Christmas Gift Getaway!

After all my worrying that my hubby had skipped out on getting me a gift this year for Christmas, he surprised me with an incredible get away to Chateau Elan for just the two of us! He got some serious brownie points this year!!

He arranged for my mom to come to the house and take care of the kids for us... unfortunately, Rhyan had gotten up that morning and all day had off and on ran a fever. She was acting completely normal after a dose of motrin, though, which is a tale-tale sign of it being viral instead of bacterial. (Great tip from our Dr: if they have a bacterial infection and you give meds, they will still be pitiful and not feel well... if its viral, they'll be "normal" on motrin and only pitiful w/ the fever... its not a science, obviously, but a very good rule of thumb to follow on when to take them to the dr vs when to wait it out...). I felt HORRIBLE leaving Mama with my sick girl, and equally HORRIBLE for leaving Rhyan when she was sick, but our night at Chateau Elan was a "use it or lose it" kind of thing...  So we decided it was just one night and we were local, so we went...

The evening started out with a couples massage at Massage Envy. My, i do love a massage!!!

And then on to dinner at Midevil Times. I had bought tickets for Jeff for Christmas and we decided to just roll it all into one night of fun... a night of gifts to each other! We had a GREAT time at Midevil Times!

We were seated in the red knights section which was right next to the King's balcony!

We really had a fun time at Midevil times! Like i said, we were rooting for the red knight. As soon as we saw him we thought he wouldnt win b/c he's kind of thin and the green knight was super buff.... but we were WRONG! I mean, i MIGHT have something to do w/ the fact that the thing is staged ;-) But no joke, our knight was so fun! He was great at getting us excited and he had a constant smile on his face!

The food is so so. I mean, its just a fun experience in general, but the food is not gourmet or anything! We had tomato soup (which i've never eaten), a chicken leg, potato, a rib (random?!) and for dessert, an apple pastry. Like, the kind you can get at Kroger! HA! But it was  yummy none the less!

OH, and from this experience, Jeff has new aspirations as a retired man. He has decided he will be the King at Midevil times in his retirement days. But he made sure to let me know that i would NOT be queen with him and that since only the Kings daughter is in the show and I'll clearly be too old to play that role, that I'll need to contain my jealously when he finds himself working with a young, beautiful maiden... 

sure....

Our hotel room was beautiful!

The room came with breakfast the next morning and a bottle of red wine. We dont drink, but we hated to waste the wine so we brought it home. Anyone want it? I'm thinking it'd be a good gift, but then I cant bring myself to give someone alcohol! HA! I know its a "nice" gift, but it just seems awkward!

We decided to treat ourselves to dessert at Chateau Elan. We could have ordered something off the menu, or it was an option to do an all you can eat dessert from their buffet. We went with the buffet so we could taste lots of things... turns out, dessert is NOT the chateau's forte. Cakes were dry. Pies werent good. Basically, i'm just glad they had a chocolate fondue fountain so i could get my money's worth! :-) But again, it was a nice experience to just sit and enjoy each other...

That night, my mom called a couple of times b/c Rhyan was upset and wanting us to come home. The thing is, she was TIRED. And i knew if she would just go to bed and sleep, she'd be better in the morning. So I talked to Rhyan on the phone to try to calm her down and told my mom to just put her to bed. She ended up taking a dose of motrin, going to bed and being FINE the next morning. Fever free the rest of the day...

Breakfast, as i said, was included in our package. So we made sure to take advantage of it! And oh my, was it goooood! Totally made up for the cruddy night before dessert!

We took our time and got home around noon or so... I'll admit that rhyan's being sick threw a loop in the plans for the night b/c i was pretty stressed and worried about her. But I AM glad that we stayed, especially since she did fine all night. And it was incredibly sweet of Jeff to plan the get away for us! I told him as we left the Chateau that I dont ever want another Christmas gift in a box again... I want a small get away together. That time away and with him was the best gift he's ever given me! AND, he benefits, too... so I'm pretty sure our Christmas to each other is set from now on :-) And for me, thats just perfect!

