20 weeks

The 20 week ultrasound... its a biggie!

Ok, so maybe I shouldnt blog this but its my memories and my book soooo...

Leading up to this appointment was a rough, rough (understatement) time for Jeff and I. We had just sold the house (post to come... just trying to get all the pregnancy posts done), moved 2 weeks after putting it on the market and I was stressed to the max. And he was stressed. And we were not getting along very well. Eh, everyone has rough patches, right? Good news: we didnt kill each other and made it though. HA!

Jeff didnt plan to come to this ultrasound with me. Which honestly crushed me. He has come to BOTH Rhyan and Mack's 20 week ultrasound and I felt like kid #3 was already getting jipped! NOT ok! So I was very honest with him and he ended up deciding to come. BUT... he wanted to find out the sex of the baby and I didnt. So here we were, not getting along great AND at odds about this!

Jeff suggested that as a positive thing for the two of us to share (and some positive momentum) that we find out together and then just keep it between the two of us for a while, till things settled a bit. So thats what we did. *I honestly regret finding out, friends! This is likely our last baby and was our last chance to be surprised. While it was super good for Jeff and I, I hate that the surprise is taken away!!! :-(

On to the appointment.

We had the time for the ultrasound at 3:00 with an appointment with Dr Pohl right after. Nikki, the ultrasound tech, got us right back! In fact, Jeff was a few minutes late and we started without him, looking for the vital things like organs. But NO peeks between the legs! Everything looked really good. She said I was measuring exactly to the day where I should be. Yay!

When Jeff got there we looked around some more and the baby I guess fell asleep. Nikki was trying to see the baby's face to make sure there was fusion of the palate (eliminating cleft palate) but the baby wouldnt move. I moved from side to side... coughed a good bit, etc. Nothing was waking that baby up!

So we moved on to try to see the gender...
And after a while of getting some decent positioning, we saw

Jeff had already said "allright. we're looking for 3 lines!". He was hoping for a sister for Rhyan. I was seriously fine either way, but he loves having girls. Dont get me wrong, he's super glad to have a boy, too. But I think he feels like one of Mack is enough. HA!

We were of course excited and most of all grateful for the health of the baby! I was BUMMED though to have not gotten a profile shot of the baby at all. I like to post a pic of the profile in the baby's room and to not have one from the 13 week OR this one really bummed me out! But Nikki said she would say it was an "incomplete" or "inconclusive" scan and see if Dr Pohl would ok her doing it again (just a quick one) at my 24 week check so we could check the palate and get a profile shot!

We went back to the waiting room where Jeff literally fell asleep while we waited for Dr Pohl. I mean, snoring loudly kind of sleep. To where EVERYONE in the waiting room looked and chuckled. I *may* have let him go for a minute and recorded it for him while people laughed ;-). I'm a good wife, right?!

I woke him up and told him to head on and get things done and I'd wait solo for the Dr. And boy am I glad I did. I didnt get called back till 4:40 and didnt get seen by him till after 5pm. We had gotten there at 3pm! On the upside, I got in a little nap in the privacy of an exam room while I waited.

And what a waste of time, too. All he did was review the findings of the ultrasound and say everything looks great and I headed out. I wasnt up for asking any questions or getting into conversation seeing as how it was almost dinner time and we were both wanting to get out. That is the longest I've ever waited... he was so backed up! He's totally worth the wait (i LOVE my dr) but I would have preferred they bill my ins co for the appt and let me skip it, honestly! HA!

So 20 weeks and looking good... with our baby GIRL!

I forgot to do any official 20 week pics, so here are a couple from Disney, which was right at the 20/21 week mark

16 week check

My appointment today was at 2:15 with Dr Pohl. I had put 2pm in my phone so as to trick myself into being on time and it worked! I got there at 2:05 ;-) Thats as on time as it gets for me. HA! But what was awesome is that Pam took me right back since I was early. Woohoo! Guess Jeff was right. Grr. Yes, it pained me to say that.

