Ok. So typically my blog is full of pics of my kiddos and family life adventures, etc. Occasionally maybe a post on some health stuff and again, occasionally some deep thought kind of posts. I dont try to avoid anything but seeing as how this blog is my "online journal" of sorts for my kids, I just tend to stay focused on them.
But not today. Today, I read an article that has me in tears. And makes me want to vomit.
And I just simply refuse to allow myself to have a voice in a blog forum where anyone might be made aware of atrocities and to not use it for good on occasion.
Anyone heard of the Dr. Kermit Gosnell trial going on right now? I have been pretty absent from the news/media forums lately so until last week, I had never heard this name.
One evening on my way home last week I was listening to bits and pieces of Eric Erickson. I heard him mention that there was some abortion case getting NO media coverage and how it just goes to show how liberally biased our media coverage is. And then I was home and turned off my car and didnt think another thing about it.
Until today.
When I came across THIS article.
I could write for hours about the disgust I feel over this mans actions, the "blind eye" that was turned by all of the employees and the poor excuse for media reporters that we have in this country.
But instead, I'll just encourage you to read the article for yourself. Beware... it is HORRIFYING. But I think its important that all of us make ourselves aware of the evil heart of man. Remind ourselves of the diligence with which we should approach our prayer life. And help to make others aware of the extreme to which abortion is being taken in this country. And although I am unashamedly pro-life, I cannot imagine not even ONE of my pro-choice friends defending these acts. Here, we can all find common ground, liberal or conservative... no matter the background. No matter the political stance. This is horrifying and we all need to be aware of what is happening in our own back yard.
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Friday, April 12, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Refined (cont...)
Satan has many different tools that he uses. Lies that he tells.
And we have different "buttons" that can be pushed and affect us one way or another.
Because of the timing of the miscarriage, I didnt not have very many people to talk to. The holidays are busy and our small group from church wasn't getting together until the new year. I didnt want to be a debbie downer and randomly call up friends to talk to... but really, I thought that it wasnt that big of a deal (not the miscarriage itself, but the not having people to talk to). I have, after all, been through this twice before and "know" how to handle it. Right?
Wrong.
The thing is, even after dealing with this for 3 times now, I dont think that there is ever any getting used to it or knowing how to handle it. I dont know if this will make sense, but there are just new thoughts and emotions that come each time. Yes, some of the same issues that the Lord brought me through and taught me 4 years ago are lessons that I learned fairly well and could look back on and be reminded of Gods faithfulness. But then, there were some new issues that came up through this situation... hence, the continued refinement.
Does anyone else think its interesting that the SAME type circumstance can be used over and over and teach new things each time? I find it a tad annoying, personally (no offense, God!). I would much prefer to deal with a circumstance once, learn all there is to learn, and never deal with it again. But then, when do we ever learn all there is to learn by experiencing something just once? Yeah, exactly. :-( This is true of losing a loved one, dealing with sickness, job loss, conflict at work, friendships, etc... we learn new things each time as our Refiner digs deeper into our hearts.
In our first loss, God dealt with me on my lack of submission and control freak nature. And while this all stems from pride, it was some of the symptoms of that pride which God dealt with in my heart.
The second loss taught me that i can trust God. I went into it determined to not make the same mistakes and to look back on my past experience and to know that Gods timing is perfect and that I can trust Him. I guess I dealt with the second loss the best.
And honestly, I was pretty proud that I didnt lose it the second go round. I had learned and applied, I thought...
In this situation, I learned something that I already knew but saw the manifestations of in a whole new way.
I am prideful. I know, nothing new, right? But my pride leads me to avoid others. To not want to depend on others. To want to just deal with things myself and never need anyone.
This is something God made me aware of YEARS ago and continues to deal with me on.
The biggest problem with this is that it keeps me from opening up and having intimate conversations with my husband. Now, in all honesty, he's probably been kind of grateful for that ;-) You know, men dont particularly enjoy touchy feely conversations. Well, lucky for him, neither do I. Because, again, I dont like to admit that things bother me and that I may need a shoulder to cry on. Because that would show weakness. Gasp.
And normally I would have a couple of convo's with a friend or two over the phone to discuss my feelings. Youknow the advantage (for someone like me) to a phone conversation is that you dont have to look in someones eyes and get to the heart of the matter. You can hold back tears and only go so deep and the person on the other line never knows that there is more. In person, they can sense that by seeing your facial expression... see you hold back the hurt or anger or tears. In a world where texting, facebooking, blogging, IMing and the rare phone conversation are as intimate as it gets, we have forgotten just how telling it is to look into someones eyes and on their face.
So, I convinced myself that it didnt matter that we werent having small group. That I shouldnt call and burden my BFF's. That this was a happy time of year and that I should just keep busy and join in the fun and everything would be fine.
But weeks passed and I felt myself feeling more alone than ever. I had isolated myself. Built protective little walls around my heart so that no one could see that I was hurting. And the worst part? I had convinced myself that I should be proud of myself for doing so! (more pride...). But in reality, I had quite effectively kept out those who love me. The Lord. My friends. My husband.
Instead, I turned to staying up late and just surfing on the internet or watching tv. Anything mindless that would keep my heart from being engaged in a conversation. I avoided reading Gods Word. Avoided praying. Avoided anything past a superficial conversation with anyone. And my sleep deprivation made me testy and impatient with my children, yet I continued to pursue mindless entertainment.
Until one day when my friend Emily and I were instant messaging and I could just feel everything starting to come out. Its easy to type how you feel, youknow. Thats why there are so many of us bloggers out there... its cathartic to write out how we feel. I might mention here, however, that a prayer journal is a MUCH more effective tool to not only write out how we feel, but to pursue an intimate relationship with God, as to where blogging just makes us temporarily feel better ;-) (preaching to the choir).
I knew that I needed to open up to the Lord and my husband. But lie #2 started to sink in: its too awkward to talk about it out of the blue.
Fact: it is awkward. Another Fact: it is worth it.
I found myself in the situation of so many others that I've counseled who have said "I just dont know where to begin". My advice has always been to encourage them to start off with "i feel kind of awkward talking... i know i've been avoiding talking some things over with you...". Just start somewhere.
So, I had to take my own advice.
First, I had to open up to the Lord and confess my pridefulness. Hard as that was, it was such a relief. Knowing that there is something between you and the Lord is an extremely stressful place to be. Same with my hubby. He knew that there was something "off" and as much as we both didnt want to talk about it, we both knew it needed to happen.
I'll spare the details, but what is amazing is the closeness I've enjoyed since with both the Lord and Jeff. It was humbling to have to 1. have a conversation 2. admit that i was hurting 3. admit that i had been prideful.
But God tells us over and over that it is not a sacrifice that he desires but obedience. And in this case, the step of obedience that I needed to take was to lay down my pride.
So, I'd love to say that I've learned all there is to learn and that it would be fruitless for the Lord to allow me to go through another miscarriage. But I'm sure that's not the case. And as much as I dread these trials and would never choose to go through them, I also wouldnt trade the growth, spiritually.
2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.. -James 1: 2-5
This experience brought us to more life decisions, as well, which I'll talk about next...
And we have different "buttons" that can be pushed and affect us one way or another.
Because of the timing of the miscarriage, I didnt not have very many people to talk to. The holidays are busy and our small group from church wasn't getting together until the new year. I didnt want to be a debbie downer and randomly call up friends to talk to... but really, I thought that it wasnt that big of a deal (not the miscarriage itself, but the not having people to talk to). I have, after all, been through this twice before and "know" how to handle it. Right?
Wrong.
The thing is, even after dealing with this for 3 times now, I dont think that there is ever any getting used to it or knowing how to handle it. I dont know if this will make sense, but there are just new thoughts and emotions that come each time. Yes, some of the same issues that the Lord brought me through and taught me 4 years ago are lessons that I learned fairly well and could look back on and be reminded of Gods faithfulness. But then, there were some new issues that came up through this situation... hence, the continued refinement.
Does anyone else think its interesting that the SAME type circumstance can be used over and over and teach new things each time? I find it a tad annoying, personally (no offense, God!). I would much prefer to deal with a circumstance once, learn all there is to learn, and never deal with it again. But then, when do we ever learn all there is to learn by experiencing something just once? Yeah, exactly. :-( This is true of losing a loved one, dealing with sickness, job loss, conflict at work, friendships, etc... we learn new things each time as our Refiner digs deeper into our hearts.
In our first loss, God dealt with me on my lack of submission and control freak nature. And while this all stems from pride, it was some of the symptoms of that pride which God dealt with in my heart.
The second loss taught me that i can trust God. I went into it determined to not make the same mistakes and to look back on my past experience and to know that Gods timing is perfect and that I can trust Him. I guess I dealt with the second loss the best.
And honestly, I was pretty proud that I didnt lose it the second go round. I had learned and applied, I thought...
In this situation, I learned something that I already knew but saw the manifestations of in a whole new way.
I am prideful. I know, nothing new, right? But my pride leads me to avoid others. To not want to depend on others. To want to just deal with things myself and never need anyone.
This is something God made me aware of YEARS ago and continues to deal with me on.
The biggest problem with this is that it keeps me from opening up and having intimate conversations with my husband. Now, in all honesty, he's probably been kind of grateful for that ;-) You know, men dont particularly enjoy touchy feely conversations. Well, lucky for him, neither do I. Because, again, I dont like to admit that things bother me and that I may need a shoulder to cry on. Because that would show weakness. Gasp.
And normally I would have a couple of convo's with a friend or two over the phone to discuss my feelings. Youknow the advantage (for someone like me) to a phone conversation is that you dont have to look in someones eyes and get to the heart of the matter. You can hold back tears and only go so deep and the person on the other line never knows that there is more. In person, they can sense that by seeing your facial expression... see you hold back the hurt or anger or tears. In a world where texting, facebooking, blogging, IMing and the rare phone conversation are as intimate as it gets, we have forgotten just how telling it is to look into someones eyes and on their face.
So, I convinced myself that it didnt matter that we werent having small group. That I shouldnt call and burden my BFF's. That this was a happy time of year and that I should just keep busy and join in the fun and everything would be fine.
But weeks passed and I felt myself feeling more alone than ever. I had isolated myself. Built protective little walls around my heart so that no one could see that I was hurting. And the worst part? I had convinced myself that I should be proud of myself for doing so! (more pride...). But in reality, I had quite effectively kept out those who love me. The Lord. My friends. My husband.
Instead, I turned to staying up late and just surfing on the internet or watching tv. Anything mindless that would keep my heart from being engaged in a conversation. I avoided reading Gods Word. Avoided praying. Avoided anything past a superficial conversation with anyone. And my sleep deprivation made me testy and impatient with my children, yet I continued to pursue mindless entertainment.
Until one day when my friend Emily and I were instant messaging and I could just feel everything starting to come out. Its easy to type how you feel, youknow. Thats why there are so many of us bloggers out there... its cathartic to write out how we feel. I might mention here, however, that a prayer journal is a MUCH more effective tool to not only write out how we feel, but to pursue an intimate relationship with God, as to where blogging just makes us temporarily feel better ;-) (preaching to the choir).
I knew that I needed to open up to the Lord and my husband. But lie #2 started to sink in: its too awkward to talk about it out of the blue.
Fact: it is awkward. Another Fact: it is worth it.
I found myself in the situation of so many others that I've counseled who have said "I just dont know where to begin". My advice has always been to encourage them to start off with "i feel kind of awkward talking... i know i've been avoiding talking some things over with you...". Just start somewhere.
So, I had to take my own advice.
First, I had to open up to the Lord and confess my pridefulness. Hard as that was, it was such a relief. Knowing that there is something between you and the Lord is an extremely stressful place to be. Same with my hubby. He knew that there was something "off" and as much as we both didnt want to talk about it, we both knew it needed to happen.
I'll spare the details, but what is amazing is the closeness I've enjoyed since with both the Lord and Jeff. It was humbling to have to 1. have a conversation 2. admit that i was hurting 3. admit that i had been prideful.
But God tells us over and over that it is not a sacrifice that he desires but obedience. And in this case, the step of obedience that I needed to take was to lay down my pride.
So, I'd love to say that I've learned all there is to learn and that it would be fruitless for the Lord to allow me to go through another miscarriage. But I'm sure that's not the case. And as much as I dread these trials and would never choose to go through them, I also wouldnt trade the growth, spiritually.
2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.. -James 1: 2-5
This experience brought us to more life decisions, as well, which I'll talk about next...
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Refining (Part I)
Do you know how a metal is refined to the point of purity?
The metal is placed in a fire and melted and impurities float up to the top and are skimmed off and the process continues and continues and continues until there are no more impurities. I like this explination:
Refining with flame is one of the oldest methods of refining metals. Mentioned even in the bible, refining by fire is the preferable method for larger quantities of gold. In ancient times, this form of refining involved a craftsman sitting next to a hot fire with molten gold in a crucible being stirred and skimmed to remove the impurities or dross that rose to the top of the molten metal. With flames reaching temperatures in excess of 1000 degrees Celsius, this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner.
I especially love that last line "this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner".
And so it is in our own hearts and our walk with the lord. Our Heavenly Father has chosen to take on the dangerous task of refining us... to the point of purity... the point of reflecting nothing but Christ.
I've shared on my blog in the past our experience of our first pregnancy which turned out to be ectopic and the journey the Lord took us (more specifically, me) on as we dealt with those facts. And I've shared about trying to get pregnant again and the continued refinement that the Lord worked in my heart. Then, there was Rhyan. My sweet, almost 4 year old! And I've shared about our loss between Rhyan and Mack. And then there was seeing if what I had learned through the loss of the 1st pregnancy had really, deep down, taught me to trust. Then we had our precious, almost 2 year old Mack.
What I have not yet shared is that we have experienced this refinement and testing once again.
Actually, the day that Rhyan and I left to go to Pigeon Forge with my family (back the 1st week in December), I had a positive pregnancy test! OH, how overwhelming and exciting and terrifying! All rolled into one :-) Is it just me or is every pregnancy that way?! The "OMG! I'm so grateful! So excited" tempered with "OMG! What have we done?!" haha
So I called Dr Pohl that morning. Because of the fact that we've lost two in the past, one of which being ectopic, I'm considered "high risk" and have to call him as soon as I have a positive test so he can fit me in at 5 weeks to make sure the implantation occurred in the uterus and not a tube again. They scheduled me and said I needed to come in that day for a progesterone test (pregnancy hormone that sustains your pregnancy in the early weeks... actually the 1st trimester). Obviously, that wasnt an option since I was already in NC when we spoke. So, they called in some progesterone to a pharmacy in TN and said at the FIRST sign of spotting or cramping to get it filled and take it.
I ended up being fine for the weekend. I didnt get the Rx filled. I was extremely worried, however, when we went to Dollywood and I rode a kiddie ride with Rhyan. Stupid, i know. But seriously, it was a tiny little ride and I didnt even get butterflies in my tummy. I've seen preggo's ride that kind of ride all the time and asked if it was safe and they assured me that it was up to me b/c they cant be held responsible, but that yes, preggos do ride it safely.
When we got in on Monday, I went on in and had some bloodwork done. My progesterone was indeed low so I started taking it, but we also knew that i could be low b/c i was early in my pregnancy. But its better to be safe than sorry...
I went back 2 more times to check the levels to make sure the HCG hormone was doubling like it should be.
And by the end of the week, I had received a call letting me know that indeed, I was once again miscarrying.
I think the hardest part was telling Jeff. He really wanted each of our kids to be 2 years apart and was THRILLED to find out we were expecting again! So telling him pretty much was the pits.
He was, of course, supportive and understanding and saying that it was fine and we have 2 great kids and can try again later, etc, etc... But i know it was hard.
It took another full week for the miscarriage to actually start (the week before Christmas at this point). My only thought was "please let this be over by Christmas". Everything about miscarrying just stinks. And I was really hoping to be "done" so as to not have any reminders by Christmas Day.
If i sound calloused, its because I did kind of go through this pretty calloused. In the beginning, anyways.
And then the Lord started dealing with me...
The metal is placed in a fire and melted and impurities float up to the top and are skimmed off and the process continues and continues and continues until there are no more impurities. I like this explination:
Refining with flame is one of the oldest methods of refining metals. Mentioned even in the bible, refining by fire is the preferable method for larger quantities of gold. In ancient times, this form of refining involved a craftsman sitting next to a hot fire with molten gold in a crucible being stirred and skimmed to remove the impurities or dross that rose to the top of the molten metal. With flames reaching temperatures in excess of 1000 degrees Celsius, this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner.
I especially love that last line "this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner".