The Case for Church

News Flash: Life can be hard.

I know, i know. You're all sitting with your jaws in your laps because no one ever told you that before, right?!
No? ;-) Well then good. We've all learned that lesson! The question then becomes, what do we do when life gets hard?

Through the miscarriage, lies of believing that I was all alone in the world and that I didnt need help anyways, I realized some pretty important things.

I'm not alone. Duh, right? Of course I have my husband and children and a few close friends!

But I have felt alone for a pretty long time because all of my friends are those who I dont really share day to day life with. Angela lives in SC, Lindsay in Lawrenceville but our kids are different ages and we both lead busy lives. April is in TN. Ashley is living single life and kid free. Emily lives in Valdosta. The list goes on... I am SO blessed to have so many friends! However, in terms of our walks with the Lord, there is only so much impact that these types of friendships are going to have because of the distance or different life phases.

It was when I started to realize that i DO need people that i realized that we (as a couple) really dont have any close friends who DO hold us accountable and that we share life with in those kinds of ways.

Why? Well, partially because we're both slightly socially retarded, perhaps ;-) I'm an only child and grew up in the country, not a neighborhood. My cousins were my closest friends (Tracy still is a BFF) and to some extent, I find myself to be a little socially awkward. Maybe I'm hard on myself? Idk. Jeff, on the other hand, was always well liked in school and to this day if you know Jeff, you like him (or dont if you dont appreciate sarcasm and dry humor) but he's a guy... he doesnt really care so much if people like him. And he doesnt take time to invest in friendships (ie: making phone calls) often. His BFF's have been Ivan, who he worked with at the city (and they rarely talk now that they dont work together anymore), Jerry, who we went to church with forever (and they rarely talk now that we dont go to church together), Randy, who was our youth pastor we served under (and they rarely talk now that we dont serve at church together) and most recently Daniel, who has been his running buddy (and they are already not hanging out as much as Daniel is dating his "lobster"... so sweet... love them! but he's young and in love... and we dont go to church together).

See a trend here? Its become clear to me that unless Jeff has face to face contact with someone on a regular basis, he doesnt typically share much of a friendship with them.

I shared that our previous church had no one our age. Hence, his BFF being 21 years old. Well, I've always considered it a blessing to have older, wiser people around us to share life with, but as our kids are growing and we face new learning opportunities, I'm becoming more and more aware of how important it is to be at a church where there are other young families. And THIS was the big decision that came from our loss of the pregnancy in December.

We had gone back and forth for the last few years as to whether or not we should look for a new church. But we love the people at Oak Hill so much! So it has been a decision we've chosen to put on teh back burner for a while... and God, knowing that, and knowing that He had different plans for us, used the miscarriage to show us how important sharing life with others is!

Think about it... one of the MAJOR functions of the first church was for believers to share life together and encourage one another! And I do not believe that Gods intention has changed!

Needless to say, we have been visiting around. And while a decision has not yet been made as to what church to call "home", we finally feel good about the decision. Sharing life with people who are in a similar phase of life as you IS important. Having accountability from those people IS important. Being a part of a chruch, in general, IS important!

And I know that I hear all the time that  patients or friends of mine say "we love God and dont believe that you have to be a part of a church". Well, thats true. You dont HAVE to be. Although Gods word does tell us to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together...

But the real thing to look at here is why would you NOT want to be a part of a church? Do you not want to have friends who share godly values and goals for family? Do you not want the accountability of a body of believers? Church was set up by God to be a GOOD thing. Not something you MUST attend, but hopefully something that would spur you into spiritual growth.

And I know that a lot of people have been hurt by their church's in the past. Hello, preaching to the choir here. We know hurt. We know pain. And we know that that might possibly happen again because the church is filled with people who dont always obey Gods word, me included. But at some point we have to either believe that Gods word is true and applicable, or its not. And if we believe that it is, then we must also believe that we are a part of Gods body that needs to be put to work within a local community of believers in order to see His will established.

Its an obedience thing if you get down to it. And for some reason, obedience is hard.

But then, living life in disobedience is harder.