So it was pretty uneventful today (thank goodness). Dr Pohl checked the heartrate (147) and said "boy, that baby's heart is STRONG! And right in the center of your abdomen, perfectly placed". Idk what thats supposed to mean? But i guess its good! He said he guesses its a boy today (this changes weekly with his guesses. I think he forgets that he guessed the opposite sex last time. HA!

He reminded me to stay away from fast food, avoid soft drinks, eat lots of fruits and veggies and lean protein and to be as active as I can and not sit around and watch tv all day. Ok then. Some things to work on ;-)

Other than that he said again that i didnt have to get the flu shot if i didnt want. That he is pretty sure that the CDC shoots darts at a dart board to figure out which vaccine to make each year and that its a good rule of thumb that the flu vaccine almost never hurts to get it, but it only helps every few years, also. I dont like the flu shot anyways and since we are at the end of flu season I decided to opt out for sure.

He also mentioned that we can find out the sex next month and I told him that we are undecided as to if we should be surprised in the delivery room. We have one of each sex kid so part of me thinks we should wait! But Jeff doesnt like that idea at all. So we are in negotiations ;-) I'm not gonna lie, i WANT to know. But i also want to see what its like to be surprised! Decisions, decisions.

My bp continues to be great. 97/62 today. And I've officially gained 1lb now. Although I will be the first to admit that i LOOK like I've gained more than one pound for sure. Prior to getting pregnant, I was walking 2.5-3 miles 5 times a week. I got pregnant, got sick feeling and just stopped. And have yet to get back on. Its my goal this week to get back at it. I know i'm going to be big and semi miserable this summer but I dont want to make it worse by gaining more weight or losing more muscle than I have to.

My other goal for the week is to get a nutribullet and start making smoothies for breakfast (or one meal a day) with ALL the fruits and veggies I need each day. I want my nutrients to come from fresh fruits and veggies and NOT a vitamin. So please, if you know of some good starter recipes, i'd love to hear them! I know i need to include spinach/kale, etc. But i need it to taste more like fruit than veggies :-)

I figured I'd include my 15 week belly pics:

 

Heres a lame-o pic from 17 weeks that I just took of my own belly. This was around the time that our house sold and we were moving...

13 weeks 1 day

So, today (friday, Feb 14th!!) was technically my 12 week appointment. At this appointment you can choose to do genetic testing. We chose not to do so with Rhyan, mostly because Jeff was pretty freaked out and worried about having a baby with special needs and I knew there was some chance that there could be a false positive, so we decided to just skip it.

With Mack, I found out that the "test" was actually an ultrasound. A big, nice ultrasound! So I decided to go for it! ;-) And same this go round. I mean, I already get a LOT of ultrasounds because of being high risk but what Mama doesnt want to see her baby anytime she can?!

With the ice storm that hit on Wednesday, the drs office called and asked to move my appointment to Friday, which was fine. And as it turned out, Jeff was off work on Friday, as well, so he got to come with me! Mama kept the kids for us (thank you mama!) and we were off :-)

We got there pretty early, which is Jeffs pet peeve. He's always lecturing me about how it only takes one patient running late to ruin the entire schedule for the day. Like I'm not in the healthcare profession and Im not aware?! haha. But he really gloated because when we got there the ultrasound tech was running late so the Dr went ahead and got us back to see us since we were there early. I about died because I KNEW i'd never hear the end of it ;-)

So far, I've still not gained any weight according to our scale at home AND according to Dr Pohls scales.

But before Dr Pohl could come in, Nikki (ultrasound tech) was ready for us so we played musical rooms.

The ultrasound was pretty cool. The baby was on its back for the first minute or two (although we didnt get a profile shot! BOO!) and then bam, flipped to hands and knees kind of position. It was crazy! haha. And then I asked "why does it keep jumping like a frog?!" and Nikki told us that he/she actually had the hiccups so it just looked that way. So cute. (I wont lie, i was getting worried about having a crazy amphibian-ish baby... haha).