And so it is in our own hearts and our walk with the lord. Our Heavenly Father has chosen to take on the dangerous task of refining us... to the point of purity... the point of reflecting nothing but Christ.
I've shared on my blog in the past our experience of our first pregnancy which turned out to be ectopic and the journey the Lord took us (more specifically, me) on as we dealt with those facts. And I've shared about trying to get pregnant again and the continued refinement that the Lord worked in my heart. Then, there was Rhyan. My sweet, almost 4 year old! And I've shared about our loss between Rhyan and Mack. And then there was seeing if what I had learned through the loss of the 1st pregnancy had really, deep down, taught me to trust. Then we had our precious, almost 2 year old Mack.
What I have not yet shared is that we have experienced this refinement and testing once again.
Actually, the day that Rhyan and I left to go to Pigeon Forge with my family (back the 1st week in December), I had a positive pregnancy test! OH, how overwhelming and exciting and terrifying! All rolled into one :-) Is it just me or is every pregnancy that way?! The "OMG! I'm so grateful! So excited" tempered with "OMG! What have we done?!" haha
So I called Dr Pohl that morning. Because of the fact that we've lost two in the past, one of which being ectopic, I'm considered "high risk" and have to call him as soon as I have a positive test so he can fit me in at 5 weeks to make sure the implantation occurred in the uterus and not a tube again. They scheduled me and said I needed to come in that day for a progesterone test (pregnancy hormone that sustains your pregnancy in the early weeks... actually the 1st trimester). Obviously, that wasnt an option since I was already in NC when we spoke. So, they called in some progesterone to a pharmacy in TN and said at the FIRST sign of spotting or cramping to get it filled and take it.
I ended up being fine for the weekend. I didnt get the Rx filled. I was extremely worried, however, when we went to Dollywood and I rode a kiddie ride with Rhyan. Stupid, i know. But seriously, it was a tiny little ride and I didnt even get butterflies in my tummy. I've seen preggo's ride that kind of ride all the time and asked if it was safe and they assured me that it was up to me b/c they cant be held responsible, but that yes, preggos do ride it safely.
When we got in on Monday, I went on in and had some bloodwork done. My progesterone was indeed low so I started taking it, but we also knew that i could be low b/c i was early in my pregnancy. But its better to be safe than sorry...
I went back 2 more times to check the levels to make sure the HCG hormone was doubling like it should be.
And by the end of the week, I had received a call letting me know that indeed, I was once again miscarrying.
I think the hardest part was telling Jeff. He really wanted each of our kids to be 2 years apart and was THRILLED to find out we were expecting again! So telling him pretty much was the pits.
He was, of course, supportive and understanding and saying that it was fine and we have 2 great kids and can try again later, etc, etc... But i know it was hard.
It took another full week for the miscarriage to actually start (the week before Christmas at this point). My only thought was "please let this be over by Christmas". Everything about miscarrying just stinks. And I was really hoping to be "done" so as to not have any reminders by Christmas Day.
If i sound calloused, its because I did kind of go through this pretty calloused. In the beginning, anyways.
And then the Lord started dealing with me...
Saturday, March 9, 2013
How to Look for a New Church
So... apparently there's no manual on how to go about this process.
My thoughts (being the analytical person that I am) are that we should make a long list and visit each church and create from it a short list and visit each a few times before narrowing it down to a couple that we really like and THEN start taking the kids with us to those two or so to see where they fit, etc. (in the meanwhile, they are still attending out "old" church with my mom).
Jeff doesnt quite like my plan. Tonight, on the way home from dinner, I said "where do you want to visit tomorrow" and he said "Wanna go back to Bethlehem?" (the ONLY place we've visited so far). I said "shouldnt we try someplace new?" and he said... wait for it...
"How about if we just go where we want to go. I mean, if we like a place and we think we'd like to go back, why do we have to go somewhere else? Lets just go where we like it and do what makes us happy".
Hmmmm....
Conclusion: Women are from earth and men are terrestrial beings who dont quite get it ;-)
How have YOU gone about looking for a new church home? Any tips?
I still want to visit Hebron (which Jeff is all for) but only if we can go to a sunday school class, too, b/c the church is WAY too big to think we're going to be comfortable just going to the service. And there's a smaller church down the road that is very interesting to me but Jeff doesnt seem to have much of an interest (kids 4 and up go to the service WITH the parents.... the church feels its really important that families worship together and while thats not the "easiest" thing to do, I kind of think it might be great).
Praying for unity. And that the pastor of Bethlehem Baptist will stop having such great sermon series so we can visit somewhere else for once! ;-)
DONT FORGET TO SET YOUR CLOCKS FORWARD ONE HOUR TONIGHT! Yep, time to lose an hour of sleep (dont be late for church!!!) and start enjoying the daylight a little longer in the evening!
My thoughts (being the analytical person that I am) are that we should make a long list and visit each church and create from it a short list and visit each a few times before narrowing it down to a couple that we really like and THEN start taking the kids with us to those two or so to see where they fit, etc. (in the meanwhile, they are still attending out "old" church with my mom).
Jeff doesnt quite like my plan. Tonight, on the way home from dinner, I said "where do you want to visit tomorrow" and he said "Wanna go back to Bethlehem?" (the ONLY place we've visited so far). I said "shouldnt we try someplace new?" and he said... wait for it...
"How about if we just go where we want to go. I mean, if we like a place and we think we'd like to go back, why do we have to go somewhere else? Lets just go where we like it and do what makes us happy".
Hmmmm....
Conclusion: Women are from earth and men are terrestrial beings who dont quite get it ;-)
How have YOU gone about looking for a new church home? Any tips?
I still want to visit Hebron (which Jeff is all for) but only if we can go to a sunday school class, too, b/c the church is WAY too big to think we're going to be comfortable just going to the service. And there's a smaller church down the road that is very interesting to me but Jeff doesnt seem to have much of an interest (kids 4 and up go to the service WITH the parents.... the church feels its really important that families worship together and while thats not the "easiest" thing to do, I kind of think it might be great).
Praying for unity. And that the pastor of Bethlehem Baptist will stop having such great sermon series so we can visit somewhere else for once! ;-)
DONT FORGET TO SET YOUR CLOCKS FORWARD ONE HOUR TONIGHT! Yep, time to lose an hour of sleep (dont be late for church!!!) and start enjoying the daylight a little longer in the evening!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Lessons in Humility
Its amazing that in todays world of technology that anyone can feel lonely or alone. I mean, most of us text, email, facebook, instant message and talk on the phone daily. At least I know I do.
And even so, some days something silly happens that shouldnt mean much but for some reason does and I feel lonely. Isoloated. Alone.
My feelings are not unwarranted, but nor are they entirely true. Yes, people whom I love hurt me sometimes. Yes, they can unintentionally make me feel left out. But the fact remains that for all of those who I love deeper than the love that is repaid, I have others who love me more than I them.
See, if I'm learning anything its that the way that others sometimes unintentionally make me feel is likely the way I make others feel, as well. A sweet young girl may reach out to me and I might ignore it because I'm so focused on this other friend of mine who just ignored me and hurt my feelings.
Hmmm...
So I've made a decision. I am deciding to not be bitter when people I love invite others to do things and not me. Deciding to not be angry when friends I adore have private conversations that dont include me. Deciding not to focus on my own hurt as much when I feel looked over or left out.
Instead, I think I'll choose to invest my time more wisely into those who DO want to be a part of my life. And those people may not look like or sound like or act like my idea of a "cool friend" like those who I long to be included with (trying desperately to be honest), but none the less, those who ARE drawn to me are the people that God has laid at my doorstep and asked me to love. They are His creation who may or may not know Him in a personal relationship and may be attracted to something about me that draws them to Him.
The point is, how will I ever know unless I get to know them.
And, it may be, that they have something to teach me.
A lesson in humility is being taught to my heart. A lesson in how to love others. A lesson in how to put others first. And Im grateful for the lessons...
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.
Hebrews 12:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Phillipians 1:6
And even so, some days something silly happens that shouldnt mean much but for some reason does and I feel lonely. Isoloated. Alone.
My feelings are not unwarranted, but nor are they entirely true. Yes, people whom I love hurt me sometimes. Yes, they can unintentionally make me feel left out. But the fact remains that for all of those who I love deeper than the love that is repaid, I have others who love me more than I them.
See, if I'm learning anything its that the way that others sometimes unintentionally make me feel is likely the way I make others feel, as well. A sweet young girl may reach out to me and I might ignore it because I'm so focused on this other friend of mine who just ignored me and hurt my feelings.
Hmmm...
So I've made a decision. I am deciding to not be bitter when people I love invite others to do things and not me. Deciding to not be angry when friends I adore have private conversations that dont include me. Deciding not to focus on my own hurt as much when I feel looked over or left out.
Instead, I think I'll choose to invest my time more wisely into those who DO want to be a part of my life. And those people may not look like or sound like or act like my idea of a "cool friend" like those who I long to be included with (trying desperately to be honest), but none the less, those who ARE drawn to me are the people that God has laid at my doorstep and asked me to love. They are His creation who may or may not know Him in a personal relationship and may be attracted to something about me that draws them to Him.
The point is, how will I ever know unless I get to know them.
And, it may be, that they have something to teach me.
A lesson in humility is being taught to my heart. A lesson in how to love others. A lesson in how to put others first. And Im grateful for the lessons...
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.
Hebrews 12:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Phillipians 1:6
Monday, November 12, 2012
A Better Me
FACT: Did you know that the average projected lifespan these days is 78 years old? And I'm sure we've all heard that for the first time ever, the current generation is not expected to live as long as their parents due to obesity and disease. Things that make you go "hmmmmm".
My Mommie fell last December. This is my Grandmother who raised me. She slipped on some ice on the front porch in December and broke her knee cap in half, requiring surgery to have it repaired. Long story short, she subsequently got MRSA (an antibiotic-resistant staph infection) which required 6 weeks of daily IV dose vancomycin. The "vanc" caused an intestinal infection due to it killing off all of the good bacteria in her gut (dr's dont often think of details like protecting you intestinal flora while taking antibiotics, but this really is a NECESSARY thing to do! Probiotics are your best friend!). Well, it turns out that when you do not properly digest food, it is difficult to regulate blood thinner levels. So her platelets went so low (twice) that she required bags of platelets and the thinner levels were toxic. Eventually, the dr's decided to take her off of the blood thinners she was on for her A-fib (a chamber of her heart doesnt pump hard enough, allowing some blood to remain or "pool" up in the area and potentially cause clots). Then, she had a stroke. She recovered (thank Jesus) from her "moderate" stroke only to have her beta blockers (the meds that help stabalize her heart rhythm... it tends to beat too fast to make up for the ineffective atrium) hit a toxic level and land her in the hospital for a 10th time since December (it was only June!). Finally, in September, Mommie began to suffer from congestive heart failure and yet a new era of treatment has begun.
Is anyone else exhausted reading that? Can you imagine the effect that it has had on my 81 year old Mommie? Praise God, she is doing SO very well right now... but she has been at deaths door more than once this year...
Watching Mommie suffer through all her body has had to endure this year has made me really think about that earlier statistic I told you about. The average life expectancy is 78 years old. Mommie has already beat that by 3 years (but is anyone else thinking 78 sounds awfully YOUNG?! I'm pulling for 90!). But as you read, this last year has been hard, to say the least.
If given the chance to live to be 81, I'd really really like to be the healthiest 81 year old I can be. Everyone feels that way, obviously... but the question is, do our daily actions and choices reflect our desire to be healthy that far into our future. We all know that our choices tend to catch up with us. I like to think of myself as "healthy"; I have never smoked, have never drank alcohol, rarely drink sodas, etc... My cholesterol is low, bp is low, weight is ok (not great, but ok)... still, i KNOW that regardless of what the scale and bloodwork say, I really am not healthy. I have the facade of health only because age is on my side... for now.
But when I think about what I will be like at 81... well, that scares me. I am already pretty stiff (can barely touch my toes!) and I am a believer that the more flexible we can stay, the better we fare in terms of injuries. Cardiovascular-wise, I'm pitiful. I do not work out. I take my "facade" for granted and convince even myself that if I were in too bad of shape, I'd be heavy or have high cholesterol or something. But for those of us who are still "young", that is simply NOT TRUE!
The truth is exactly what I tell my slacker teenage patients ALL DAY LONG... while we are young, our bodies pick up our slack for us. Our liver and bladder and lymph system work overtime to clear toxins. Our heart beats very efficiently because it is still young and not yet tired. Our immune system takes care of bacteria in our mouths that we do not clear out via brushing and flossing, giving us the appearance of good oral health. And we take it all for granted. And continue to live our slack lifestyle.
And then one day, our bodies start getting tired of doing all the hard work. The immune system has to start working on clearing other bacteria/viruses that our livers and lymph systems are not able to clear as efficiently anymore. Priorities change for our organs, and our bodies start to "show their age" so to speak.
I am also a big believer in genetics. I have a patient who is a tri-athalon-er. He runs on average 40 miles a week. He swims. He bikes. He is a VEGETARIAN! He avoids alcohol and doesnt smoke. His cholesterol is low, bp is good and is a picture of health. However, at age 41, he suffered a MASSIVE heart attack and required a 5 bypass surgery. What the heck, right?!
People respond to this story one of two ways.
1. "See, it doesnt matter what you do... if its genetic, its gonna get you. You may as well live life and enjoy it and not worry".
OR, my response which is...
2. "See, even genetics can be overcome to some extent. Had this man not been conditioned and well trained and as HIS best health, that heart attack, NO DOUBT, would have ended his life. And instead, he continues to live because he was in teh best shape he could be and was able to live through what his genetics handed to him!"
I want desperately to be the latter of the two. I do not want to be a victim of genetics or circumstance. I want to take control and do the best I can to be a good steward of my health... so that no matter what happens to my body, I can live without (too much) regret, wondering if I could have changed the outcome.
So began my desire to be healthier...
I had a patient who came in, had lost 30lbs and was feeling great. She revealed that she was eating healthier and using Advocare's 24 day challenge to jumpstart her new lifestyle. "Interesting", i thought. And didnt think another thing about it... Until my friend, Danielle (who is insanely healthy!) started writing about it on her blog. I contacted her about the products, found out that she was a distributor and after talking to Jeff, we decided to BOTH do the challenge to kick start some better days ahead ;-)
The rest is kind of history. I lost 6lbs, am back in my pre-pregnancy clothing! and have more energy than I remember having in YEARS.
Jeff lost 11lbs and is feeling great! He actually recently decided to train for a FULL marathon! He has done lots of 1/2ers, but never a full! But he is feeling confident(ish?!) that he can get this off his bucket list and not die trying :-)
Since the challenge, I have continued with the meal replacement shakes for breakfast. Its such a SIMPLE, healthy, no brainer to start my day with a perfect 1:1 carb/protein ratio! and SPARK (i seriously love that!) to help me get through my afternoon "lull" w/o downing sugar that wears off quickly . Coreplex as my daily multivitamin in conjunction with omegaplex for the healthy omega fatty acids (hey, its Dr. Oz approved... as in ADVOCARE is Dr Oz approved!) and catalyst to help me with my muscle tone. I just ordered some O2 Gold which helps with Oxygen absorption during exercise and I'm hoping that it will help with being able to run and not get a side stitch :-) Boy, that would be AWESOME! haha. I have maintained my weight loss and am really enjoying feeling like my old self again, but BETTER! Healthier.
TMI, but i have "ibs" (irritable bowel syndrome). My Dr recommended back in the spring that I do an "elimination diet" where I eat boiled rice only for so many days, then add boiled eggs for so many days, etc... so as to identify what is aggravating my stomach. One reason I decided to do the challenge was because of the cleanse... I was hoping that it would help to "restart" my system. My IBS had gotten so bad that at times, i would have an allergic reaction of sorts to foods. Upset stomach was the least of my troubles... my eyes and throat would swell and itch, lungs got tight, broke out in hives... I for real thought I'd die some nights! Ok, maybe that sounds dramatic, but it was SCARY!
But since doing the challenge back in the summer, I literally have not had one episode. Yes, I'm eating healthier. But i really do attribute the improvement to the cleanse... because even before the challenge, I could be on a healthy eating kick and STILL get an upset stomach! SOOOO frustrating! So I'm thrilled to have gotten rid of that part of life :-)
Overall, I've loved the products. I've even started (prepare for it..... hold onto your chairs) started running! GASP! Something I've NEVER done before! Granted, its only a mile or so at a time, but its a step towards better health, and thats what this is all about. Making small, daily choices. Trusting and knowing that these good choices today WILL benefit me in the future. And more importantly, knowing that if i dont make these choices, I will regret it later.