SO... my point. God is continuing to use hard circumstances to move us to make decisions that He's been leading us to make for quite some time. We were already IN church, but knew that God was wanting to move us from our complacent spot to something uncomfortable. For some people, God is wanting to move you from performing a disservice to yourself by not serving within a local body. Whatever the decision might be, however hard it might seem... Disobedience is harder.

If you're looking for a church, there are a ton of good ones around! But seeing as how we cant seem to pry ourselves away from Bethlehem church, I'd invite you there. Its a start!
www.bethlehemchurch.us

Refined (cont...)

Satan has many different tools that he uses. Lies that he tells.

And we have different "buttons" that can be pushed and affect us one way or another.

Because of the timing of the miscarriage, I didnt not have very many people to talk to. The holidays are busy and our small group from church wasn't getting together until the new year. I didnt want to be a debbie downer and randomly call up friends to talk to... but really, I thought that it wasnt that big of a deal (not the miscarriage itself, but the not having people to talk to). I have, after all, been through this twice before and "know" how to handle it. Right?

Wrong.

The thing is, even after dealing with this for 3 times now, I dont think that there is ever any getting used to it or knowing how to handle it. I dont know if this will make sense, but there are just new thoughts and emotions that come each time. Yes, some of the same issues that the Lord brought me through and taught me 4 years ago are lessons that I learned fairly well and could look back on and be reminded of Gods faithfulness. But then, there were some new issues that came up through this situation... hence, the continued refinement.

Does anyone else think its interesting that the SAME type circumstance can be used over and over and teach new things each time? I find it a tad annoying, personally (no offense, God!). I would much prefer to deal with a circumstance once, learn all there is to learn, and never  deal with it again. But then, when do we ever learn all there is to learn by experiencing something just once? Yeah, exactly. :-( This is true of losing a loved one, dealing with sickness, job loss, conflict at work, friendships, etc... we learn new things each time as our Refiner digs deeper into our hearts.

In our first loss, God dealt with me on my lack of submission and control freak nature. And while this all stems from pride, it was some of the symptoms of that pride which God dealt with in my heart.

The second loss taught me that i can trust God. I went into it determined to not make the same mistakes and to look back on my past experience and to know that Gods timing is perfect and that I can trust Him. I guess I dealt with the second loss the best.

And honestly, I was pretty proud that I didnt lose it the second go round. I had learned and applied, I thought...

In this situation, I learned something that I already knew but saw the manifestations of in a whole new way.

I am prideful. I know, nothing new, right? But my pride leads me to avoid others. To not want to depend on others. To want to just deal with things myself and never need anyone.

This is something God made me aware of YEARS ago and continues to deal with me on.

The biggest problem with this is that it keeps me from opening up and having intimate conversations with my husband. Now, in all honesty, he's probably been kind of grateful for that ;-) You know, men dont particularly enjoy touchy feely conversations. Well, lucky for him, neither do I. Because, again, I dont like to admit that things bother me and that I may need a shoulder to cry on. Because that would show weakness. Gasp.

And normally I would have a couple of convo's with a friend or two over the phone to discuss my feelings. Youknow the advantage (for someone like me) to a phone conversation is that you dont have to look in someones eyes and get to the heart of the matter. You can hold back tears and only go so deep and the person on the other line never knows that there is more. In person, they can sense that by seeing your facial expression... see you hold back the hurt or anger or tears. In a world where texting, facebooking, blogging, IMing and the rare phone conversation are as intimate as it gets, we have forgotten just how telling it is to look into someones eyes and on their face.

So, I convinced myself that it didnt matter that we werent having small group. That I shouldnt call and burden my BFF's. That this was a happy time of year and that I should just keep busy and join in the fun and everything would be fine.

But weeks passed and I felt myself feeling more alone than ever. I had isolated myself. Built protective little walls around my heart so that no one could see that I was hurting. And the worst part? I had convinced myself that I should be proud of myself for doing so! (more pride...). But in reality, I had quite effectively kept out those who love me. The Lord. My friends. My husband.