The nuclefold is this space behind the skull around the spinal cord that they measure to see if its within normal limits. Our baby's was 1.1 and they like it to be 3.something or under. So that was all good.
They also look to be sure there is a nasal bone, which there was. So everything looks good so far! :-)

We tried to look at the baby's booty to see if we could make any guesses for fun but he/she was shy! Actually when she got close to the baby's bootie, it flipped over. Hmm. ;-)

After switching rooms again, Dr Pohl came in just to review the ultrasound findings and confirmed that everything looked good. The heart rate, according to the ultrasound machine, was 150. Go ahead and guess that its a boy. Last ultrasound it was 172 ;-). It varies each appointment and I think is partially related to if I'm well hydrated or not. Yesterday, I was pretty low on fluids and was feeling it. I've got to work on that.

So all is well and I'll go back for a 16 week check up.

And here are the 14 week belly pics, also (after a long days work): 

Weeks 5, 7, 8, 10 checkups

So... since we've had so many miscarriage issues (1 ectopic, 2 miscarriages), our pregnancies are considered "high risk". NOT a fun reason to see the dr so often. However, I'll admit that with the heightened fear I have in the whole first trimester, I gain a lot of peace through having a dr's appt almost weekly it seems for a while!

Our first appointment was one that, thankfully, Jeff was able to attend with me. I was so, so glad. I was just so nervous, as always!

On the first appointment we are always looking for just one thing: an implanted little baby. And as Dr Pohl did the ultrasound I just kept my eyes closed and held Jeff's hand. Until I heard "there it is!" from Dr Pohl and Jeff squeezed my hand and told me to look. And there it was. An implanted little baby.

Happy Tears :-)

Dr Pohl said that the age of the implanted fetus at that point was 5 weeks 3 days and he wanted to see me back the next week or so to check for a heartbeat as one was not visible on this first appointment (which he said is normal... it typically becomes detectable around 6 weeks).

Unfortunately, I cannot find this first ultrasound of the baby. I have NO clue what I did with it! :-(

We made a follow up appointment and while I was so grateful to have seen that the implantation had occurred, i was super concerned about not seeing a heartbeat so worry set in, again. Wahh.

The next appointment was more of the same... another ultrasound! Luckily, because of the school holidays, Jeff was able to come again! More nerves, more worry (All from me!)... but very soon after Dr Pohl started the ultrasound, I could see the heart! I LOVE seeing that flutter :-). He turned up the sound and let us hear the heartbeat. We were estimated at 6 weeks 1 day and the heartrate was 114. I was pretty concerned about that because I know it should be 140 plus, BUT, he said that at 6 weeks its TOTALLY normal to be in the low hundreds and that anything over 70bpm was fine. Shew!

 

And on my third visit, the ultrasound showed me to be 8 weeks 1 day which is exactly how far I had thought we were based on my estimated conception date! The baby's heart rate was 163 and Dr Pohl gave us an official due date of August 21!

 

Because of our past miscarriages and the concern of low progesterone in each case, the very day I got a positive pregnancy test I did two things: Called the dr and went in for bloodwork and then chose to go ahead and start progesterone therapy (pills). The thing about progesterone is that once you start it, you HAVE to stay on it till 12 weeks when a different hormone takes over the support of the pregnancy. So while i HATED starting it before knowing the results of the blood tests, our experience of our loss from a year prior made it no option in my mind. December 2011 when I lost our 5th pregnancy, I was so hesitant to start progesterone and waited and waited and waited till the Dr said I for sure needed to take it... and it was too late. I started miscarrying that next day. And I'll always feel responsible. So being on progesterone for 8 or so weeks, while not ideal (it makes me super, super tired) is really not the worst thing.

I got the results back a couple of days later and as it turns out, my progesterone WAS low and I did need to be on it. While it bothered me that my progesterone is low, I was glad I had started it. Dr Pohl did explain to me, though, that its not uncommon as we get older for our progesterone to naturally be lower and need supportive therapy during the beginning weeks. In other words, I'm getting old. Great ;-)

Other than that, my first 8 weeks were fairly uneventful. I struggled with some constipation early on (again, normal.. sorry for the TMI), some nausea every evening and the typical generalized feeling of being tired.