Later is longer, folks. Now, thats some wisdom for you :-)
Its true, though. The discomfort of starting some better habits in food choices and exercise are short lived. The impact of choosing to NOT change will last.
So, heres to a better me... and I hope that some others may decide to come along. I'd love to have some friends in the retirement home when I'm rockin 90 years old ;-)
If you're interested in the challenge or have any questions, feel free to email me at forddygirl@yahoo.com. You can also click the links above (text in a different color) to see video's about the challenge and testimonials on Danielle's blog or click HERE to check out any of the products on the advocare site.
My Mommie fell last December. This is my Grandmother who raised me. She slipped on some ice on the front porch in December and broke her knee cap in half, requiring surgery to have it repaired. Long story short, she subsequently got MRSA (an antibiotic-resistant staph infection) which required 6 weeks of daily IV dose vancomycin. The "vanc" caused an intestinal infection due to it killing off all of the good bacteria in her gut (dr's dont often think of details like protecting you intestinal flora while taking antibiotics, but this really is a NECESSARY thing to do! Probiotics are your best friend!). Well, it turns out that when you do not properly digest food, it is difficult to regulate blood thinner levels. So her platelets went so low (twice) that she required bags of platelets and the thinner levels were toxic. Eventually, the dr's decided to take her off of the blood thinners she was on for her A-fib (a chamber of her heart doesnt pump hard enough, allowing some blood to remain or "pool" up in the area and potentially cause clots). Then, she had a stroke. She recovered (thank Jesus) from her "moderate" stroke only to have her beta blockers (the meds that help stabalize her heart rhythm... it tends to beat too fast to make up for the ineffective atrium) hit a toxic level and land her in the hospital for a 10th time since December (it was only June!). Finally, in September, Mommie began to suffer from congestive heart failure and yet a new era of treatment has begun.
Is anyone else exhausted reading that? Can you imagine the effect that it has had on my 81 year old Mommie? Praise God, she is doing SO very well right now... but she has been at deaths door more than once this year...
Watching Mommie suffer through all her body has had to endure this year has made me really think about that earlier statistic I told you about. The average life expectancy is 78 years old. Mommie has already beat that by 3 years (but is anyone else thinking 78 sounds awfully YOUNG?! I'm pulling for 90!). But as you read, this last year has been hard, to say the least.
If given the chance to live to be 81, I'd really really like to be the healthiest 81 year old I can be. Everyone feels that way, obviously... but the question is, do our daily actions and choices reflect our desire to be healthy that far into our future. We all know that our choices tend to catch up with us. I like to think of myself as "healthy"; I have never smoked, have never drank alcohol, rarely drink sodas, etc... My cholesterol is low, bp is low, weight is ok (not great, but ok)... still, i KNOW that regardless of what the scale and bloodwork say, I really am not healthy. I have the facade of health only because age is on my side... for now.
But when I think about what I will be like at 81... well, that scares me. I am already pretty stiff (can barely touch my toes!) and I am a believer that the more flexible we can stay, the better we fare in terms of injuries. Cardiovascular-wise, I'm pitiful. I do not work out. I take my "facade" for granted and convince even myself that if I were in too bad of shape, I'd be heavy or have high cholesterol or something. But for those of us who are still "young", that is simply NOT TRUE!
The truth is exactly what I tell my slacker teenage patients ALL DAY LONG... while we are young, our bodies pick up our slack for us. Our liver and bladder and lymph system work overtime to clear toxins. Our heart beats very efficiently because it is still young and not yet tired. Our immune system takes care of bacteria in our mouths that we do not clear out via brushing and flossing, giving us the appearance of good oral health. And we take it all for granted. And continue to live our slack lifestyle.
And then one day, our bodies start getting tired of doing all the hard work. The immune system has to start working on clearing other bacteria/viruses that our livers and lymph systems are not able to clear as efficiently anymore. Priorities change for our organs, and our bodies start to "show their age" so to speak.
I am also a big believer in genetics. I have a patient who is a tri-athalon-er. He runs on average 40 miles a week. He swims. He bikes. He is a VEGETARIAN! He avoids alcohol and doesnt smoke. His cholesterol is low, bp is good and is a picture of health. However, at age 41, he suffered a MASSIVE heart attack and required a 5 bypass surgery. What the heck, right?!
People respond to this story one of two ways.
1. "See, it doesnt matter what you do... if its genetic, its gonna get you. You may as well live life and enjoy it and not worry".
OR, my response which is...
2. "See, even genetics can be overcome to some extent. Had this man not been conditioned and well trained and as HIS best health, that heart attack, NO DOUBT, would have ended his life. And instead, he continues to live because he was in teh best shape he could be and was able to live through what his genetics handed to him!"
I want desperately to be the latter of the two. I do not want to be a victim of genetics or circumstance. I want to take control and do the best I can to be a good steward of my health... so that no matter what happens to my body, I can live without (too much) regret, wondering if I could have changed the outcome.
So began my desire to be healthier...
I had a patient who came in, had lost 30lbs and was feeling great. She revealed that she was eating healthier and using Advocare's 24 day challenge to jumpstart her new lifestyle. "Interesting", i thought. And didnt think another thing about it... Until my friend, Danielle (who is insanely healthy!) started writing about it on her blog. I contacted her about the products, found out that she was a distributor and after talking to Jeff, we decided to BOTH do the challenge to kick start some better days ahead ;-)
The rest is kind of history. I lost 6lbs, am back in my pre-pregnancy clothing! and have more energy than I remember having in YEARS.
Jeff lost 11lbs and is feeling great! He actually recently decided to train for a FULL marathon! He has done lots of 1/2ers, but never a full! But he is feeling confident(ish?!) that he can get this off his bucket list and not die trying :-)
Since the challenge, I have continued with the meal replacement shakes for breakfast. Its such a SIMPLE, healthy, no brainer to start my day with a perfect 1:1 carb/protein ratio! and SPARK (i seriously love that!) to help me get through my afternoon "lull" w/o downing sugar that wears off quickly . Coreplex as my daily multivitamin in conjunction with omegaplex for the healthy omega fatty acids (hey, its Dr. Oz approved... as in ADVOCARE is Dr Oz approved!) and catalyst to help me with my muscle tone. I just ordered some O2 Gold which helps with Oxygen absorption during exercise and I'm hoping that it will help with being able to run and not get a side stitch :-) Boy, that would be AWESOME! haha. I have maintained my weight loss and am really enjoying feeling like my old self again, but BETTER! Healthier.
TMI, but i have "ibs" (irritable bowel syndrome). My Dr recommended back in the spring that I do an "elimination diet" where I eat boiled rice only for so many days, then add boiled eggs for so many days, etc... so as to identify what is aggravating my stomach. One reason I decided to do the challenge was because of the cleanse... I was hoping that it would help to "restart" my system. My IBS had gotten so bad that at times, i would have an allergic reaction of sorts to foods. Upset stomach was the least of my troubles... my eyes and throat would swell and itch, lungs got tight, broke out in hives... I for real thought I'd die some nights! Ok, maybe that sounds dramatic, but it was SCARY!
But since doing the challenge back in the summer, I literally have not had one episode. Yes, I'm eating healthier. But i really do attribute the improvement to the cleanse... because even before the challenge, I could be on a healthy eating kick and STILL get an upset stomach! SOOOO frustrating! So I'm thrilled to have gotten rid of that part of life :-)
Overall, I've loved the products. I've even started (prepare for it..... hold onto your chairs) started running! GASP! Something I've NEVER done before! Granted, its only a mile or so at a time, but its a step towards better health, and thats what this is all about. Making small, daily choices. Trusting and knowing that these good choices today WILL benefit me in the future. And more importantly, knowing that if i dont make these choices, I will regret it later.
Later is longer, folks. Now, thats some wisdom for you :-)
Its true, though. The discomfort of starting some better habits in food choices and exercise are short lived. The impact of choosing to NOT change will last.
So, heres to a better me... and I hope that some others may decide to come along. I'd love to have some friends in the retirement home when I'm rockin 90 years old ;-)
If you're interested in the challenge or have any questions, feel free to email me at forddygirl@yahoo.com. You can also click the links above (text in a different color) to see video's about the challenge and testimonials on Danielle's blog or click HERE to check out any of the products on the advocare site.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
August 19
Last year, it hit me very suddenly and very hard that today was my Daddy's birthday.
Tears followed.
More like sobbing, really.
I was in our bedroom and Jeff walked in.... pretty sure he regretted that (as good of a husband as he is, i think he gets very uncomfortable when i cry... he just wants to fix it. and there's no "fix" for this).
This year, I anticipated it a little better. And I've chosen to think on the fact that he is whole, in the presence of Jesus and temporarily we are apart. Basically, he's gone to my home earlier than I.
And honestly, I'm happy for him. He wouldnt come back if he could, i'm quite sure.
But I wont lie, it still hurts.
I still wish oh-so-desperately that i could see my children get to know him here. If only for a short time, well, it hurts my heart too much to think about the joy that my kids and my daddy would bring one another.
I trust, however, that i will see them share life together... only, it will be where there is no heartache or pain or separation.
And until then, I'll spend every August 19th celebrating the fact that my Daddy was born. That God chose to allow him to be my (unconventional) Daddy. That he (daddy) chose to BE my daddy. And that for 26 years of my life, I got to be a part of his life, and he mine.
THAT is something to celebrate.
*I will forever miss you, Daddy. You are on my heart daily and there are times when i struggle so much with missing you that i find myself convicted that i miss our relationship more than i miss that of my relationship with the Lord when we are "not on great terms". You showed me what it means to love- you loved me unconditionally. You demonstrated for me how to forgive- on more than one occasion. You taught me how to study my bible- and even though you made me turn every single page of my bible individually before i was allowed to us it (it had "onion" pages.... very delicate and they sometimes stick together when new), I am so glad, as it served me well for over 10 years until I had to retire it (hello, Peter fell out!). You interviewed every guy i brought home and pretty much hand picked Jeff as my hubby (THANK YOU!).
I thought you were a terrible daddy to have in my dating years, btw.... turns out, you were awesome :-)
You made me apologize and learn the art of humility- which i hated!
You were the best Daddy any little girl could ever DREAM of. I am honored to call you mine.
Happy Birthday, Daddy. Celebrate well! I'll look forward to celebrating with you again in person... one day.
Love
Peanut
Tears followed.
More like sobbing, really.
I was in our bedroom and Jeff walked in.... pretty sure he regretted that (as good of a husband as he is, i think he gets very uncomfortable when i cry... he just wants to fix it. and there's no "fix" for this).
This year, I anticipated it a little better. And I've chosen to think on the fact that he is whole, in the presence of Jesus and temporarily we are apart. Basically, he's gone to my home earlier than I.
And honestly, I'm happy for him. He wouldnt come back if he could, i'm quite sure.
But I wont lie, it still hurts.
I still wish oh-so-desperately that i could see my children get to know him here. If only for a short time, well, it hurts my heart too much to think about the joy that my kids and my daddy would bring one another.
I trust, however, that i will see them share life together... only, it will be where there is no heartache or pain or separation.
And until then, I'll spend every August 19th celebrating the fact that my Daddy was born. That God chose to allow him to be my (unconventional) Daddy. That he (daddy) chose to BE my daddy. And that for 26 years of my life, I got to be a part of his life, and he mine.
THAT is something to celebrate.
*I will forever miss you, Daddy. You are on my heart daily and there are times when i struggle so much with missing you that i find myself convicted that i miss our relationship more than i miss that of my relationship with the Lord when we are "not on great terms". You showed me what it means to love- you loved me unconditionally. You demonstrated for me how to forgive- on more than one occasion. You taught me how to study my bible- and even though you made me turn every single page of my bible individually before i was allowed to us it (it had "onion" pages.... very delicate and they sometimes stick together when new), I am so glad, as it served me well for over 10 years until I had to retire it (hello, Peter fell out!). You interviewed every guy i brought home and pretty much hand picked Jeff as my hubby (THANK YOU!).
I thought you were a terrible daddy to have in my dating years, btw.... turns out, you were awesome :-)
You made me apologize and learn the art of humility- which i hated!
You were the best Daddy any little girl could ever DREAM of. I am honored to call you mine.
Happy Birthday, Daddy. Celebrate well! I'll look forward to celebrating with you again in person... one day.
Love
Peanut
Monday, February 13, 2012
Changing...by "Getting in Your Place"
Well, I completely skipped last TWO weeks post about "Changed Into His Image".
I can assure you, it was NOT because they werent great chapters. It was NOT because God failed to work in my heart.
It's because baseball season is in full swing and I have an absentee husband who is out of the house every morning at 6:30 and doesnt get home until after 7pm. Sometimes closer to 8pm.
We miss him.
And I'm exhausted. Too exhausted to even blog about the wonderful change in my own heart. BUT, its too important to just skip so here's a catch up of how God is changing me.
Chapter 4 kind of rocked my world (hasnt every chapter?).
12 The heavens are shocked at such a thing
and shrink back in horror and dismay,”
says the LORD.
13 “For my people have done two evil things:
They have abandoned me—
the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns
that can hold no water at all! - Jeremiah 2:12-13
In other words (as Jim Berg says it) "these people of mine have committed two great evils. they first show their rebellion by not coming to drink from My pure springs of water. as if that isnt enough, they further insult Me by trying to quench their thirst with the murky runoff water they catch in their makeshift cisterns. what a sad exchange! ...." (pg 67). He continues by saying that our own way is symbolized by the broken cisterns and will not work but that this is Gods secondary concern. "Forsaking God is the first and the most wicked of the two evils God enumerates here! We must understand that TO LOOK TO ANYTHING APART FROM GOD TO MAKE LIFE WORK IS TO FORSAKE GOD". (pg 68).
Berg teaches us in this chapter that we were created, by design, to be dependent creatures. If we look to any other creation, all things that are created require maintenance! "Creation inherently demands dependency. Man can acknowledge this about everything he makes for himself in this world, but he rebels against the thought that somehow he is dependent upon his own Creator" (pg 69)
Idk about anyone else, but i struggle with this fact so much. I am a prideful person in general. I take pride in the big and little things in life. I take credit for keeping it together when things are good and tend to blame my circumstances when i'm unable to do so. (I mention this because its becoming increasingly clear to me that if you blame circumstances when things are bad and your response is less than desirable, then you're probably taking credit when things are good. THIS is a huge sign that you/I are prideful in general. And how ludicrous are both of those scenario's anyways!). I like to do things for myself, by myself. I dont really want help. Generally speaking, I'd prefer to suffer through something w/o having any help, complaining the entire time, so that I can be prideful that I did it on my own. Brilliant, right? Yeah. Didnt think so :-( In fact, Berg says in his cliff notes on page 68 that "having an attitude of undue confidence and smugness that avoids and/or scorns the hel p of others- including God" is the real definition of self-sufficiency! OUCH!
However, even with the knowledge that i desperately need to be humble, my question to the Lord was this: "how can i be sincerely humble when i'm so naturally prideful? how do i "do" this w/o being fake".
Hmm. Kind of wishing I didnt ask that question to our Heavenly Father who cares more about the end goal of growing us than the growing pains required (in his infinite wisdom!).
I was humbled this week.
I felt slightly out of control of my emotions (something i'm fairly proud of keeping in decent check. Yes, i may sound crazy on the blog, but i try to allow very little of my craziness to actually impact other people). I was short tempered and felt unable to control myself. No, i didnt beat my kids or turn anyone into the victim of my road rage, but my emotions were overwhelming. And my inability to control myself on my own was HUMBLING.
I had a "come to Jesus" moment Tuesday morning after having a rough start to the day. My sweet friend and pastors wife, Brenda, had encouraged me to use my daily commute as a prayer time since I struggle to get up early enough to do so on work days. So i thought I'd give it a go.
I began asking God to humble me. I admitted to him that i know that of my own self, i am anything but humble (*btw, humility is so important b/c it makes us better servants. we recognize that God is in control, that we have been bought w/ a price and that we owe our lives to Him. But dont be mistaken: God is not God centered entirely! hehe. Our humility is for OUR good and His glory. By being in closer relationship w/ Him and serving God, we find our joy fulfilled. It is what we were created for, after all!).
God began to bring to my mind all the depths of my heart. He reminded me that "the heart is desperately wicked" and "deceitful above all else". How incredibly true! I've fooled myself into thinking that because my actions are not so horrible, that I'm worthy of some sort of credit. That I should be PROUD of myself.
Its laughable.
He reminded me that it is by his GRACE that i'm not a complete mess (most days). He also reminded me that what good does it do to look good on the outside when the heart is such a mess!