Instead, I turned to staying up late and just surfing on the internet or watching tv. Anything mindless that would keep my heart from being engaged in a conversation. I avoided reading Gods Word. Avoided praying. Avoided anything past a superficial conversation with anyone. And my sleep deprivation made me testy and impatient with my children, yet I continued to pursue mindless entertainment.  

Until one day when my friend Emily and I were instant messaging and I could just feel everything starting to come out. Its easy to type how you feel, youknow. Thats why there are so many of us bloggers out there... its cathartic to write out how we feel. I might mention here, however, that a prayer journal is a MUCH more effective tool to not only write out how we feel, but to pursue an intimate relationship with God, as to where blogging just makes us temporarily feel better ;-) (preaching to the choir).

I knew that I needed to open up to the Lord and my husband. But lie #2 started to sink in: its too awkward to talk about it out of the blue.

Fact: it is awkward. Another Fact: it is worth it.

I found myself in the situation of so many others that I've counseled who have said "I just dont know where to begin".  My advice has always been to encourage them to start off with "i feel kind of awkward talking... i know i've been avoiding talking some things over with you...". Just start somewhere.

So, I had to take my own advice.

First, I had to open up to the Lord and confess my pridefulness. Hard as that was, it was such a relief. Knowing that there is something between you and the Lord is an extremely stressful place to be. Same with my hubby. He knew that there was something "off" and as much as we both didnt want to talk about it, we both knew it needed to happen.

I'll spare the details, but what is amazing is the closeness I've enjoyed since with both the Lord and Jeff. It was humbling to have to 1. have a conversation 2. admit that i was hurting 3. admit that i had been prideful.
But God tells us over and over that it is not a sacrifice that he desires but obedience. And in this case, the step of obedience that I needed to take was to lay down my pride.

So, I'd love to say that I've learned all there is to learn and that it would be fruitless for the Lord to allow me to go through another miscarriage. But I'm sure that's not the case. And as much as I dread these trials and would never choose to go through them, I also wouldnt trade the growth, spiritually.

² My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him..  -James 1: 2-5

This experience brought us to more life decisions, as well, which I'll talk about next...

Refining (Part I)

Do you know how a metal is refined to the point of purity?

The metal is placed in a fire and melted and impurities float up to the top and are skimmed off and the process continues and continues and continues until there are no more impurities. I like this explination:

Refining with flame is one of the oldest methods of refining metals. Mentioned even in the bible, refining by fire is the preferable method for larger quantities of gold. In ancient times, this form of refining involved a craftsman sitting next to a hot fire with molten gold in a crucible being stirred and skimmed to remove the impurities or dross that rose to the top of the molten metal. With flames reaching temperatures in excess of 1000 degrees Celsius, this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner.

I especially love that last line "this job was definitely a dangerous occupation for the gold refiner".

And so it is in our own hearts and our walk with the lord. Our Heavenly Father has chosen to take on the dangerous task of refining us... to the point of purity... the point of reflecting nothing but Christ.

I've shared on my blog in the past our experience of our first pregnancy which turned out to be ectopic and the journey the Lord took us (more specifically, me) on as we dealt with those facts. And I've shared about trying to get pregnant again and the continued refinement that the Lord worked in my heart. Then, there was Rhyan. My sweet, almost 4 year old! And I've shared about our loss between Rhyan and Mack. And then there was seeing if what I had learned through the loss of the 1st pregnancy had really, deep down, taught me to trust. Then we had our precious, almost 2 year old Mack.

What I have not yet shared is that we have experienced this refinement and testing once again.

Actually, the day that Rhyan and I left to go to Pigeon Forge with my family (back the 1st week in December), I had a positive pregnancy test! OH, how overwhelming and exciting and terrifying! All rolled into one :-) Is it just me or is every pregnancy that way?! The "OMG! I'm so grateful! So excited" tempered with "OMG! What have we done?!"  haha

So I called Dr Pohl that morning. Because of the fact that we've lost two in the past, one of which being ectopic, I'm considered "high risk" and have to call him as soon as I have a positive test so he can fit me in at 5 weeks to make sure the implantation occurred in the uterus and not a tube again. They scheduled me and said I needed to come in that day for a progesterone test (pregnancy hormone that sustains your pregnancy in the early weeks... actually the 1st trimester). Obviously, that wasnt an option since I was already in NC when we spoke. So, they called in some progesterone to a pharmacy in TN and said at the FIRST sign of spotting or cramping to get it filled and take it.

