, ESTHER, etc... Time and time again, we see that it is not only the circumstances that impact a person, it is their response to what God is doing! And for this reason, what Tripp states at the end of this chapter is critical! "In all of this you must pray that God will work in and around your efforts and the responses of your children to make them people who know and honor God" (25).
Weekly Application:
1. Consider your child's Godward Orientation. Are their responses reflective of a heart that trusts, honors and loves God or one who feels restrained by Him? Are they seeking approval of others or God?
2. PRAY! Ask the Lord for guidance and discernment. Continue to ask for your heart to be discerning of sin vs annoyances and for perhaps an opportunity to show and share grace with your child.
3. As we reflect on our childrens behavior and responses to correction, we need to once again look at our own lives. Are we rebellious regarding authority figures in our lives? Remember, children will learn behaviors even though their own heart may be softer and they may naturally desire to be in submission to authority... if they see their role models consistently ignoring instruction from a pastor, boss, mother/father, spouse, etc., they are much more likely to replicate that behavior.
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