I cried the entire way to work. And i begged that the lord HUMILIATE me constantly. That each time some pride snuck in for him to please, Lord, humiliate me either publicly or privately.
Yes, i cringe at the idea of being called out on my deeds in public. But i know that it will be worth it to see God work and move in my life.
Tuesday evening was a tough night. Mack cried from 5:15-7pm pretty much non stop. And Rhyan cried because Mack was crying. And i couldnt help but to think "why am i not feeling the urge to jump off the balcony?".
I truly believe that the Lord showed me just how gracious he is to those who humble themselves into a submissive role. It was one of those "lightbulb" moments when a couple of books meshed together and I was reminded that parenting is not about me. Its about me being a servant to God himself as I act on his behalf to raise these children. I am in direct submission to God! How humbling is that? He is my boss in this "job". Anyways, I simply saw my kids with love and compassion and was so gentle with them. I swear, i felt like the Lord Himself had invaded my body and was taking care of my children through me.
And then I was thinking, duh! THATS what the Holy Spirit DOES! When we yield to Him, we experience these miraculous moments of submission when the Holy Spirit can truly work through us and in us and we can be about HIS work.
It was an amazing night.
One that convinced me more than ever that, Yes, Lord... i desire to be humiliated so that I may be useful for you! My hope is that, like most training periods, the worst is in the first few weeks or months as I grow and learn to be less prideful. As i remind myself that it is by Grace that i have been saved through Faith! Not of myself, so that I wont boast!!!
How refreshing to renew my mind and remind myself that my detriment has been that i have bought into all of the lies of the world and have chosen to believe that I am capable of life apart from God.
Ok, back to the book. Cause its better than my experiences :-)
Berg discusses the fact that most Christians would consider it heresy to assume that we could do anything to earn Gods salvation. We are humbled by our sin and accept the payment by Jesus Christ for our sins that are so overwhelming that theres no way we could ever be justified, short of His blood. That is humbling!!! But often, after having accepted the Lord as our savior, we walk away with "fire insurance" and count our salvation as an "experience" and on that is not likely to be repeated (in emotion... and there is clearly no need for the exchange of his blood for our sins more than once). So we leave the alter with our eternity forever altered and then return to our "old life" or "our way" of doing life.
Take a moment to read John chapter 21. This is exactly what Peter did. The disciples walked with Jesus. Saw the miracles. KNEW the truth of who he is. But then, Jesus died and the disciples were shaken and all... ALL... returned to their old way of life. But Jesus speaks to them post resurrection and (among other things) reminds them that they are to CONTINUE the work that He began.
The SAME is true for us! We give our lives to Christ and then pick up our old life and go on as if nothing has changed. We, for some strange reason, carry our salvation around like its a membership card of some sort of country club. Proud that we are part of the "elite". As if our salvation has ANYTHING to do with our ability! God tells us over and over in His word that it is HE who calls us to Himself. How gracious is he!? And what about that is for us to be prideful over?!
Point is: we all know we must depend on the Lord for our salvation. But the following is equally true: God wants us to have the same dependent attitude after salvation!
Colossians 2: 6 says "As you have therefore recieved Christ Jesus, you must also walk IN Him".
Acts 17:28 says "for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’
"Humility is not only the start of the Christian life; it is the start of everything godly in the Christian life"- Jim Berg (pg 74).
So. How does God humble us? He may
1. Send us a problem we can't handle to expose our helplessness
2. Give us a command we wont obey to expose our self-centeredness.
3. He may arrange an outcome we cant control to expose our sinfulness.
4. He can show us a God we can't comprehend to expose our finiteness (Hallie's life did this for me!)
And what would be YOUR next step?
If God is trying to expose your lack of humility in the way you handle life then the first step is to repent. If you find it difficult to be humble, confess this to God. Your knowledge of what God needs from us in order to be used by Him supersedes any "feeling" we have! (thank you , lord!). So confess it and ASK Him that he might give you a spirit of humility. If you are like me, this will need to be a daily and likely an hourly prayer for you.
I'll leave you with this fabulous quote:
"God is not impressed with our abilities; they came from Him. He is not impressed with our opportunities; they are gifts from Him as well. He is impressed only with our humility; it testifies to our sense of dependency."
So the question is, Is God Impressed with Me Today?
If He would not be, you can change that. Let the change start right now by spending some time telling your Heavenly Father that you struggle with humility. And trust that as He has promised, that anything asked according to His will, will be done!
I can assure you, it was NOT because they werent great chapters. It was NOT because God failed to work in my heart.
It's because baseball season is in full swing and I have an absentee husband who is out of the house every morning at 6:30 and doesnt get home until after 7pm. Sometimes closer to 8pm.
We miss him.
And I'm exhausted. Too exhausted to even blog about the wonderful change in my own heart. BUT, its too important to just skip so here's a catch up of how God is changing me.
Chapter 4 kind of rocked my world (hasnt every chapter?).
12 The heavens are shocked at such a thing
and shrink back in horror and dismay,”
says the LORD.
13 “For my people have done two evil things:
They have abandoned me—
the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns
that can hold no water at all! - Jeremiah 2:12-13
In other words (as Jim Berg says it) "these people of mine have committed two great evils. they first show their rebellion by not coming to drink from My pure springs of water. as if that isnt enough, they further insult Me by trying to quench their thirst with the murky runoff water they catch in their makeshift cisterns. what a sad exchange! ...." (pg 67). He continues by saying that our own way is symbolized by the broken cisterns and will not work but that this is Gods secondary concern. "Forsaking God is the first and the most wicked of the two evils God enumerates here! We must understand that TO LOOK TO ANYTHING APART FROM GOD TO MAKE LIFE WORK IS TO FORSAKE GOD". (pg 68).
Berg teaches us in this chapter that we were created, by design, to be dependent creatures. If we look to any other creation, all things that are created require maintenance! "Creation inherently demands dependency. Man can acknowledge this about everything he makes for himself in this world, but he rebels against the thought that somehow he is dependent upon his own Creator" (pg 69)
Idk about anyone else, but i struggle with this fact so much. I am a prideful person in general. I take pride in the big and little things in life. I take credit for keeping it together when things are good and tend to blame my circumstances when i'm unable to do so. (I mention this because its becoming increasingly clear to me that if you blame circumstances when things are bad and your response is less than desirable, then you're probably taking credit when things are good. THIS is a huge sign that you/I are prideful in general. And how ludicrous are both of those scenario's anyways!). I like to do things for myself, by myself. I dont really want help. Generally speaking, I'd prefer to suffer through something w/o having any help, complaining the entire time, so that I can be prideful that I did it on my own. Brilliant, right? Yeah. Didnt think so :-( In fact, Berg says in his cliff notes on page 68 that "having an attitude of undue confidence and smugness that avoids and/or scorns the hel p of others- including God" is the real definition of self-sufficiency! OUCH!
However, even with the knowledge that i desperately need to be humble, my question to the Lord was this: "how can i be sincerely humble when i'm so naturally prideful? how do i "do" this w/o being fake".
Hmm. Kind of wishing I didnt ask that question to our Heavenly Father who cares more about the end goal of growing us than the growing pains required (in his infinite wisdom!).
I was humbled this week.
I felt slightly out of control of my emotions (something i'm fairly proud of keeping in decent check. Yes, i may sound crazy on the blog, but i try to allow very little of my craziness to actually impact other people). I was short tempered and felt unable to control myself. No, i didnt beat my kids or turn anyone into the victim of my road rage, but my emotions were overwhelming. And my inability to control myself on my own was HUMBLING.
I had a "come to Jesus" moment Tuesday morning after having a rough start to the day. My sweet friend and pastors wife, Brenda, had encouraged me to use my daily commute as a prayer time since I struggle to get up early enough to do so on work days. So i thought I'd give it a go.
I began asking God to humble me. I admitted to him that i know that of my own self, i am anything but humble (*btw, humility is so important b/c it makes us better servants. we recognize that God is in control, that we have been bought w/ a price and that we owe our lives to Him. But dont be mistaken: God is not God centered entirely! hehe. Our humility is for OUR good and His glory. By being in closer relationship w/ Him and serving God, we find our joy fulfilled. It is what we were created for, after all!).
God began to bring to my mind all the depths of my heart. He reminded me that "the heart is desperately wicked" and "deceitful above all else". How incredibly true! I've fooled myself into thinking that because my actions are not so horrible, that I'm worthy of some sort of credit. That I should be PROUD of myself.
Its laughable.
He reminded me that it is by his GRACE that i'm not a complete mess (most days). He also reminded me that what good does it do to look good on the outside when the heart is such a mess!
I cried the entire way to work. And i begged that the lord HUMILIATE me constantly. That each time some pride snuck in for him to please, Lord, humiliate me either publicly or privately.
Yes, i cringe at the idea of being called out on my deeds in public. But i know that it will be worth it to see God work and move in my life.
Tuesday evening was a tough night. Mack cried from 5:15-7pm pretty much non stop. And Rhyan cried because Mack was crying. And i couldnt help but to think "why am i not feeling the urge to jump off the balcony?".
I truly believe that the Lord showed me just how gracious he is to those who humble themselves into a submissive role. It was one of those "lightbulb" moments when a couple of books meshed together and I was reminded that parenting is not about me. Its about me being a servant to God himself as I act on his behalf to raise these children. I am in direct submission to God! How humbling is that? He is my boss in this "job". Anyways, I simply saw my kids with love and compassion and was so gentle with them. I swear, i felt like the Lord Himself had invaded my body and was taking care of my children through me.
And then I was thinking, duh! THATS what the Holy Spirit DOES! When we yield to Him, we experience these miraculous moments of submission when the Holy Spirit can truly work through us and in us and we can be about HIS work.
It was an amazing night.
One that convinced me more than ever that, Yes, Lord... i desire to be humiliated so that I may be useful for you! My hope is that, like most training periods, the worst is in the first few weeks or months as I grow and learn to be less prideful. As i remind myself that it is by Grace that i have been saved through Faith! Not of myself, so that I wont boast!!!
How refreshing to renew my mind and remind myself that my detriment has been that i have bought into all of the lies of the world and have chosen to believe that I am capable of life apart from God.
Ok, back to the book. Cause its better than my experiences :-)
Berg discusses the fact that most Christians would consider it heresy to assume that we could do anything to earn Gods salvation. We are humbled by our sin and accept the payment by Jesus Christ for our sins that are so overwhelming that theres no way we could ever be justified, short of His blood. That is humbling!!! But often, after having accepted the Lord as our savior, we walk away with "fire insurance" and count our salvation as an "experience" and on that is not likely to be repeated (in emotion... and there is clearly no need for the exchange of his blood for our sins more than once). So we leave the alter with our eternity forever altered and then return to our "old life" or "our way" of doing life.
Take a moment to read John chapter 21. This is exactly what Peter did. The disciples walked with Jesus. Saw the miracles. KNEW the truth of who he is. But then, Jesus died and the disciples were shaken and all... ALL... returned to their old way of life. But Jesus speaks to them post resurrection and (among other things) reminds them that they are to CONTINUE the work that He began.
The SAME is true for us! We give our lives to Christ and then pick up our old life and go on as if nothing has changed. We, for some strange reason, carry our salvation around like its a membership card of some sort of country club. Proud that we are part of the "elite". As if our salvation has ANYTHING to do with our ability! God tells us over and over in His word that it is HE who calls us to Himself. How gracious is he!? And what about that is for us to be prideful over?!
Point is: we all know we must depend on the Lord for our salvation. But the following is equally true: God wants us to have the same dependent attitude after salvation!
Colossians 2: 6 says "As you have therefore recieved Christ Jesus, you must also walk IN Him".
Acts 17:28 says "for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’
"Humility is not only the start of the Christian life; it is the start of everything godly in the Christian life"- Jim Berg (pg 74).
So. How does God humble us? He may
1. Send us a problem we can't handle to expose our helplessness
2. Give us a command we wont obey to expose our self-centeredness.
3. He may arrange an outcome we cant control to expose our sinfulness.
4. He can show us a God we can't comprehend to expose our finiteness (Hallie's life did this for me!)
And what would be YOUR next step?
If God is trying to expose your lack of humility in the way you handle life then the first step is to repent. If you find it difficult to be humble, confess this to God. Your knowledge of what God needs from us in order to be used by Him supersedes any "feeling" we have! (thank you , lord!). So confess it and ASK Him that he might give you a spirit of humility. If you are like me, this will need to be a daily and likely an hourly prayer for you.
I'll leave you with this fabulous quote:
"God is not impressed with our abilities; they came from Him. He is not impressed with our opportunities; they are gifts from Him as well. He is impressed only with our humility; it testifies to our sense of dependency."
So the question is, Is God Impressed with Me Today?
If He would not be, you can change that. Let the change start right now by spending some time telling your Heavenly Father that you struggle with humility. And trust that as He has promised, that anything asked according to His will, will be done!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Changed... continued
This sunday was... well... i'll just tell about it.
I had to teach Sunday School. Yes, the material (Changed into His Image) thats kicking my bootie had to be taught by me. Eek!
Terrilyn (my precious friend/sunday school teacher/photographer) is the one teaching our class right now and she was kind enough to 1st of all entrust this class with me and 2nd to meet up with me to go over the material so that I'd be prepared (and she'd feel comfortable leaving me in charge! ha!). We had a wonderful THREE HOUR meeting :-) I felt prepared.
So, this week was all about our own way. In other words, how is it that we each try to live life apart from God. How are each of us a rebel? Are we assertive? Do we simply refuse to comply or submit? Or are we more manipulative and quiet in our rebellion? Do we comply and go along with having the right actions/looking the right way because it gets us some sort of accolades? Some sort of attention? Or, are we the passive rebel who doesnt get involved? Who procrastinates or blames ignorance as the cause of their non-compliance? "I didnt know i should xyz", they might say.
If we're really honest with ourselves, we'll recognize some of each of these rebellious tactics in each of us. There are some areas of life that we blatantly refuse to let go of our desires and others that we find easy to let go of and submit to the Holy Spirit, because after all, our compliance gets us what we want anyways. So why buck the system?! And then some areas where we simply want to claim "i cant" or "i didnt know" or "i didnt hear you, Lord". We are all rebellious in all of these ways, but more than likely we identify with one more strongly than the rest.
For me, I'm the cooperative rebel. I tend to look pretty decent or maybe even "good" to the world. And i like it that way! I'm driven by a sense of duty and i loved it when, as a kid, i was referred to as "a good kid who never causes us any trouble". Heck, i still like it when people brag on me! I like the image I've created for myself. The mask I've made. Other people seem to like it, too, which makes me all the happier.
However, Berg states that this is "...nothing more than a lust (or obsessive desire) for winning... Surprising as it may seem, there are many of us who really try to be good, not becuase we are allowing God to work in our lives to produce His fruit, but becuase it seems that life has fewer snags when we stay out of trouble" (pg 53).
He also quotes CS Lewis and warns about the dangers of making life work by just being good:
If you have sound nerves and intelligence and health and popularity and a good upbringing, you are likely to be quite satisfied with your character as it is...A certain level of good conduct comes fairly easy to you... You are quite likely to believe that all this niceness is your own doing; and you may easily not feel the need for any better kind of goodness.
It is very different for the nasty people- the little, low, timid, warmped, thin-blooded, lonely people or the passionate, sensual, unbalanced people. If they make any attempt at goodness at all, they learn, in double quick time, that they need help. It is Christ or nothing for them...
Berg continues on, "If you are a nice person- if virtue comes easily to you- beware!...If you mistake for you own merits what are really God's gifts through nature, and if you are contented with simply being nice, you are still a rebel: and all those gifts will only make your fall more terrible, your corruption more complicated, your bad example more disastrous. The Devil was an archangel once; his natural gifts were as far above yours as yours are above those of a chimpanzee"... "as you can see, "being good" can be just our way of making life work without God" (pg 53, 54)
Ouch.
Is there anyone else out there who find themselves saying "oh my. thats ME!".
This statement rang so true to me that it broke my heart. It was hard to facilitate this lesson to our sunday school class without screaming "He's talking about ME! I'm the fraud who looks nice and finds it easy to be good and thats MY way of living apart from God!"
I was also on praise team this Sunday (this means i'm on stage, singing "back-up" like a doo wop girl :-) ). I was on stage, struggling with my complete unworthiness to be there, we started to sing this song (by my favorite group ever!) You Hold Me Now. You can listen to it by clicking that link...
Well, we got to the verse stating:
In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day
... and it hit me.
This struggle against my flesh... against my own desires... its never going to end. I'm never going to be perfect. The perfection that i so desperately strive for and desire is always out of reach.
Which is what makes Christ... well, sweet release. A sweet place of rest.