I ended up being fine for the weekend. I didnt get the Rx filled. I was extremely worried, however, when we went to Dollywood and I rode a kiddie ride with Rhyan. Stupid, i know. But seriously, it was a tiny little ride and I didnt even get butterflies in my tummy. I've seen preggo's ride that kind of ride all the time and asked if it was safe and they assured me that it was up to me b/c they cant be held responsible, but that yes, preggos do ride it safely.

When we got in on Monday, I went on in and had some bloodwork done. My progesterone was indeed low so I started taking it, but we also knew that i could be low b/c i was early in my pregnancy. But its better to be safe than sorry...

I went back 2 more times to check the levels to make sure the HCG hormone was doubling like it should be.

And by the end of the week, I had received a call letting me know that indeed, I was once again miscarrying.

I think the hardest part was telling Jeff. He really wanted each of our kids to be 2 years apart and was THRILLED to find out we were expecting again! So telling him pretty much was the pits.
He was, of course, supportive and understanding and saying that it was fine and we have 2 great kids and can try again later, etc, etc... But i know it was hard.

It took another full week for the miscarriage to actually start (the week before Christmas at this point). My only thought was "please let this be over by Christmas". Everything about miscarrying just stinks. And I was really hoping to be "done" so as to not have any reminders by Christmas Day.

If i sound calloused, its because I did kind of go through this pretty calloused. In the beginning, anyways.

And then the Lord started dealing with me...

Fun with Friends!

I love that around Christmas time, with the extra days off of work, we get to spend time with friends that we normally dont get to visit with very often... 

For example, getting to hang with these CRAZY folks from Oak Hill... the praise band! From Left to right there is me (singer), Randy (piano), Sonya (worship leader), Kyle (electric guitar), Ferrell (Drums), Bob (Singer or drums), Kris (Bass), and Keven (acoustic guitar). Love that Kris's "hair" is in Kevens nose.

I wanted a cute pic of my kiddos in their Christmas outfits at church... but they werent having it!

And then, there was lunch with THESE lovely ladies! Ash, me and my BFF Ang.

So, funny story (haha, right?!)... 

On the way home from our girls trip this year, I suggested that we all MAKE gifts for one another instead of buying. I was all excited when everyone (Lindsay and Angela) liked the idea. The problem? I forgot that 1. I'm not crafty and 2. I HATE crafting. *sigh*. None the less, i had found a pinterest idea I was in love with and was determined to make their gifts. I bought all the stuff. Started the project. Hated it. And never finished. And literally went to lunch empty handed :-( Ashley isnt so crafty either, as it turns out, so she bought us all bracelets and made some peanut butter ritz crackers dipped in white chocolate (yum). Ang, of course, crocheted us all a scarf. I love it (and am wearing it in this pic!). Lindsay made homemade tea bags (i think?) and dropped them at Angelas house for her to bring to lunch b/c she couldnt come (sick kid i think?!) BUT, ang didnt realize that the three bags were for the 3 of us and thought they were all for her and kept them. LOL! (and she didnt know that unless she's reading this b/c i never told her... haha).

So... operation "Card and a Craft" was a BUST! :-(

Still... these girls (plus the missing lindsay and april) are the BEST!

Random... what a beautiful sky!!!

Another Random: Mack has gotten LOTS of spankings for climbing on the back of our couch... yet he continues to think its worth it ;-) His "perch", as he sees it!

We also had a great time exchanging gifts and hanging out with our friends, Taylor and Shelby! They gave Mack this little Melissa and Doug "tractor trailer" carrying 4 cars and I'll be honest... he plays with that thing all. the. time! He loves it!

How absolutely precious are these friends?!