Dr Pohl said that he wanted to do one more "early" ultrasound at the 10 week mark just as a safety measure. He said that past 10 weeks the rate of miscarriage for those of us with low progesterone lowers to that of a normal/healthy pregnancy. I'm not one to turn down doctors orders and, as I mentioned before, I always like the peace of mind that I get from an ultrasound that lets me see my healthy, growing baby!

 Sorry, I dont have the energy to flip the pics in a different program and re-load them here ;-)

So, that was the first 4 checkups!!!

Trying To Conceive

Planning for your family is something I'm grateful that we have the ability to do in this day and age, and also something I find a bit stressful. I mean, it wasnt ideal that my grandparents had 4 kids spaced over the span of 15ish years, but they didnt really have the ability to plan or control it so they had to just trust the Lord. These days, with all of the ovulation kits and basal temp. charts, etc, etc... we can pretty much know exactly when we ovulate and try to get pregnant. Exciting? Yes. Nerve Wracking? Absolutely.

Jeff and I were pretty sure that we wanted 3 kids total. And then we had Mack. And Lord help... i ADORE my son. But he wears. me. out. We had always considered around the 2 year mark the ideal spacing between kiddos, but after our miscarriage last December (which, if the pregnancy would have been ok, would have given us another 2 year and one month gap) I just wasnt up for trying again so quickly. Mack was in a super fussy stage (like, make me want to jump off a cliff daily kind of stage) and I was really pretty heartbroken about the loss. Plus, we had decided to change church's and I just kind of felt like my life was in an upheaval. I needed time to resettle before considering another baby.

Around April we decided we would "not prevent" getting pregnant. We didnt chart ovulation or anything (not that mine is easy to predict anyways... i have crazy cycles). After a few months of not getting pregnant, in August I got a surprise email from Dr Eric Jones, a dentist in Flowery Branch.

I had applied for a position in his office in Jan/Feb and didnt get offered the job but I was very interested in his practice (b/c he's an incredible dentist, young and at the top of his field, just starting out and I can grow with and retire with him!). I asked him to keep my resume on file and if the practice grew and he needed another hygienist, I would love to be considered.

Well, that time had come. And he offered to 1. do an interview and 2. allow me to do a month long working interview on Monday's so I could decide if I wanted to switch practices.

With the knowledge that i MIGHT be changing jobs, we decided to put the baby making on hold.

I ended up starting to work for Dr Jones in October! VERY exciting! But again, my life was kind of unsettled again and I didnt really want to get pregnant the month I started a new job...

Jeff and I talked and prayed a TON about the pros/cons of trying at that point. Our fear? Waiting may result in our kids being spaced REALLY far apart. I was actually having non-ovulatory cycles and we didnt know for sure if i was ovulating at ALL, so we decided (with some conversations with Dr Pohl) that I would chart ovulation, test progesterone to see if i was actually ovulating and continue to "not prevent".

Well, as it turns out, I ovulated in November/December. And conceived!!!!

I remember taking the pregnancy test knowing in my heart that it would be positive but still getting completely giddy!

And then the reality set in. Not the reality of having another baby. But the reality that exactly a year prior we were pregnant, too. And lost the baby. Just like the two others we have lost. This was my 6th pregnancy and we only have 2 kids... not great odds. But still, I had to try to trust that we had prayed like crazy for Gods timing and so whatever the outcome, I would have to find peace.

Still, one of the HARDEST parts of being pregnant and miscarrying is having to see Jeff's disappointment. It always breaks my heart and I always feel completely to blame, like I did something wrong (despite the fact that he tries SO hard to make sure i DONT feel that way! Its just a natural reaction, I think!).

So... I decided for the first time ever to keep the info to myself until my first ultrasound.
It was torture every single day to know that I knew something so BIG and wasnt sharing it with him. So I lasted for 6 days like that and then had to tell him. I've NEVER kept a secret from Jeff and it just didnt feel ok to do that. We are in this together, good or bad, and I wanted/needed to share my hopes and fears with him! And i felt SUCH relief once I told him! The downside was that I've never done any fun surprise to tell Jeff (literally with Mack I left the positive pregnancy test on his sink... nice, right?!) so I had thought telling him for Christmas would be fun! But I told him about 4 days shy of it and just kind of blurted it out.