HE is the perfection I seek. Will i always struggle with my flesh? Yes. Until He relieves me permanently of the sin within me, i'll struggle. (dont misunderstand, we are NOT slaves to sin any longer if we've accepted Christ as our savior... but its always a struggle b/c like a cowlick, we have a natural tendency to want to go in one direction no matter how much we try to "tame" ourselves). But its in these times that i yield my desires to that of the Holy Spirit that I find the perfection for which i seek.
A taste of what's to come in eternity.
And that taste is enough to keep me fighting. To keep me wanting more.
I hope it does for you, as well.
Psalm 34:8 Oh TASTE and see that the Lord is GOOD; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him.
I had to teach Sunday School. Yes, the material (Changed into His Image) thats kicking my bootie had to be taught by me. Eek!
Terrilyn (my precious friend/sunday school teacher/photographer) is the one teaching our class right now and she was kind enough to 1st of all entrust this class with me and 2nd to meet up with me to go over the material so that I'd be prepared (and she'd feel comfortable leaving me in charge! ha!). We had a wonderful THREE HOUR meeting :-) I felt prepared.
So, this week was all about our own way. In other words, how is it that we each try to live life apart from God. How are each of us a rebel? Are we assertive? Do we simply refuse to comply or submit? Or are we more manipulative and quiet in our rebellion? Do we comply and go along with having the right actions/looking the right way because it gets us some sort of accolades? Some sort of attention? Or, are we the passive rebel who doesnt get involved? Who procrastinates or blames ignorance as the cause of their non-compliance? "I didnt know i should xyz", they might say.
If we're really honest with ourselves, we'll recognize some of each of these rebellious tactics in each of us. There are some areas of life that we blatantly refuse to let go of our desires and others that we find easy to let go of and submit to the Holy Spirit, because after all, our compliance gets us what we want anyways. So why buck the system?! And then some areas where we simply want to claim "i cant" or "i didnt know" or "i didnt hear you, Lord". We are all rebellious in all of these ways, but more than likely we identify with one more strongly than the rest.
For me, I'm the cooperative rebel. I tend to look pretty decent or maybe even "good" to the world. And i like it that way! I'm driven by a sense of duty and i loved it when, as a kid, i was referred to as "a good kid who never causes us any trouble". Heck, i still like it when people brag on me! I like the image I've created for myself. The mask I've made. Other people seem to like it, too, which makes me all the happier.
However, Berg states that this is "...nothing more than a lust (or obsessive desire) for winning... Surprising as it may seem, there are many of us who really try to be good, not becuase we are allowing God to work in our lives to produce His fruit, but becuase it seems that life has fewer snags when we stay out of trouble" (pg 53).
He also quotes CS Lewis and warns about the dangers of making life work by just being good:
If you have sound nerves and intelligence and health and popularity and a good upbringing, you are likely to be quite satisfied with your character as it is...A certain level of good conduct comes fairly easy to you... You are quite likely to believe that all this niceness is your own doing; and you may easily not feel the need for any better kind of goodness.
It is very different for the nasty people- the little, low, timid, warmped, thin-blooded, lonely people or the passionate, sensual, unbalanced people. If they make any attempt at goodness at all, they learn, in double quick time, that they need help. It is Christ or nothing for them...
Berg continues on, "If you are a nice person- if virtue comes easily to you- beware!...If you mistake for you own merits what are really God's gifts through nature, and if you are contented with simply being nice, you are still a rebel: and all those gifts will only make your fall more terrible, your corruption more complicated, your bad example more disastrous. The Devil was an archangel once; his natural gifts were as far above yours as yours are above those of a chimpanzee"... "as you can see, "being good" can be just our way of making life work without God" (pg 53, 54)
Ouch.
Is there anyone else out there who find themselves saying "oh my. thats ME!".
This statement rang so true to me that it broke my heart. It was hard to facilitate this lesson to our sunday school class without screaming "He's talking about ME! I'm the fraud who looks nice and finds it easy to be good and thats MY way of living apart from God!"
I was also on praise team this Sunday (this means i'm on stage, singing "back-up" like a doo wop girl :-) ). I was on stage, struggling with my complete unworthiness to be there, we started to sing this song (by my favorite group ever!) You Hold Me Now. You can listen to it by clicking that link...
Well, we got to the verse stating:
In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day
... and it hit me.
This struggle against my flesh... against my own desires... its never going to end. I'm never going to be perfect. The perfection that i so desperately strive for and desire is always out of reach.
Which is what makes Christ... well, sweet release. A sweet place of rest.
HE is the perfection I seek. Will i always struggle with my flesh? Yes. Until He relieves me permanently of the sin within me, i'll struggle. (dont misunderstand, we are NOT slaves to sin any longer if we've accepted Christ as our savior... but its always a struggle b/c like a cowlick, we have a natural tendency to want to go in one direction no matter how much we try to "tame" ourselves). But its in these times that i yield my desires to that of the Holy Spirit that I find the perfection for which i seek.
A taste of what's to come in eternity.
And that taste is enough to keep me fighting. To keep me wanting more.
I hope it does for you, as well.
Psalm 34:8 Oh TASTE and see that the Lord is GOOD; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Yesterday
1st off, I'd like to say that I gain no great pleasure sharing with the cyber world all of my many imperfections. Its embarrassing to say the least. But I do so in hopes that if there is anyone who reads my blog who is also being convicted to be changed, that they can find some encouragement in knowing that they are not alone.
Yesterday was kind of big for me. Not in a typical sense, but in a "it showed me some things i needed to see" sense.
I've been reading in "Changed into His Image" about how while, yes, we are at spiritual warfare, the majority of the battle that we face is against none other than ourselves. We have to realize that, as Jim Berg puts it, there is a clone of Lucifer within us. A part of him that lives in us. That desires independence from God. That wants to have it our way.
It is commonly referred to by Paul in the New Testament as our "flesh" or our sin nature.
Back to why yesterday was so revealing for me.
I've felt a bit stuck in the house here lately. Jeff has basketball announcing and his masters degree to deal with and so there are times when I feel like it has been forever since Jeff and I or the family as a whole got out and did something. Yesterday was one of those days. I was feeling the need for us to all go somewhere and wanted to make sure the kids were ready for an outing when they got up from nap. So I wanted to give them a bath before naptime.
Mack got to coughing (we've been plagued with bad colds around here and an ear infection for Rhyan) and it initiated his gag reflex I guess and he proceeded to vomit (not just "spit up") all 6oz of his bottle, his jar of carrots and of banana/apple/pear combo. It had been in his stomach long enough to be mucousy and it was everywhere; in the freshly ran tub of water, on the toilet, the rug, the floor, my arm and neck and shirt, his jammies, the sink... you get the picture. Eww.
Meanwhile, Rhyan watched in horror as she asked, "Mommy? Mack sick? He ok? What happened?" over. and over. and over. (regardless of how many times i sweetly told her that yes, he had gotten sick but he was ok and not to worry and that I would clean it up...)
Well, i did my best to remain calm. "This is just a part of life", I told myself. "Its no big deal". "It will all clean up". Yes, I reminded myself that my children were precious and that bodily fluids were just a normal part of kids and that I should be grateful to deal with such. And that was true. And I remained calm :-)
Whew. Crisis averted. I had dealt with a not fun situation with some grace and remained poised. I didnt yell or get angry or frustrated. I just dealt with it. And I was so proud. I had restrained my emotions (for once!) :-)
I got Mack out of the bath first and proceeded to get him dressed before going back to get Rhyan. She does great at staying in conversation w/ me while I get mack ready and she's in the bath so that I dont worry and the same was true this day. We talked while I got Mack dressed. She told me she was making bubbles and i laughed. Good times.
When I went in to get Rhyan, however, I saw that she had indeed made bubbles. With an entire brand new bottle of baby soap that I had just opened last week. (btw, this was the 2nd time she's done this and I was very clear last time that playing w/ the soap is a no no).
And there went my restraint.
I proceeded to speak VERY firmly to her. And as I reminded her she KNEW better, I could feel anger rising up. I has flashes of all the vomit I had just dealt with and got frustrated about something that was done and over with all over again. I was not yelling at Rhyan, but i was on a very fine line that I could feel myself leaning over, wanting to cross.
I shut my mouth immediatly. I continued to sear in my anger and took Rhyan into her bedroom to dress her. The tiniest thing she did at that point would upset me. Touching something I had told her not to. Moving around too much. Anything.
This situation being the hot water and I being the tea bag... I was NOT liking the flavor of my own tea. I knew that, but continued to be angry!
But I continued to be quiet and dress her.
Then, I told her to sit in front of me so i could comb her hair. But she didnt obey. And I was so grateful.
Instead, she came to me and while putting her hand on my face she said "Mommy, I sorry i pray with soap. I wub you".
And I broke down crying.
I told her I was sorry for being angry with her. That Mommy was wrong and asked her to forgive me. To which she replied "Yes, mommy! it okay!"
See, what happened yesterday was what is very normal for most mom's, I'd imagine. Frustrations lead to heightened tempers, tempers lead to yelling, and it all culminates in regret.
But what I learned yesterday was kind of earth shattering for me.
Just as Jeff and I have encouraged teens in our youth group (when we were leaders) to guard their minds... that they could never erase the images they invite through movies, the words they allow to penetrate their mind... I realized that while I control pretty tightly what my kids are exposed to through tv and music and social media, I dont fully discipline myself to protect them from a much more powerful influence.
Me.
I know that my reaction to Rhyan could have been much worse. So many of you reading this may be thinking, "wow, she writing about how she's upset b/c she got angry and fussed at her kid?". But the thing is, it took every amount of effort to keep me from wanting to smack her! And besides, its not my actions that I am as concerned about... its my HEART! I was angry, friends. Angry over a bottle of soap and a happy little girl who was having fun. There are so many other ways I could have and should have dealt with this. Yes, Rhyan needs to learn to not play with soap, but if theres anything I believe about discipline, it is this: the consequence/my reaction should match the wrong that was done. A playful act of childishness did not warrant the amount of anger my heart produced.
I became more aware yesterday that this war I'm in is indeed against my own self. My selfish desires. My pride. My anger. Emphasis on MY. See, I am not a victim of Satan or of this world. I am my own worst enemy! It is my own sin nature that desires to have full control of every situation, of my kids, of my circumstances... that drives me to react the way I do.
And it is myself that I need to die to daily.
I now value, more than ever, the renewing of my mind. Because for me, I know that the image of me fussing at Rhyan over a bottle of soap is burned in my mind as who I really, really am. A self centered control freak!
And so, regardless of how ugly yesterday was for me, I am grateful for it. Grateful for my daughter's forgiveness, for my Heavenly Father's forgiveness and mostly for the Holy Spirit's ministry to me to show me, through an every day "episode of life", just how much I need Him.
So for most of you, this doesnt mean much. But for someone who may be, like me, on the verge of some big changes inside, maybe its helpful for you to know that God teaches in every day occurrences. That He is active in the little things, using them to draw us to Him. LOOK for these times and accept them as opportunities to learn and grow and change!
And if you are interested, I'd encourage you to pick up a copy of "Changed into His Image" by Jim Berg. Its a great discipleship tool and it (by using scriptures to get to the "heart of the matter") is changing me. I am so grateful that I dont have to remain the person I am today. I know that the process of changing will be a long one full of these "opportunities" that sometimes I will handle well (through the Holy Spirit only!) and sometimes I will not.
The perfectionist in me has a hard time with that truth! But the Spirit within me is excited about it! :-)
Yesterday was kind of big for me. Not in a typical sense, but in a "it showed me some things i needed to see" sense.
I've been reading in "Changed into His Image" about how while, yes, we are at spiritual warfare, the majority of the battle that we face is against none other than ourselves. We have to realize that, as Jim Berg puts it, there is a clone of Lucifer within us. A part of him that lives in us. That desires independence from God. That wants to have it our way.
It is commonly referred to by Paul in the New Testament as our "flesh" or our sin nature.
Back to why yesterday was so revealing for me.
I've felt a bit stuck in the house here lately. Jeff has basketball announcing and his masters degree to deal with and so there are times when I feel like it has been forever since Jeff and I or the family as a whole got out and did something. Yesterday was one of those days. I was feeling the need for us to all go somewhere and wanted to make sure the kids were ready for an outing when they got up from nap. So I wanted to give them a bath before naptime.
Mack got to coughing (we've been plagued with bad colds around here and an ear infection for Rhyan) and it initiated his gag reflex I guess and he proceeded to vomit (not just "spit up") all 6oz of his bottle, his jar of carrots and of banana/apple/pear combo. It had been in his stomach long enough to be mucousy and it was everywhere; in the freshly ran tub of water, on the toilet, the rug, the floor, my arm and neck and shirt, his jammies, the sink... you get the picture. Eww.
Meanwhile, Rhyan watched in horror as she asked, "Mommy? Mack sick? He ok? What happened?" over. and over. and over. (regardless of how many times i sweetly told her that yes, he had gotten sick but he was ok and not to worry and that I would clean it up...)
Well, i did my best to remain calm. "This is just a part of life", I told myself. "Its no big deal". "It will all clean up". Yes, I reminded myself that my children were precious and that bodily fluids were just a normal part of kids and that I should be grateful to deal with such. And that was true. And I remained calm :-)
Whew. Crisis averted. I had dealt with a not fun situation with some grace and remained poised. I didnt yell or get angry or frustrated. I just dealt with it. And I was so proud. I had restrained my emotions (for once!) :-)
I got Mack out of the bath first and proceeded to get him dressed before going back to get Rhyan. She does great at staying in conversation w/ me while I get mack ready and she's in the bath so that I dont worry and the same was true this day. We talked while I got Mack dressed. She told me she was making bubbles and i laughed. Good times.
When I went in to get Rhyan, however, I saw that she had indeed made bubbles. With an entire brand new bottle of baby soap that I had just opened last week. (btw, this was the 2nd time she's done this and I was very clear last time that playing w/ the soap is a no no).
And there went my restraint.
I proceeded to speak VERY firmly to her. And as I reminded her she KNEW better, I could feel anger rising up. I has flashes of all the vomit I had just dealt with and got frustrated about something that was done and over with all over again. I was not yelling at Rhyan, but i was on a very fine line that I could feel myself leaning over, wanting to cross.
I shut my mouth immediatly. I continued to sear in my anger and took Rhyan into her bedroom to dress her. The tiniest thing she did at that point would upset me. Touching something I had told her not to. Moving around too much. Anything.
This situation being the hot water and I being the tea bag... I was NOT liking the flavor of my own tea. I knew that, but continued to be angry!
But I continued to be quiet and dress her.
Then, I told her to sit in front of me so i could comb her hair. But she didnt obey. And I was so grateful.
Instead, she came to me and while putting her hand on my face she said "Mommy, I sorry i pray with soap. I wub you".
And I broke down crying.
I told her I was sorry for being angry with her. That Mommy was wrong and asked her to forgive me. To which she replied "Yes, mommy! it okay!"
See, what happened yesterday was what is very normal for most mom's, I'd imagine. Frustrations lead to heightened tempers, tempers lead to yelling, and it all culminates in regret.
But what I learned yesterday was kind of earth shattering for me.
Just as Jeff and I have encouraged teens in our youth group (when we were leaders) to guard their minds... that they could never erase the images they invite through movies, the words they allow to penetrate their mind... I realized that while I control pretty tightly what my kids are exposed to through tv and music and social media, I dont fully discipline myself to protect them from a much more powerful influence.
Me.
I know that my reaction to Rhyan could have been much worse. So many of you reading this may be thinking, "wow, she writing about how she's upset b/c she got angry and fussed at her kid?". But the thing is, it took every amount of effort to keep me from wanting to smack her! And besides, its not my actions that I am as concerned about... its my HEART! I was angry, friends. Angry over a bottle of soap and a happy little girl who was having fun. There are so many other ways I could have and should have dealt with this. Yes, Rhyan needs to learn to not play with soap, but if theres anything I believe about discipline, it is this: the consequence/my reaction should match the wrong that was done. A playful act of childishness did not warrant the amount of anger my heart produced.
I became more aware yesterday that this war I'm in is indeed against my own self. My selfish desires. My pride. My anger. Emphasis on MY. See, I am not a victim of Satan or of this world. I am my own worst enemy! It is my own sin nature that desires to have full control of every situation, of my kids, of my circumstances... that drives me to react the way I do.
And it is myself that I need to die to daily.
I now value, more than ever, the renewing of my mind. Because for me, I know that the image of me fussing at Rhyan over a bottle of soap is burned in my mind as who I really, really am. A self centered control freak!