I'm so grateful that our friends live so close and that Rhyan, since birth, has spent time with them almost every week! Even in the summer we try to let the kids play! Rhyan has really missed Taylor since she started pre-k so these little visits are so fun!

SO grateful for a season that we have time to spend a little time with so many people we love!

Christmas Day!!!

Christmas Eve night!!! Woohoo!

Santa was a BUSY fella! :-)

 I try every year to think of something yummy that can become our traditional Christmas Day Breakfast! This year, I took the advice of a patient of mine and made Paula Dean's French Toast casserole. You are supposed to prepare it the night before so it can soak and then bake it the next morning. So this is the night prep... it took me forever! (mostly b/c i didnt know what I was doing and had to reference the recipe constantly).

 And we finally used our santa plate! (i forgot last year!!). We ran out of time to make cookies so we just put out some sugar cookies. Rhyan didnt seem to care and Santa obviously didnt mind!

 CHRISTMAS MORNING!!!!

The kids, at their current ages, are GREAT about waiting until we let them go see what "Santa" brought.

All Rhyan kept asking for this year was a "Talking Tangled" (Rapunzel). Well, they dont make such! So we kept talking up a singing rapunzel in hopes that she'd start liking that idea. Eventually it caught on and she was on board! She was SO excited to see that she got that doll Christmas Morning!!!

 She had not asked for a bike, but we thought it would be a great gift seeing as how her knees were hitting the handle bars on her tricycle! She was SO surprised and immediately got up on it and started riding it around the house! We were concerned that a 16" was going to be too big for her but the 12" looked so SMALL! We were very glad that we went with the 16... great size for her now and still has room to grow!

 Mack got a Chuggington Choo-Choo (he's obsessed with trains) and he plays with it daily! Love it!

 Notice Rapunzel in her "basket"

 I didnt get many pics of Mack with his toys because he was just kind of everywhere and looking all around but not really "playing" with anything... I think he was trying to figure things out :-) That little people ramp toy you see in the pic below is by far the BEST thing he got this year... he and Rhyan play with it DAILY!

 Gran and Grandad came by later in the morning to see everything the kids had gotten! 

And Mack, with ALL of his new toys, decided that the most exciting thing to do is to climb through our end tables in the living room. REALLY?!!??!

 That evening, we went to Gran and Grandad's for dinner (yum). And Aunt GAYE came!!! She lives in S.C. but has joined us this last couple of years for Christmas, which we've all really enjoyed! Its so nice of her to come so far and we all love getting to catch up and spend time with her! And she, of course, enjoyed getting to spend time with the kiddos, especially little Avery, who she hasnt seen much of! (our kids are "old news" haha... kidding)

Look at that sweet grin!!!

 Rhyan loves her little "baby Avery" (who isnt such a little baby anymore!!!) and wanted to hold her!

 AND... help feed her! How cute is that?! Liz is so good and sweet about letting the kids "help" with her and hold her... especially considering that Avery is their first baby! Cool Mom/Aunt points for sure :-)

 Mack, however, wanted to make sure that she had her paci in her mouth... whether she wanted it or not!

 Time to hand out presents!!!

 Notice that this big red gift has hands and feet but no head?! ;-) hehe

 Little Avery had a LONG day... a trip to SC to visit Liz's family in the morning and to visit with us in the evening... poor baby was in the car most of the day and didnt sleep very much. Holidays can be HARD with family who doesnt live close, I know. I'm SO grateful that ours are both local! So Liz was helping get her to sleep :-) Precious times....

 Aunt Gaye gave Rhyan and Mack some SUPER cute outfits! And a few toys! she spoiled them!!! Jason and Liz gave them each a couple of toys (disney characters! and for Rhyan a movie and Mack some "tools") and then an extra, surprise gift for Rhyan... a sweet gold cross necklace! She felt so grown up and loves it!
Gran and Grandad gave some SUPER cute outfits, too! And a couple of toys, too. They racked up!

 LOL!!!!!!!!

We are so grateful for all of the time we get to spend with our family at Christmas. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year!!!