Left to wonder...

Tuesday nights are dedicated to one thing: the biggest loser. Jeff and i are avid fans, having watched every season since the first. It is considered acceptable to allow some shows to sit on the dvr until the time comes that we have a free moment to catch up. The b.l., however, does not fall into this category. It is always, and i do mean always, watched day of.

I'll admit that I'm hating on Tracy this season. So much so that i wouldn't mind seeing her gain a hundred pounds or so. Uh, did i say that? Yep. I guess i did.

But the disdain that i feel for her is over come by the absolute love i have for Abby. Not because of her story, but because she inspires me to "choose differently". Not that I've chosen differently, but she inspires me to consider it :-).

Abby shared her story tonight.

2.5 years ago, Abby lost her husband, 5 year old daughter and baby son (only a few months old) in a car accident. In a car that she should have been in. But she wasn't. And for 2.5 years she has been left to live, or at least exist, in this world without them. As i type, tears pour down my face at the mere thought of losing Jeff and Rhyan. My heart aches, literally ACHES at the idea. But to be left to live through this... i don't see how!

But then again, i do. "If __________, then _____". This is a lesson in the Beth Moore bible study of Esther that i am currently doing. Beth encouraged us to each consider that which we fear the most. Anything in the world that may keep us from sleeping at night because we may fear it so much. For some it may be the thought of her husband cheating on her. Her child being abused. Going bankrupt... whatever. She asked us to fill in the blank, mentally. To really think about that fear and what if... what if it really did happen. Then what. Would we die. Just die? Would we kill someone? Would we fall apart?

Or would we trust that God... the ANCIENT OF DAYS who created this world and every living thing in it... had it all under control. That He was still God.

Would we? Would I? Because as i sit and entertain the thought of losing my incredible husband who i adore, my daughter who is everything to me, i just don't know. Which leads me to one conclusion: my mind has limited God. And until I move from this place, my trust will be no greater than the box that I have put Him in.

But take comfort in this: God is NOT in a box! And my idea of Him pales in comparison of who He really is. God Word is TRUE... not my "feelings". And not yours, either! Praise GOD!

So while we may fear that He does not have life in control, take heed of His word and rest in it:
"But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."
Isaiah 43
What might you not be trusting him with today?

Precious Pics

LOVE that smile

How pitiful!

Pucker up... she's ready for her first kiss (NO!!!!!!)

Her very FIRST time w/ a sippy cup. She did GREAT!

What a cute face :-) Love the tongue sticking out

Her obvious rebellion of tummy time. She'll show me... she'll just go to sleep. Still sucking those fingers!

Hope you enjoyed the "Friday Photos". If people dont start commenting on this thing and letting me know that you actually read it, i'm not gonna take time to do it. But if you do, come back next week for more. I'll try to make it a regular thing :-) There's also a cute new post/pic below...

Wordless Wednesday

Well, almost wordless. The girl LOVES her jumper :-) Thanks, Heather!

Blast from the past

The following is a post from my old blog that i read tonight. I first posted it in August of last year. And i find it just as relevant today. My, how quickly we forget what God has been doing in our lives. Its good to remember. To get back on track.

August 2008:

My childhood was spent in a little baptist church. The same families had always gone there and there was a small childrens ministry but really no place to go after you got into high school. So in 9th and 10th grade i really didnt know what to do. Then one morning I decided to go to the morning prayer meeting at school (dacula high). I took plenty of school work since it was in the library just in case i didnt know anyone. But when I walked in, I was greeted by a lifelong pal, April Hall. She included me in the prayer group and asked me afterwords if i’d like to come to her church that friday for a lock-in. She continued asking throughout the week and her persistence paid off.

When I got to the church that friday evening, April introduced me to lots of people and hung around w/ me. She made me feel really comfortable. And so, i had found a new church. Now, i was only 14 and my family didnt go to church there, but the youth pastor lived right down the road from me and picked me up most sundays and wednesdays.

I became good friends with a group of girls (Angela, April, Ashley, Lindsay and Tanaya). They were an established group of friends, but they made room for me.

Then, on December 10th I accepted the Lord as my savior. Let me preface by saying that I had prayed a prayer as a child (6 years old) but didnt understand fully what it meant to give my life, i only wanted to accept Jesus. So I may very well have already have secured my eternity years back, but it was in December of that year that I felt confident that my heart belonged to Jesus.

And just as the isralites wandered in the desert for many years even after being rescued and released from slavery, I, too have done my wandering. And not to say that I have found my promise land and that my journey is over, but there is steady growth. Well, mostly steady…haha.

And its all because a 14 year old girl chose to be friendly. To show me Jesus through her attitude and caring spirit. To be persistent to love on me and make me feel welcome. She never laid out the gospel to me, but she brought me to the place where I could hear. Not only her, but that a group of girls loved on me, included me…and a youth pastor made time to pick me up. So many people have played a part in the story of my life!