And so, regardless of how ugly yesterday was for me, I am grateful for it. Grateful for my daughter's forgiveness, for my Heavenly Father's forgiveness and mostly for the Holy Spirit's ministry to me to show me, through an every day "episode of life", just how much I need Him.
So for most of you, this doesnt mean much. But for someone who may be, like me, on the verge of some big changes inside, maybe its helpful for you to know that God teaches in every day occurrences. That He is active in the little things, using them to draw us to Him. LOOK for these times and accept them as opportunities to learn and grow and change!
And if you are interested, I'd encourage you to pick up a copy of "Changed into His Image" by Jim Berg. Its a great discipleship tool and it (by using scriptures to get to the "heart of the matter") is changing me. I am so grateful that I dont have to remain the person I am today. I know that the process of changing will be a long one full of these "opportunities" that sometimes I will handle well (through the Holy Spirit only!) and sometimes I will not.
The perfectionist in me has a hard time with that truth! But the Spirit within me is excited about it! :-)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Goals for 2012
I have a lot of goals for 2012.
I'd like to work on first time obedience with Rhyan.
To find a financial adviser who we can work with.
To find time (meaning make time) to work out (some, not daily... baby steps).
To read my bible daily.
To be more objective in my parenting, loving in my discipline.
To exceed monthly my production goals at work.
To be a better wife.
To enjoy life and not sweat the small stuff.
To give my all to my family (extended included).
To dedicate and be intentional about spending time with friends.
To pursue hobbies: photography, singing/music, reading, blogging.
To travel with the kids more. Take impromptu trips.
To travel with out the kids once. Take time for Jeff and I.
To not be such a perfectionist! It is crippling for me.
To take chances. Put myself out there. Try new things and figure out what I'm good at (and what i'm not good at... and be okay with that).
The list goes on...
But in my reading of "Changed into His Image" this week, I was reminded of something vitally important.
That I, of my own doing, cannot fully change.
I can make attempts. But I will fail. I've experienced this all to well and it has hindered me from attempting change many times in my life.
But i find myself less than satisfied with who I am (otherwise, why would I have such a long list of goals?!). And there is a reason for that...
I have, in the past, put the proverbial "cart before the horse". I've desired to change my actions without ever changing my thinking. I want to not be angry with Rhyan when she disobeys, but I don't seem to really take to heart that the reason I get angry is not just her disobedience, but that it stems from my own pride and desire for control. When she disobeys, I feel that I dont have control and that makes me angry. (this is just one example... the point it to realize that all of the "undesirable" attributes I have are the result of something within ME.)
So, with all of the things i'd like to change this year, there is really only ONE worth putting the effort into; sanctification.
In 2012, I'd like to take a mental picture of my heart as of Jan. and Lord, I pray that the picture of my heart in December is almost unrecognizable!
My plan (as laid out by the book mentioned) is 3 part. 1. Taking off the old (mortification or dying to self) 2. Putting on the new (for our Heavenly FAther to be well pleased with us we must be humble, obedient and a servant) and then 3. Renewing my mind.
These are the steps of sanctification (being set apart, made holy). And it is the ONE goal I have for 2012.
Will I push those others aside completely? No. But they will not be my focus. Because i truly believe that in order to fulfill several of those aforementioned goals, I MUST be sanctified (to enjoy life fully, to parent better, to be a better wife, etc...). That as the Lord changes me through his Holy Spirit, I will find life more manageable. My focus more concise. My desire to do His will, greater.
So there you have it. My one goal.
What are YOUR goals in 2012?! (and ps. i'm fully aware that what I'm dealing with is not what everyone is dealing with so please dont hesitate to share your goals! )
I'd like to work on first time obedience with Rhyan.
To find a financial adviser who we can work with.
To find time (meaning make time) to work out (some, not daily... baby steps).
To read my bible daily.
To be more objective in my parenting, loving in my discipline.
To exceed monthly my production goals at work.
To be a better wife.
To enjoy life and not sweat the small stuff.
To give my all to my family (extended included).
To dedicate and be intentional about spending time with friends.
To pursue hobbies: photography, singing/music, reading, blogging.
To travel with the kids more. Take impromptu trips.
To travel with out the kids once. Take time for Jeff and I.
To not be such a perfectionist! It is crippling for me.
To take chances. Put myself out there. Try new things and figure out what I'm good at (and what i'm not good at... and be okay with that).
The list goes on...
But in my reading of "Changed into His Image" this week, I was reminded of something vitally important.
That I, of my own doing, cannot fully change.
I can make attempts. But I will fail. I've experienced this all to well and it has hindered me from attempting change many times in my life.
But i find myself less than satisfied with who I am (otherwise, why would I have such a long list of goals?!). And there is a reason for that...
I have, in the past, put the proverbial "cart before the horse". I've desired to change my actions without ever changing my thinking. I want to not be angry with Rhyan when she disobeys, but I don't seem to really take to heart that the reason I get angry is not just her disobedience, but that it stems from my own pride and desire for control. When she disobeys, I feel that I dont have control and that makes me angry. (this is just one example... the point it to realize that all of the "undesirable" attributes I have are the result of something within ME.)
So, with all of the things i'd like to change this year, there is really only ONE worth putting the effort into; sanctification.
In 2012, I'd like to take a mental picture of my heart as of Jan. and Lord, I pray that the picture of my heart in December is almost unrecognizable!
My plan (as laid out by the book mentioned) is 3 part. 1. Taking off the old (mortification or dying to self) 2. Putting on the new (for our Heavenly FAther to be well pleased with us we must be humble, obedient and a servant) and then 3. Renewing my mind.
These are the steps of sanctification (being set apart, made holy). And it is the ONE goal I have for 2012.
Will I push those others aside completely? No. But they will not be my focus. Because i truly believe that in order to fulfill several of those aforementioned goals, I MUST be sanctified (to enjoy life fully, to parent better, to be a better wife, etc...). That as the Lord changes me through his Holy Spirit, I will find life more manageable. My focus more concise. My desire to do His will, greater.
So there you have it. My one goal.
What are YOUR goals in 2012?! (and ps. i'm fully aware that what I'm dealing with is not what everyone is dealing with so please dont hesitate to share your goals! )
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Celebrating Hallie
Today, I attended a memorial service for a not even 5 day old baby.
It should have been a sad, sad day.
And in some ways, it was. Thinking of the journey that my friends Katie and Chris have been on in the last 7-8 months (since the diagnosis of trisomy 13) makes my heart hurt a little. I hate to think of all of the sleepless nights and worry that is simply inevitable in these types of situations. It pains me to think of how, throughout the coming years, they will often think of how Hallie leaves their family incomplete.
But today's service was not one of grieving, but of celebrating!
Today, we celebrated Hallie.
We were led in worship to a song that was written for Hallie, appropriately titled: Halleujah. It was beautiful. Sounded like a lull-a-bye. And then the campus pastor shared followed by Katie and Chris. Another song, a message by Andy Stanley and one last song (how He loves us) and we were dismissed.
See, i can tell anyone how the service went. I can give logistics and timing and say it was great.
But it was so much more than great.
I was led in worship today. Seriously. It took all I had within me to not stand and make a spectacle of myself, raise my hands to the Lord and praise Him. It was incredible. Actually, the posture my heart truly longed to take was one of kneeling. And if it wouldnt have distracted the 500 people there from worshiping in their own hearts, I would have hit the floor on the aisle beside me (i'm sure it thrills my conservative hubby when I do the same at church ;-).
I was reminded that life is but a vapor. But not the typical "life is a vapor so live it to the fullest and live it all for the glory of God". Yes, that was a part, but a small part. I was reminded, possibly more importantly, that here on earth, our Heavenly Father pursues us. The creator of the universe pursues US and wants a realationship with us. That in the little time we have here, God uses every situation and relationship to draw us to Him.
I've known this all my life. But today, i was convinced that we are indeed worth everything to God.
Most all of us know the gospel. That God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever will believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16).
But Christ's life and death is only a fraction of what God has done/does to grow our relationship with Him.
He uses what is seen by the world as a tragedy to show His goodness. To show His love. To show Himself. And that is just what God did through Hallie.
He drew Katie and Chris to a closer understanding of what it means to have an eternal perspective through Hallie. I dont want to presume to know what all the Lord has done in their hearts through Hallies life. But i can share what He has done in mine.
God has shown me that His ways are so far beyond my understanding. That He truly can take the most drab looking situation and use it for good. He promised this in His Word and I've always know it. Again. In my mind. My intellect. But now, it resonates in my heart. So many things that I've always known to be true have now found a place of faith in my heart, not just my head.
So Katie and Chris, I am grateful for you. I'm grateful for your obedience. The obedience the Lord asked of you was not death on a Cross as He asked his Son, but it was profound and large and required discipline, none the less.
You have shown me the reward for obedience. A life that closer reflects that of our Savior.
I've said a hundred times through all of this that I'm so honored and proud to call you my friends. And that is true. But what makes me most proud is not your strength or your courage, but in your discipline to allow the Holy Spirit to give you strength that only comes from Him. To give you courage that only He can give. To see you empty yourselves and move past an attempt to control and to give up everything... that is what I most admire. And what I most desire for myself.
There are 2 ways to learn: live through something or learn from those who have.
We would all be fools to have watched Katie and Chris (and their entire families), to have seen Hallie's sweet face, to have had the privilege to share in this journey as best we could and choose to not walk away more disciplined, just as Katie and Chris have done, to lay down our desires for those of our Heavenly Father.
He has more than proved Himself through Hallie's life. And will do the same in ours.
It should have been a sad, sad day.
And in some ways, it was. Thinking of the journey that my friends Katie and Chris have been on in the last 7-8 months (since the diagnosis of trisomy 13) makes my heart hurt a little. I hate to think of all of the sleepless nights and worry that is simply inevitable in these types of situations. It pains me to think of how, throughout the coming years, they will often think of how Hallie leaves their family incomplete.
But today's service was not one of grieving, but of celebrating!
Today, we celebrated Hallie.
We were led in worship to a song that was written for Hallie, appropriately titled: Halleujah. It was beautiful. Sounded like a lull-a-bye. And then the campus pastor shared followed by Katie and Chris. Another song, a message by Andy Stanley and one last song (how He loves us) and we were dismissed.
See, i can tell anyone how the service went. I can give logistics and timing and say it was great.
But it was so much more than great.
I was led in worship today. Seriously. It took all I had within me to not stand and make a spectacle of myself, raise my hands to the Lord and praise Him. It was incredible. Actually, the posture my heart truly longed to take was one of kneeling. And if it wouldnt have distracted the 500 people there from worshiping in their own hearts, I would have hit the floor on the aisle beside me (i'm sure it thrills my conservative hubby when I do the same at church ;-).
I was reminded that life is but a vapor. But not the typical "life is a vapor so live it to the fullest and live it all for the glory of God". Yes, that was a part, but a small part. I was reminded, possibly more importantly, that here on earth, our Heavenly Father pursues us. The creator of the universe pursues US and wants a realationship with us. That in the little time we have here, God uses every situation and relationship to draw us to Him.
I've known this all my life. But today, i was convinced that we are indeed worth everything to God.
Most all of us know the gospel. That God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever will believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16).
But Christ's life and death is only a fraction of what God has done/does to grow our relationship with Him.
He uses what is seen by the world as a tragedy to show His goodness. To show His love. To show Himself. And that is just what God did through Hallie.
He drew Katie and Chris to a closer understanding of what it means to have an eternal perspective through Hallie. I dont want to presume to know what all the Lord has done in their hearts through Hallies life. But i can share what He has done in mine.
God has shown me that His ways are so far beyond my understanding. That He truly can take the most drab looking situation and use it for good. He promised this in His Word and I've always know it. Again. In my mind. My intellect. But now, it resonates in my heart. So many things that I've always known to be true have now found a place of faith in my heart, not just my head.
So Katie and Chris, I am grateful for you. I'm grateful for your obedience. The obedience the Lord asked of you was not death on a Cross as He asked his Son, but it was profound and large and required discipline, none the less.
You have shown me the reward for obedience. A life that closer reflects that of our Savior.
I've said a hundred times through all of this that I'm so honored and proud to call you my friends. And that is true. But what makes me most proud is not your strength or your courage, but in your discipline to allow the Holy Spirit to give you strength that only comes from Him. To give you courage that only He can give. To see you empty yourselves and move past an attempt to control and to give up everything... that is what I most admire. And what I most desire for myself.
There are 2 ways to learn: live through something or learn from those who have.
We would all be fools to have watched Katie and Chris (and their entire families), to have seen Hallie's sweet face, to have had the privilege to share in this journey as best we could and choose to not walk away more disciplined, just as Katie and Chris have done, to lay down our desires for those of our Heavenly Father.
He has more than proved Himself through Hallie's life. And will do the same in ours.
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Start of Labor Day Weekend...
was a little less than ideal.
Today started much earlier than anticipated. Mack has been waking out of habit, wanting us to come hold him and give him a paci (meaning we hold it in his mouth... otherwise it pops out, like, across the room!) and rock him for 15-30 minutes. Well, I'm tired of it and now that i feel certain that he's not waking out of discomfort from reflux, we had decided to start letting him CIO (cry it out) to get rid of this nasty habit. That was the plan as we went to bed last night.
But at 5:45am he started fussing and a glance at the way too bright video monitor showed that he had wiggled OUT of his swaddle (we dont put his feet in the miracle blanket b/c his legs are too long and it seems to bother him) and the swaddle was up around his neck. Hmmm... cant really let that go and be a responsible parent, i guess :-) So Jeff went to rescue him.
Only to return to me 5 seconds later saying he couldnt re-swaddle him b/c Mack had puked and it was sour and that his whole room WREAKED.
And it did.
So, at 5:45 am, instead of sleeping, Mack was getting one of these....
Thats how bad he smelled. Poor guy.
And he almost thought it was pretty great, except that he was still sleepy... like most normal people at 5:45am :-( Including his Momma.
Jeff started a load of laundry to take care of the sour smell. And without a swaddle blanket (the other one stays at Tracy's house for naps there), I was kind of at a loss. So i just held him. With a paci in his mouth. So it looks like he won the battle!
When Rhyan got up, she told me she wanted to go potty and wanted "panties wike Tay-yer" (panties like Taylor). OH my. Doesnt she know i'm a lazy Momma who doesnt want to deal with potty training yet?!
Apparently not. So I put her on some of these...
but she didnt "wike" them b/c they were plastic and they "hurt". Btw, i put her on regular underwear covered with the plastic stuff. So off the plastic protective cover went :-(
We had breakfast and it was time to put Mack down for a nap. His swaddle blanket still wasnt dry so i had to come up with plan B. I dont do plan b's very well. But i ended up finding a baby flannel blanket that is oversized and would wrap around him enough to make a snug swaddle blanket.
Thank goodness, it worked.
For an hour. Then he broke free 20 min. before time to eat again and lay there fussing a minute and drifting off to sleep a minute, fussing a minute, etc... until I finally went and got him at 10am to feed him.
During the amount of time that it took for me to swaddle him and lay him down, however, Rhyan had her first "Oh My Word! MESS!" moment.
Yep, she pee pee'd in her new panties. She was quite upset. I told her no big deal and we'd keep trying. She was ok with that.
By lunch there were 3 dirty panties in my sink.
Luckily, we stayed outside all morning so a jug of water washed away any "mess" :-)
Naptime. Halleujah. A diaper!
Mack and I enjoyed his 1pm bottle and time together with a few laughs, lots of smiles and some admiration of the fan and each other.
I cleaned the house before Jeff got home so he doesnt think i've done nothing all day (seriously, he wouldnt notice if a tornado came through and ripped the place apart, but i like for him to come home to a clean-ish home if i can manage it).
Mommie and Jonathan came at 3:15 to sit with the kids (who were still napping) so that Jeff and I could take the van for its 60K mile service.
Out of exhaustion, i asked him to let us waiver from our weight watchers diet and get a grilled chicken sandwich from CFA on the way home. He agreed. And then ordered NOTHING b/c he said he wont be taken down with me! grrrr. haha :-) I dont care and enjoyed my sandwich.
We got home and I headed to Target to get some thicker "training" panties.
I fed Mack, as usual, at 7pm. And right before putting him to bed, he vomited up what looked like half his bottle. The Zantac seems to be keeping him comfortable, but his puking is getting worse? How is that?! We started over with the getting ready for bed process with a new onesie, new aquaphor on all the dry spots that i just had to wipe to get the puke off.
In the meanwhile, Rhyan was peeing in another pair of panties.
I decide to hold my composure and give her yet another pair of clean panties and head outside for the rest of the evening.