Basically, I said "i've been keeping something from  you and need to talk to you... i'm pregnant". He was so excited! And then said "i dont know why you thought you'd keep something from me! you cant keep secrets!" which made me WISH I would have kept it a secret! HA! ;-)

Anyhoo... we were then able to pray together about and for this baby.

So, there it is. I know several friends who are struggling to get pregnant or have suffered many losses as well and my heart just hurts for them. I know how trying and hard this whole process has been for us and we've really not even struggled compared to most! Having said that, we are so grateful for this sweet blessing!

Daddy Daughter Date Night (at CFA)

For the 4th year in a row, Jeff has taken Rhyan for "Daddy/Daughter Date Night" at our local CFA. They always host it in early Feb... last year it was a bit of a bummer b/c Jeff ended up having some baseball stuff on the day of their date. And this year he was serving at Church for our newest (Sat at 5pm) church service! So Rhyan got ready and just met up with him at CFA after church so it worked out just fine!

She was so excited when she was getting ready! She LOVES spending time with her Daddy. Cant blame her! I like date nights with him, too! (and I get about as many as she does... one a year. HA! kidding)

Our CFA does a couple of sweet things for the kids... they have a photographer doing pics in front of a pretty background and they offer limo rides to each "couple". Jeff, however, being the minimalist  that he is... didnt do either one! He said he asked her if she wanted to do a pic and she said "no". And that he asked her if she wanted to ride in the limo, which she turned down as well. It REALLY bummed me out b/c I want her to take advantage of getting to experience anything and everything! But Jeff is all about just keeping things simple and letting her lead on their date nights... so I guess she gets out of the night what she wants... time with her Daddy.

What a great reminder that its not about making things fancy but just spending TIME together :-)

Snow Days

Mommie passed away Sat, Jan 25th. We planned to lay her to rest on Wednesday, but then the weather forecast started predicting snow. You never know what to expect with weather predictions around here so we were all hopeful that it would be fine. But as we left the funeral home Tuesday evening and saw all of the snow and ice that was forming, we knew it wasnt likely to be pretty on Wednesday.

Sure enough, we ended up getting snowed in. Usually thats a really exciting thing around here... but this year, it was just honestly horrible to me. Having nothing to do and being stuck inside with only my thoughts of how much I missed her already and how I wish she could see the snow was just so, so hard. I tend to want to sleep through stress or hard times so it was really tempting to just stay in bed all day and wish the day would pass quickly... but with two babies who get excited about snow, thats not an option!

So, I did what any Mom would do. I tried to focus on making memories with our family, knowing that Mommie would have wanted us to.

The snow was pretty for sure! But man, it was COLD!

The street was pretty icy which made it also pretty dangerous! AKA: hilarious ;-) Mack couldnt walk on it without falling and we were cracking up watching Spud try to walk around on it!

The snow reflected the sun so brightly that it was hard to find a good angle to take a pic without being blinded!

And of course mack was quite unhappy about getting any snow on his gloves. So. High. Maintenance! HA!

Little spud was sticking to walking in other peoples foot prints when he could! Smart fella, huh?!

Our home covered in snow!

I wanted to get a family pic (always!) but (as always!) the boys wouldnt cooperate. Well, spud did!

The kids lasted about 30 min outside playing and then we decided to load them up in the wagon and walk down to our friends house, the Nash's. Well, that was a bad move. The kids got cold when they stopped walking/moving and were pretty much done! And so was the end of any outdoor fun that day.

We also had to make the decision as a family to postpone laying mommie to rest until Thursday when it would be safe for people to get on the roads. It was a hard decision to make, obviously, but one that needed to be made.

Angela, my very best friend, had drove in on Tuesday night in order to help with the funeral on Wednesday (her parents own the funeral home we use) and in general to be there to show her love and support and I felt terrible that she had come in the snow and then had to turn around and go back and didnt even get to be here for the funeral (she had to go back to work). But that effort meant the WORLD to me.

Snow day #1 for 2014. With more to come... (yuck!).

And with that, I was ready for spring ;-)