"An expectant heart is truly a breeding ground for the miraculous" -Darlene from hillsong. Are you expecting great things from God in your life this week? Do we really believe that if we are obedient to just invite our co-workers and friends to church that God will move in their lives? Sometimes I don't. But i want my heart to be a breeding ground for the miraculous, so I’m going to try to choose to expect the unexpected. Pray for the miraculous. And watch and see what unfolds.

Stay tuned to see how God answers this! I’m excited…

No proof in a picture, but...

Rhyan lay down today with her head to the LEFT!!!!! She was on her tummy in the sunroom while i was in the kitchen piddling and she looked over to me and lay her head down. And she left it like that for 3-4 minutes, i guess. Her shoulder wasnt lifted or cocked up or anything. Funny thing, though, she was laying there with her arms straight out (like you would do if you were pretending to be an airplane.) So her body looked like -i- but of course unlike the symbol, she has legs.
Ok, so i'm trying to be creative w/ letters and punctuation marks. You get the point, i'm sure.
Anyways, i just kept saying to jeff (and to my mommie when she got here) "look at that! i cant believe it! She's doing so great! dont you think? Jeff? dont you think? mommie? dont you think so too? i'm so proud! She's just doing so great. look at that! isnt it exciting"....
and so on. yeah, they were as tired of me going on and on as you probably are reading it, but it was exciting and i am proud :-)

Start Spreading the News!!!

Yes, i hope you thought of the song when you read the title.

Great news! Rhyan had an adjustment on her helmet and a therapy appointment today. Diane, her therapist for the day, said that she was really improving! Her original measurments were as follows:

turning her head to the right-100 degrees
turning to the left-65 degrees
tilting head to the left-65degrees
tilting to the right-45 degrees

As of today, the measurements are as follows:

turning to right-105 degrees
turning left- 90 degrees!!!!
tilting to left- 70 degrees
tilting to right- 65 degrees

She is also holding her head in midline without pulling her shoulder (left shoulder) up to her ear. YAY!!!! She did really great today. Yes, she fussed. She always does at some point or another. But she worked really hard. In fact, she did some new exercises today because she's getting more advanced and needs more advanced workouts :-) lol.

Anyways, I'm grateful for her progress. For her stubbornness. As frustrating as it can be, that personality trait makes her die hard at getting to do something she wants to.

3 Years

Its been 3 years now. 3 years of life continuing at a pace that I can barely keep up with. Of season changes, birthdays and holidays coming and going. 3 years of having to live life without my Daddy.

And yet, time has not healed all wounds. I find it doubtful that it ever will.

There has never been a better Daddy. Ever.

Childhood memories take me back to when he was strong and full of life. To a time when he chose where and when he would go. When his days were consumed with choosing the right kind of wood to make his newest project with.

It was a good home to grow up in. Better than good, actually.

But his new home is perfect and in it all things are made right. His back is young and strong again. He stands tall. His feet no longer a burden. His heart, through Christ, made complete and whole again.

And one day, after the pace of this life is too much for me to sustain, I will join him. And get to spend eternity with my heavenly Father, and my earthly father who taught me to love Him. Short of having Daddy from 20 years ago here with me now, I can think of nothing greater.

Loving FALL!!

Fall is by far my very favorite time of year. I can leave the windows open and not be covered in pollen! The temperature is just ideal. There is nothing better than sitting on the back porch and eating breakfast while doing my bible study on a cool morning while Rhyan takes her nap! PERFECTION is found in fall :-)

Ok, now that i've gushed about how much i love this time of year... on to an update on Rhyan. She is doing really well again w/ her helmet. There is one small place on the back of her neck that we need to have adjusted. But its small and not that bad. So she's still wearing it in the meantime. I think we caught her in a growth spurt when we got the helmet. Richard (the helmet dude) said if you do, you tend to have a couple of rough weeks at the beginning b/c of the baby's head growing. So you need more adjustments. The upside is that you see change more quickly. And i have to say that Jeff and I both think her head is already looking better. AMAZING!!!

Last night we had the most upsetting thing happen. At just before midnight, Rhyan woke up crying (hard). Not like she was hurting... rather, as if something had upset or scared her. She hasnt woken up in the night since she was 8 weeks old so it scared me to death! I jumped out of bed to run to her and as i was trying to call for help, my voice would barely work. I was that scared. Keep in mind, she was fine! But my heart was so upset at hearing her cry out of no where. I held her, changed her and cried over her long after she had quit crying. After making sure nothing was wrong, we put her back to bed. Jeff said he thought maybe she had a bad dream! POOR BABY!!! She went right back to sleep. I, however, lay in bed crying and so shook up for a good 10 minutes. Jeff prayed for her (and me) and i tried SO hard to get over it... I still cant believe how it affected me. She almost NEVER cries. And i'm glad. My heart cant really take it.

Anyways, all is well around here. I guess i got a "wake up call" so to speak last night of just how much i love and long to protect my little girl. Even from bad dreams! :-)