As we are playing outside, she starts to come towards me with a toy in her left hand and one of these in her right...
Only the one she was holding was dead. And had its guts coming out of it. When i asked her what she had she said "its sad!". And indeed it was. And gross. But apparently my compassionate little bug loving daughter didnt care that it was gross. And fyi, its quite possible that his death was at her hand. For some reason she thinks she's supposed to "STOMP IT!" on every bug but doesnt seem to put 2 and 2 together to realize that the stomp leads to the "sad" part.
Side note: one caterpillar last week got away without getting stomped. Instead she "spank him". Geez. You'd think we beat our child regularly the way she wants to spank everything. :-(
She wanted me to find it a place to live in the grass. Eww. Ok.
She peed in her panties again while i placed it in the grass. And i decided it was bedtime. Close enough. And i'm all used up :-)
So, while my hubby is off parking cars at Archer for their first homegame of the season, I'm washing some clothes with hopes for a fresh, cleaner start to tomorrow. A day that will be filled with diapers, not panties, and prayers for less puking.
And in hopes of escaping the bodily fluids from the children that i love, i picked up this on my run to target
and i plan to indulge myself in this little piece of trash for the next 30 min or so until i hit the hay... wondering what adventures tonight might bring!
Today started much earlier than anticipated. Mack has been waking out of habit, wanting us to come hold him and give him a paci (meaning we hold it in his mouth... otherwise it pops out, like, across the room!) and rock him for 15-30 minutes. Well, I'm tired of it and now that i feel certain that he's not waking out of discomfort from reflux, we had decided to start letting him CIO (cry it out) to get rid of this nasty habit. That was the plan as we went to bed last night.
But at 5:45am he started fussing and a glance at the way too bright video monitor showed that he had wiggled OUT of his swaddle (we dont put his feet in the miracle blanket b/c his legs are too long and it seems to bother him) and the swaddle was up around his neck. Hmmm... cant really let that go and be a responsible parent, i guess :-) So Jeff went to rescue him.
Only to return to me 5 seconds later saying he couldnt re-swaddle him b/c Mack had puked and it was sour and that his whole room WREAKED.
And it did.
So, at 5:45 am, instead of sleeping, Mack was getting one of these....
Thats how bad he smelled. Poor guy.
And he almost thought it was pretty great, except that he was still sleepy... like most normal people at 5:45am :-( Including his Momma.
Jeff started a load of laundry to take care of the sour smell. And without a swaddle blanket (the other one stays at Tracy's house for naps there), I was kind of at a loss. So i just held him. With a paci in his mouth. So it looks like he won the battle!
When Rhyan got up, she told me she wanted to go potty and wanted "panties wike Tay-yer" (panties like Taylor). OH my. Doesnt she know i'm a lazy Momma who doesnt want to deal with potty training yet?!
Apparently not. So I put her on some of these...
but she didnt "wike" them b/c they were plastic and they "hurt". Btw, i put her on regular underwear covered with the plastic stuff. So off the plastic protective cover went :-(
We had breakfast and it was time to put Mack down for a nap. His swaddle blanket still wasnt dry so i had to come up with plan B. I dont do plan b's very well. But i ended up finding a baby flannel blanket that is oversized and would wrap around him enough to make a snug swaddle blanket.
Thank goodness, it worked.
For an hour. Then he broke free 20 min. before time to eat again and lay there fussing a minute and drifting off to sleep a minute, fussing a minute, etc... until I finally went and got him at 10am to feed him.
During the amount of time that it took for me to swaddle him and lay him down, however, Rhyan had her first "Oh My Word! MESS!" moment.
Yep, she pee pee'd in her new panties. She was quite upset. I told her no big deal and we'd keep trying. She was ok with that.
By lunch there were 3 dirty panties in my sink.
Luckily, we stayed outside all morning so a jug of water washed away any "mess" :-)
Naptime. Halleujah. A diaper!
Mack and I enjoyed his 1pm bottle and time together with a few laughs, lots of smiles and some admiration of the fan and each other.
I cleaned the house before Jeff got home so he doesnt think i've done nothing all day (seriously, he wouldnt notice if a tornado came through and ripped the place apart, but i like for him to come home to a clean-ish home if i can manage it).
Mommie and Jonathan came at 3:15 to sit with the kids (who were still napping) so that Jeff and I could take the van for its 60K mile service.
Out of exhaustion, i asked him to let us waiver from our weight watchers diet and get a grilled chicken sandwich from CFA on the way home. He agreed. And then ordered NOTHING b/c he said he wont be taken down with me! grrrr. haha :-) I dont care and enjoyed my sandwich.
We got home and I headed to Target to get some thicker "training" panties.
I fed Mack, as usual, at 7pm. And right before putting him to bed, he vomited up what looked like half his bottle. The Zantac seems to be keeping him comfortable, but his puking is getting worse? How is that?! We started over with the getting ready for bed process with a new onesie, new aquaphor on all the dry spots that i just had to wipe to get the puke off.
In the meanwhile, Rhyan was peeing in another pair of panties.
I decide to hold my composure and give her yet another pair of clean panties and head outside for the rest of the evening.
As we are playing outside, she starts to come towards me with a toy in her left hand and one of these in her right...
Only the one she was holding was dead. And had its guts coming out of it. When i asked her what she had she said "its sad!". And indeed it was. And gross. But apparently my compassionate little bug loving daughter didnt care that it was gross. And fyi, its quite possible that his death was at her hand. For some reason she thinks she's supposed to "STOMP IT!" on every bug but doesnt seem to put 2 and 2 together to realize that the stomp leads to the "sad" part.
Side note: one caterpillar last week got away without getting stomped. Instead she "spank him". Geez. You'd think we beat our child regularly the way she wants to spank everything. :-(
She wanted me to find it a place to live in the grass. Eww. Ok.
She peed in her panties again while i placed it in the grass. And i decided it was bedtime. Close enough. And i'm all used up :-)
So, while my hubby is off parking cars at Archer for their first homegame of the season, I'm washing some clothes with hopes for a fresh, cleaner start to tomorrow. A day that will be filled with diapers, not panties, and prayers for less puking.
And in hopes of escaping the bodily fluids from the children that i love, i picked up this on my run to target
and i plan to indulge myself in this little piece of trash for the next 30 min or so until i hit the hay... wondering what adventures tonight might bring!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Reflections: Part III
In the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday, April 28th Jeff was sitting by my side asking what he could do to help and my answer was the same, repetedly.... "nothing. i'm fine. i promise". The epidural was NOT working and I was hurting with each contraction badly.
I finally told the nurse that I really wanted her to call the anesthesiologist and ask them to completely redo the epidural. She agreed that it was time. He was there within a half hour or so, but it felt like an eternity. By 3am I had a new, fabulous, epidural. I will say that having to bend over like that and hold still while hurting that badly was the hardest thing i'd done so far. But Jeff was great and encouraged me the whole time.
Mommie and Mama arrived around 3:45 and Elizabeth (my half sister) was there within 30 more minutes. Close to 4:30 I started feeling a lot of pressure again. No "hot spots" this time, but just a lot of pressure. The nurse came to check me and our family exited to the waiting room for the duration. I needed rest before I had to start pushing. Turns out, I was already at 10cm!!!
The nurse said I'd start pushing at 5:30 (looking back and thinking forward, this will simply NOT happen again. This go round, when i hit 10cm, I'm pushing. Period. I will tell the nurse to call Dr Pohl who i know will come to the hospital whenever its time... but i will NOT let my baby sit in the birth canal for almost an hour and a half while I'm fully dilated while a nurse tells me to wait b/c that's most convenient for them... ). So at 5:40 I pushed for the 1st time.
My 2nd epidural was placed pretty low which did 2 things... 1st, it was not very strong and I could still feel a decent amount. Not enough to think I was dying, but enough to know what was happening. 2nd, I could still feel every contraction up at the top of my uterus. For this reason, I knew when to push way before the contraction showed up on the monitor. Tricia was great and allowed me to kind of lead the process from them on (once she realized i knew what to do).
Dr Pohl came in a little after 6am and got his scrubs on and the baby care tray ready. He adjusted the bed to a better position for labor and birth and the pushing continued. Meanwhile, they finally had ok'd me drinking water and i'd basically already drank 1/2 a gallon. I asked Jeff (my water lackey! haha!) for more to which he replied "there is no more! its all gone". I assured him I would drink the water from the toilet at that point but that I felt certain that there was some in the sink :-) I still think its funny that he didnt think of that. I think he was very focused on me and the baby!
After Rhyan's head came out, Dr Pohl had to do an episotomy b/c she was facing the wrong way. So he told me to not push (which turns out was the hardest thing EVER! seeing as how she was 1/2 out, 1/2 in!) and did a cut so that he could reach up in there and turn her over. Um, fyi, that was pretty much the worst part. I am a very quiet person when I'm in pain, but this was something I couldnt help but to whimper over. I didnt cry, but omg, i thought I was going to.
One more push and BAM, there was Rhyan.
She scored a 9 on her immediate APGAR and a 10 at the 10 min recheck. She was (is) perfect :-)
Dr Pohl had Jeff cut the cord and placed her on my belly. I was in shock. I'm not gonna lie. My 1st thought was "OMG. What am I gonna do now?!". I wanted desperately to protect her and care for her and at the same time, I was terrified. I looked to Jeff (bad move) who also looked terrified. I'm laughing thinking back on this :-) I bet Dr Pohl sees 1st time parents express this face all the time! ha!
The placenta, the stitches, blah, blah, blah.... (i didnt realize that part takes so long! ugh!)
Before I knew it the family was in the room with us (both sets of parents...) and we were all staring at this little life. This amazing life!
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I had been terrified of losing the baby like we had our 1st. But God was so good to give me a verse from my favorite book of the bible during a quiet time one morning. This is what His word said to my heart in Isaiah 43:18,19
“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not know it?"
I clung to that verse throughout my pregnancy but indeed, i did NOT know the incredible new thing that Christ was doing in and through me. I had no clue that this little life that He was forming would change my life and my heart. That I would get, through Rhyan, a taste of how the Lord feels for me. Loves me. Longs for a relationship with me. Through Rhyan I have gotten a glimpse of what it must be like to be my Heavenly Father... to love when someone is not loveable. When someone is not deserving. When they have done nothing to have earned favor.
So, while 2 years I was terrified of what God had given us, today I am nothing short of grateful for His grace and mercy and for His incredible gift that He has given to us in the form of Rhyan. She is my 1st born and has taught me so much in these short 2 years.
My sweet Rhyan
You will never, ever know just how blessed I am to be your mommy. You bring joy to mine and your Daddy's life that we've never known before. Pure, unadulterated joy!
I sing a song to you every night: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know, dear, how much i love you, please dont take my sunshine away...
My granny sang that song to me when I was a little girl and it is my honor to sing it to you each night. Never have truer words been sang! You do bring smiles to our faces with your silly little ways. And whats the most fun is that you sing the song along with me, now! Absolutely the most precious sound I've ever heard :-)
I adore you, sweet girl. Your Daddy and I take very seriously this charge given to us by the Lord to raise you to love your Heavenly Father more than anything else and we pray that you will choose to give your life and heart to Him at the earliest time you understand what that means.
You are such a sweet, fun little girl. You love the "outside" and could stay out from sun up till sun down when it's pretty out. You love to sing and love to read and both of these things make my heart happy.
You are SMART. And teachable. And precious.
And we love you.
And nothing will ever change that.
Mommy and Daddy
I finally told the nurse that I really wanted her to call the anesthesiologist and ask them to completely redo the epidural. She agreed that it was time. He was there within a half hour or so, but it felt like an eternity. By 3am I had a new, fabulous, epidural. I will say that having to bend over like that and hold still while hurting that badly was the hardest thing i'd done so far. But Jeff was great and encouraged me the whole time.
Mommie and Mama arrived around 3:45 and Elizabeth (my half sister) was there within 30 more minutes. Close to 4:30 I started feeling a lot of pressure again. No "hot spots" this time, but just a lot of pressure. The nurse came to check me and our family exited to the waiting room for the duration. I needed rest before I had to start pushing. Turns out, I was already at 10cm!!!
The nurse said I'd start pushing at 5:30 (looking back and thinking forward, this will simply NOT happen again. This go round, when i hit 10cm, I'm pushing. Period. I will tell the nurse to call Dr Pohl who i know will come to the hospital whenever its time... but i will NOT let my baby sit in the birth canal for almost an hour and a half while I'm fully dilated while a nurse tells me to wait b/c that's most convenient for them... ). So at 5:40 I pushed for the 1st time.
My 2nd epidural was placed pretty low which did 2 things... 1st, it was not very strong and I could still feel a decent amount. Not enough to think I was dying, but enough to know what was happening. 2nd, I could still feel every contraction up at the top of my uterus. For this reason, I knew when to push way before the contraction showed up on the monitor. Tricia was great and allowed me to kind of lead the process from them on (once she realized i knew what to do).
Dr Pohl came in a little after 6am and got his scrubs on and the baby care tray ready. He adjusted the bed to a better position for labor and birth and the pushing continued. Meanwhile, they finally had ok'd me drinking water and i'd basically already drank 1/2 a gallon. I asked Jeff (my water lackey! haha!) for more to which he replied "there is no more! its all gone". I assured him I would drink the water from the toilet at that point but that I felt certain that there was some in the sink :-) I still think its funny that he didnt think of that. I think he was very focused on me and the baby!
After Rhyan's head came out, Dr Pohl had to do an episotomy b/c she was facing the wrong way. So he told me to not push (which turns out was the hardest thing EVER! seeing as how she was 1/2 out, 1/2 in!) and did a cut so that he could reach up in there and turn her over. Um, fyi, that was pretty much the worst part. I am a very quiet person when I'm in pain, but this was something I couldnt help but to whimper over. I didnt cry, but omg, i thought I was going to.
One more push and BAM, there was Rhyan.
She scored a 9 on her immediate APGAR and a 10 at the 10 min recheck. She was (is) perfect :-)
Dr Pohl had Jeff cut the cord and placed her on my belly. I was in shock. I'm not gonna lie. My 1st thought was "OMG. What am I gonna do now?!". I wanted desperately to protect her and care for her and at the same time, I was terrified. I looked to Jeff (bad move) who also looked terrified. I'm laughing thinking back on this :-) I bet Dr Pohl sees 1st time parents express this face all the time! ha!
The placenta, the stitches, blah, blah, blah.... (i didnt realize that part takes so long! ugh!)
Before I knew it the family was in the room with us (both sets of parents...) and we were all staring at this little life. This amazing life!
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I had been terrified of losing the baby like we had our 1st. But God was so good to give me a verse from my favorite book of the bible during a quiet time one morning. This is what His word said to my heart in Isaiah 43:18,19“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not know it?"
I clung to that verse throughout my pregnancy but indeed, i did NOT know the incredible new thing that Christ was doing in and through me. I had no clue that this little life that He was forming would change my life and my heart. That I would get, through Rhyan, a taste of how the Lord feels for me. Loves me. Longs for a relationship with me. Through Rhyan I have gotten a glimpse of what it must be like to be my Heavenly Father... to love when someone is not loveable. When someone is not deserving. When they have done nothing to have earned favor.
So, while 2 years I was terrified of what God had given us, today I am nothing short of grateful for His grace and mercy and for His incredible gift that He has given to us in the form of Rhyan. She is my 1st born and has taught me so much in these short 2 years.
My sweet RhyanYou will never, ever know just how blessed I am to be your mommy. You bring joy to mine and your Daddy's life that we've never known before. Pure, unadulterated joy!
I sing a song to you every night: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know, dear, how much i love you, please dont take my sunshine away...
My granny sang that song to me when I was a little girl and it is my honor to sing it to you each night. Never have truer words been sang! You do bring smiles to our faces with your silly little ways. And whats the most fun is that you sing the song along with me, now! Absolutely the most precious sound I've ever heard :-)
I adore you, sweet girl. Your Daddy and I take very seriously this charge given to us by the Lord to raise you to love your Heavenly Father more than anything else and we pray that you will choose to give your life and heart to Him at the earliest time you understand what that means.
You are such a sweet, fun little girl. You love the "outside" and could stay out from sun up till sun down when it's pretty out. You love to sing and love to read and both of these things make my heart happy.
You are SMART. And teachable. And precious.
And we love you.
And nothing will ever change that.
Mommy and Daddy
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Reflections
Its crazy to think that 2 years ago at this time, I was packing my bags and making sure everything was ready for us to go to the hospital the next morning and be induced to have little Rhyan.
Its crazy to think of how scared i was. Scared that Spud would think I didnt love him anymore. Scared to be a mom. Scared of what Jeff would think about being a dad (would he regret it?!).
Its crazy to think that I ever thought that anything other than pure joy would be brought into our lives in the next 36 hours...
more to come!
Its crazy to think of how scared i was. Scared that Spud would think I didnt love him anymore. Scared to be a mom. Scared of what Jeff would think about being a dad (would he regret it?!).
Its crazy to think that I ever thought that anything other than pure joy would be brought into our lives in the next 36 hours...
more to come!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Stylish Blogger Award!
Here's the rules of this award:
Ok, so Emily at The Journey of Parenthood recently chose me for a stylish blogger award! Funny, seeing as how I dont consider my blog to be particularly "stylish" and use it mainly as a way to keep up with our family for our blog book! But, I'll play along and consider it a little flattering :-)
So I have to share 7 things about myself, huh? And I suppose they are supposed to be interesting things... which is a little difficult since I have a pretty boring life! (thankfully so!). But here it goes, anyways!
1. I'm in my 7th month (32weeks) of my pregnancy and am having a baby boy early June! I am carrying this baby very differently than I did Rhyan... this little fella is all out front and boy, is he big! Just Monday I went for a checkup and found out that while I should be measuring 32cm (the same # of cm as weeks along), I'm actually measuring 37! Did anyone other than me gasp at that?! I've only gained 22lbs (officially, according to Dr. Pohls office) so its not that i'm gaining too much fat... apparently the baby is just a little big. It can also be that he hasn't "dropped" yet. Lets hope thats the case!
2. I'm a dental hygienist. I really, really like my job. I love my patients and (most of) the girls I work with! In 7th grade when we had to shadow a professional in a career we were interested in, I shadowed my dentist :-) I love helping people be healthier and learn about their bodies and how our immune system works. I love getting to know people and not having to form some great bond that requires that I call them daily (more on this later) but instead, feeling like i'm catching up with an old friend every 6 months :-)
3. I'm an only child. I am very independent because of that. People who seem to "need" for me to talk to them daily in order to maintain a friendship are people that i AVOID! They freak me out a little :-) This plays into why I enjoy my job so much! I dont get attached to people easily but that doesnt mean that I dont care. I'm just not one to check in daily.
4. Jeff and I have been married for 10 years this August! Which means we've been "together" (as in, dating plus married) for 15 years! Thats almost 1/2 our lives! I love that we've grown up together and know pretty much everything about each other. We used to say that we were going somewhere great for our 10 year celebration, but little did we know then that we'd be having baby #2 this summer!
5. I was scared when I was preggo with Rhyan of being a Mom. Because of the fact that I'm an only child, I had not a clue as to what to do with her once we had her :-) I read lots of books and we've kind of just figured it out as we've gone. Turns out, we're not terrible parents after all! We make mistakes like all parents do, but I think she's turning out pretty well so far. This go round, I feel much more comfortable. Possibly to the point of being a little slack. I hope it all comes back to me! ha!
6. I'm slightly obsessed with Survivor and The Young and the Restless. There are several other shows that I like, but these two shows i simply WILL NOT MISS! :-) Jeff is the one who got me hooked on Y&R b/c he started watching it in college. I made fun of him for years but then one day I was sick and it came on and I just sat and watched it... and havent missed an episode since!
7. Lastly... what else? I'm kind of a weirdo about feet. I love baby feet but think adult feet are kind of gross. But i cant help but to look at them even (or ESPECIALLY) if they're gross! I mean, why is it that some people think that toenails that are so long that they cant wear shoes are normal? I mean, geez!
Ok, so there are some things about me.
And I'm supposed to choose 5 people to pass this on to...
So i choose
1. Rachael
2. Katie
3. Lindsay
4. Natalia
5. Nicole
1. Link back to and thank the person who gave you the award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award 5 stylish blogs you read
4. Contact them and let them know you've given them the award!
Ok, so Emily at The Journey of Parenthood recently chose me for a stylish blogger award! Funny, seeing as how I dont consider my blog to be particularly "stylish" and use it mainly as a way to keep up with our family for our blog book! But, I'll play along and consider it a little flattering :-)
So I have to share 7 things about myself, huh? And I suppose they are supposed to be interesting things... which is a little difficult since I have a pretty boring life! (thankfully so!). But here it goes, anyways!
1. I'm in my 7th month (32weeks) of my pregnancy and am having a baby boy early June! I am carrying this baby very differently than I did Rhyan... this little fella is all out front and boy, is he big! Just Monday I went for a checkup and found out that while I should be measuring 32cm (the same # of cm as weeks along), I'm actually measuring 37! Did anyone other than me gasp at that?! I've only gained 22lbs (officially, according to Dr. Pohls office) so its not that i'm gaining too much fat... apparently the baby is just a little big. It can also be that he hasn't "dropped" yet. Lets hope thats the case!
2. I'm a dental hygienist. I really, really like my job. I love my patients and (most of) the girls I work with! In 7th grade when we had to shadow a professional in a career we were interested in, I shadowed my dentist :-) I love helping people be healthier and learn about their bodies and how our immune system works. I love getting to know people and not having to form some great bond that requires that I call them daily (more on this later) but instead, feeling like i'm catching up with an old friend every 6 months :-)
3. I'm an only child. I am very independent because of that. People who seem to "need" for me to talk to them daily in order to maintain a friendship are people that i AVOID! They freak me out a little :-) This plays into why I enjoy my job so much! I dont get attached to people easily but that doesnt mean that I dont care. I'm just not one to check in daily.
4. Jeff and I have been married for 10 years this August! Which means we've been "together" (as in, dating plus married) for 15 years! Thats almost 1/2 our lives! I love that we've grown up together and know pretty much everything about each other. We used to say that we were going somewhere great for our 10 year celebration, but little did we know then that we'd be having baby #2 this summer!
5. I was scared when I was preggo with Rhyan of being a Mom. Because of the fact that I'm an only child, I had not a clue as to what to do with her once we had her :-) I read lots of books and we've kind of just figured it out as we've gone. Turns out, we're not terrible parents after all! We make mistakes like all parents do, but I think she's turning out pretty well so far. This go round, I feel much more comfortable. Possibly to the point of being a little slack. I hope it all comes back to me! ha!
6. I'm slightly obsessed with Survivor and The Young and the Restless. There are several other shows that I like, but these two shows i simply WILL NOT MISS! :-) Jeff is the one who got me hooked on Y&R b/c he started watching it in college. I made fun of him for years but then one day I was sick and it came on and I just sat and watched it... and havent missed an episode since!
7. Lastly... what else? I'm kind of a weirdo about feet. I love baby feet but think adult feet are kind of gross. But i cant help but to look at them even (or ESPECIALLY) if they're gross! I mean, why is it that some people think that toenails that are so long that they cant wear shoes are normal? I mean, geez!
Ok, so there are some things about me.
And I'm supposed to choose 5 people to pass this on to...
So i choose
1. Rachael
2. Katie
3. Lindsay
4. Natalia
5. Nicole
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Cha-Cha-Changes!
Hope you like the new blog background :-) I was up for a more spring time like change to go with all the other changes...
I'm too exhausted to post pics right now but wanted to keep up with life at least in words!
1st off- the pic at the top of our blog is not excluding Jeff for any reason except that I hated the old pic (of me!) and wanted a good one of me and Rhyan. So until we get a good family shot again, this will have to do!
2ndly- We are the proud new owners of a VAN. Omg... i almost gag a little when i say it. lol. But really, we feel so blessed to have the van. Its a loooooong story of a loooooooooong search. But the end result was that our patience paid off and we scored a 2007 Honda Odyssey Touring model (meaning, fully loaded with everything imaginable) for a great price! I'll do a separate post on it, but for now, I just wanted to publicly give thanks to the Lord for His provision. So, I'm totally trying to embrace the blessings the Lord has given us!!
Lastly- this weekend was crazy (it was when we went all the way to NC on a whim to see the van we ended up buying...) but it also held my 1st baby shower. It was hosted by my sweet sister-in-law, Liz and was just for a few friends. It was a luncheon held at the Olive Garden and we got some cute outfits, diapers!, sweet books for his own little library and a few other cute things including the BABY BOOK I registered for (super excited about that!).
April is a CRAZY month for us. This weekend, Jeff's team has a baseball tournament and I need to finalize some things for Rhyan's 2nd birthday. Next Thursday, my baby will be two. She already knows when she's asked how old she is that she should respond with "twoooo" :-) My heart wants her to know that she's still just one, but lets face it, that'd just confuse her! Then, next Friday the girls from work are throwing me a little luncheon in the afternoon, the evening is a going away dinner for one of Jeff's old co-workers. Saturday morning is Rhyan's party, that evening is Jeff's brothers bday party (his actual bday is Sat) and then we'll finish off the night at PROM! Sunday is our shower from our church family (how incredibly blessed are we?). So, life is hectic right now. But God is good and has given me some good energy here lately!
OH! And I had my 32 week check up yesterday. Mckinnon is head down! My bp is great at 100/60, weight gain of 25lbs, his heart rate is 145 and the dr said i can take zantac for my newly developed reflux. GREAT checkup!
So, stay tuned for updates. I'll try my best to keep up with it all :-)
I'm too exhausted to post pics right now but wanted to keep up with life at least in words!
1st off- the pic at the top of our blog is not excluding Jeff for any reason except that I hated the old pic (of me!) and wanted a good one of me and Rhyan. So until we get a good family shot again, this will have to do!
2ndly- We are the proud new owners of a VAN. Omg... i almost gag a little when i say it. lol. But really, we feel so blessed to have the van. Its a loooooong story of a loooooooooong search. But the end result was that our patience paid off and we scored a 2007 Honda Odyssey Touring model (meaning, fully loaded with everything imaginable) for a great price! I'll do a separate post on it, but for now, I just wanted to publicly give thanks to the Lord for His provision. So, I'm totally trying to embrace the blessings the Lord has given us!!
Lastly- this weekend was crazy (it was when we went all the way to NC on a whim to see the van we ended up buying...) but it also held my 1st baby shower. It was hosted by my sweet sister-in-law, Liz and was just for a few friends. It was a luncheon held at the Olive Garden and we got some cute outfits, diapers!, sweet books for his own little library and a few other cute things including the BABY BOOK I registered for (super excited about that!).
April is a CRAZY month for us. This weekend, Jeff's team has a baseball tournament and I need to finalize some things for Rhyan's 2nd birthday. Next Thursday, my baby will be two. She already knows when she's asked how old she is that she should respond with "twoooo" :-) My heart wants her to know that she's still just one, but lets face it, that'd just confuse her! Then, next Friday the girls from work are throwing me a little luncheon in the afternoon, the evening is a going away dinner for one of Jeff's old co-workers. Saturday morning is Rhyan's party, that evening is Jeff's brothers bday party (his actual bday is Sat) and then we'll finish off the night at PROM! Sunday is our shower from our church family (how incredibly blessed are we?). So, life is hectic right now. But God is good and has given me some good energy here lately!
OH! And I had my 32 week check up yesterday. Mckinnon is head down! My bp is great at 100/60, weight gain of 25lbs, his heart rate is 145 and the dr said i can take zantac for my newly developed reflux. GREAT checkup!
So, stay tuned for updates. I'll try my best to keep up with it all :-)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
What life has become....
Pretty much every night that Jeff and I have at home together during the week, we spend it on opposite sides of the couch, on our computers. Jeff works on pre-planning stuff and I just watch tv, check facebook, blog, return emails and pay bills. Its pretty boring! HA!
In the meanwhile, I'm thinking "man, i really need to get to going through rhyan's old clothes to find unisex stuff... or maybe i should go do something, um, productive". But then, I'm tired and its much nicer to sit here and do nothing after a long day's work.
So, I look over from time to time and remind Jeff that next year, he'll have all of these great worksheets he's been working on this year and that it'll be less work (hopefully). And while it may be "boring", i'm glad i share my boring life with someone i love... who loves me :-)
In the meanwhile, I'm thinking "man, i really need to get to going through rhyan's old clothes to find unisex stuff... or maybe i should go do something, um, productive". But then, I'm tired and its much nicer to sit here and do nothing after a long day's work.
So, I look over from time to time and remind Jeff that next year, he'll have all of these great worksheets he's been working on this year and that it'll be less work (hopefully). And while it may be "boring", i'm glad i share my boring life with someone i love... who loves me :-)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Stream of Consciousness
I'm sitting here tonight enjoying the quiet of my home.
Jeff is coaching. Rhyan is asleep. Mack is kicking my guts out :-) Spud is being lazy spud.
A friend on facebook just blessed me with tickets to a pre-sale of a consignment that i LOVE, and so i'm really excited about that! And so humbled that not only did she offer me the ticket, but is also dropping it off at my work. I mean, how nice is that?! Talk about someone going out of their way to be kind to another!
I hit Rhyan in the head with the car door tonight when i went to close the door. Ok, i didnt slam her head in the door or anything, but the edge of the door hit her head. It was red and got a bump. I HATE having accidents like that. I know that accidents happen, but i dont think there is anything much worse than knowing you caused your childs cry :-(
My next thought: i hope no one calls dfacs on me b/c i posted that on the internet.
We got a crib this weekend and we already had a mattress, so i'm super excited to start decorating Mack's room. I still dont know if i love resigning to the idea of calling him Mack. I dont want for him to never be called Mckinnon. It's just too long to type! lol.
You can see the crib if you click here. Click on the pic to enlarge it. Jeff picked it out. I didnt love it at first, but he really loved it, which kind of made me love it :-)
Well, Jeff just got home from the game and i miss him and would rather talk with him in person than to type not knowing if anyone reads this. HA! NIGHT!
Jeff is coaching. Rhyan is asleep. Mack is kicking my guts out :-) Spud is being lazy spud.
A friend on facebook just blessed me with tickets to a pre-sale of a consignment that i LOVE, and so i'm really excited about that! And so humbled that not only did she offer me the ticket, but is also dropping it off at my work. I mean, how nice is that?! Talk about someone going out of their way to be kind to another!
I hit Rhyan in the head with the car door tonight when i went to close the door. Ok, i didnt slam her head in the door or anything, but the edge of the door hit her head. It was red and got a bump. I HATE having accidents like that. I know that accidents happen, but i dont think there is anything much worse than knowing you caused your childs cry :-(
My next thought: i hope no one calls dfacs on me b/c i posted that on the internet.
We got a crib this weekend and we already had a mattress, so i'm super excited to start decorating Mack's room. I still dont know if i love resigning to the idea of calling him Mack. I dont want for him to never be called Mckinnon. It's just too long to type! lol.
You can see the crib if you click here. Click on the pic to enlarge it. Jeff picked it out. I didnt love it at first, but he really loved it, which kind of made me love it :-)
Well, Jeff just got home from the game and i miss him and would rather talk with him in person than to type not knowing if anyone reads this. HA! NIGHT!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Mini-Update
Just so you all dont think i've gone and jumped off a ledge or anything, I'm off today (Friday) and Rhyan and I have had a blast so far going shopping, buying her a potty (that she may never use, but hey! everyone should own one! lol), getting groceries and dining for lunch at our fav, CFA. She went down the slide a TON today by herself (She usually sits at the top and whines until someone goes down with her, which i am officially getting too huge to do) which was awesome.
We've had fun and are soaking up every minute together. She didnt even say "Tracy" all morning after we got to Target! Thats progress seeing as how Tracy is her new favorite person and her new favorite word :-) (which i'm TOTALLY grateful for, btw! I'd much rather she cry when i take her from Tracy's house then to cry when i leave her with Tracy!... we are seriously blessed that they have such a sweet relationship!). In other words, she was having so much fun w/ me, she didnt even think about how great tracy is for a couple of hours. HA!
And i'm really looking forward to our little family going to longhorns tonight to eat w/ jeff's brother and Liz, his wife.
My point being, the pity party is over and the BEAUTIFUL weekend is here! I plan to enjoy every second of it with my little family :-) Hope you do, too!
We've had fun and are soaking up every minute together. She didnt even say "Tracy" all morning after we got to Target! Thats progress seeing as how Tracy is her new favorite person and her new favorite word :-) (which i'm TOTALLY grateful for, btw! I'd much rather she cry when i take her from Tracy's house then to cry when i leave her with Tracy!... we are seriously blessed that they have such a sweet relationship!). In other words, she was having so much fun w/ me, she didnt even think about how great tracy is for a couple of hours. HA!
And i'm really looking forward to our little family going to longhorns tonight to eat w/ jeff's brother and Liz, his wife.
My point being, the pity party is over and the BEAUTIFUL weekend is here! I plan to enjoy every second of it with my little family :-) Hope you do, too!
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