I could list excuses... lets just say I'm sorry I was AWOL. Out of town, kids sick, etc...
And I mentioned that its common to struggle with sticking with something past week 4-5, right?
Yeah...
Time to REWORK OUR GOALS!!!
All goals must pass one litmus test. Does this goal lead our child to glorify God and enjoy Him forever?
Now, in revisiting the typical goals, we can compare some non-biblical goals to what some Christ-centered goals may look like. When thinking of social development, Tripp mentions that there are loads of parents who will send their children to private school (for whatever reasons as i'm sure they vary) but will send the kids to a dance class. I love what he says on pg 50, "They will refuse to have them influenced by secular humanism in school, but will expose them to unbiblical ideas of beauty in dance class".
He goes on to challenge us to ask ourselves why we put our children in activities to begin with. Is it to grow their self worth? To help them find something they are good at so they will be proud? So they will find friends? To trust themselves?...
While none of these things are "bad" in our culture, the bible calls it foolishness! God warns us to not trust ourselves. To not be dependent on ourselves. To not be prideful. Instead, it is in our best interest and will give God the most glory when we trust HIM. Depend on HIM. Boast only in HIM. So, while activities are fun and can be helpful in lots of areas of life, guard yourself and your childs heart that you do not look to fulfill a part of your life in an ungodly way via this vehicle.
On a personal note, I thought that the warnings Tripp gives about prioritizing practice for some skill while the family struggles to spend time in biblical disciplines each day is so convicting. It is my personal hope and prayer that until we prioritize our time at home more appropriately, we will not add more to our plate. How foolish to think that if we add more to our plate we will somehow plan better or that the additional activities will give us accountability in some way. "Ok, if we let our child sign up for ballet, we HAVE to start making sure we read the bible and pray each day with her or we'll have to stop ballet". Really? We're great negotiators with ourselves. And we may do better for a while, but we slip back and justify avoiding the spiritual disciplines.
About that... can i just say that instilling into your children the importance of spiritual disciplines is a HUGE GIFT!?! Take it from someone who grew up in a Christian home but who was never made to practice the disciplines. I saw my Daddy read his bible daily. Saw him pray daily. But never was it expected of me nor was I included. I'm not saying I'm some sort of victim... my Mommie and Daddy both came from homes where living a Christian life was not lived out by their parents. Each generation, however, has the opportunity to see where they have done well or could do better. And this is something I want to do better with my children!
"Abilities should be developed because God has given the stewardship of talents and special capabilities. Skills that would make your children more able to serve and open channels of ministry to others should be encouraged" (pg 50). LOVE THIS!!!
Moving on to the parents concern for their childs Psychological Adjustment. Did anyone else struggle with the example of how we should teach our children to deal with bullies? Did anyone else think, "yeah, i know its Godly and biblical to show compassion and love to everyone. But if someone hurts my child, I'll kill 'em"?! haha! Really, this is one area that is extremely difficult as a parent. But we MUST trust God! We MUST as parents practice this very truth of turning away wrath with a kind word. Things that seem against our culture are the very things that set us apart (sanctify) us...make people wonder why we do the things we do. And then we have the opportunity to share that its our love for JESUS that makes us do this! And that, my friend, is how God is glorified!!!
The concern of seeing our children "Get Saved" is of upmost importance to all Christian parents. Of course it is our greatest desire that our Children would accept Christ as their savior. But I love what Tripp says about this, "Perhaps one of the problems with this perspective is that it looks for a major spiritual event of salvation and misses the spiritual process of nurturing your children...
It is our task to faithfully teach our children the ways of God. It is the Holy Spirit's task to work through the Word of God to change their hearts."
Its interesting to me that somehow as "the church" we have come to accept that salvation comes as a result of a specific prayer. I'll admit that at one point as a teen, I felt it was "necessary" to pray a "sinners prayer" but really, I dont know that to be biblical. The issue i see with this is twofold: 1. the sinners prayer can be a false crutch for someone who may have said the words but never had a heart change and 2. for someone who has believed in their heart and confessed with their mouths that Jesus Christ is Lord but who has never gone to an alter and prayed this prayer, they may feel insecure in their salvation. Anyhoo, that was a rabbit trail. But just a word to all of us to look for REPENTANCE and FAITH not as a one time initiation to Christianity, as Tripp says, but as the way we relate to God. "Faith is not just the way to get saved; it is the lifeline of Christian living" (pg 53).
In thinking about Family worship as a goal... it is a MEANS to getting to know God. If family worship for our family is just another task to check off the list, then we have missed the point. Our family worship must be creative and flexible. And age appropriate! Do whatever you need to do to make a story real for your children! To help them to get into the shoes of the characters and to imagine all of the hopes and dreams and fears of these people as they obeyed (or didnt) Gods Word.
The goal of Well Behaved Children! OH, how I struggle with this! I get compliments daily about how polite Rhyan is. She says please and thank you and no thank you and you're welcome regularly, without being prompted :-) Makes me smile, of course. But why does it make me smile? I'll admit, its easy to take pleasure because when she receives a compliment, it is partially a compliment to Jeff and I as her parents. But this is a less than worthy reason to be pleased! As Tripp reminds us, "when saying 'please' and 'thank you' are rooted in what it means to look out for the interests of others, they become expressions of biblical love". When we train our children to be polite because they care for others and when they care for others because they love Jesus and see each person as His creation, it brings a deep joy rather than the superficial joy of knowing they are simply doing what is culturally expected.
And finally, the goal of giving our children a Good Education. Am I the only kid who used to get paid for good grades?! I've long since my school years understood the fallacy in this way of thinking, so it was so nice to see it addressed in a book :-) Dont get me wrong, I enjoyed making money off of my efforts. But in reality, my efforts were minimal. School was easy for me. In retrospect, my parents should have been more concerned with teaching me to do all things as unto the Lord. Because in all honesty, I was lazy and got good grades. Unfortunately, that is how school work was for me (please understand that I am not trying to brag about the ease of school work for me. I refused to take classes that challenged me in high school because i like for things to be easy... NOT a good trait). FAITHFULNESS of the abilities God has given me should have been my parents main concern regarding school. I'm so grateful to be married to a teacher who understands and agrees that the grade is simply a measuring stick by which we can see what we are gifted in or struggle with. Its interesting to me that we see it as normal that our kids are not great at every sport, yet we think they should excel at every subject. It simply will not happen. And we should not expect for it to! Faithfulness and diligence to work hard and do the best they can should be our hopes for our children in regards to education!
WEEKLY APPLICATION:
-As we continue to examine our goals, how do we replace our old goals with new ones? If we do not replace them intentionally and with thought, we are likely to do so unintentionally and unbiblically (think of a smoker who gives up cigarettes... they are likely to turn to food, etc)
-Continue to pray for discernment regarding your childs heart. SIDE NOTE/PERSONAL STORY: this week, Rhyan did something BIG in my book. She asked for a tootsie roll at 8am. A little early to start with candy ;-) I was on the phone but told her no (there was no mistaking my answer). A few minutes went by and I called for her with no answer. I looked down the hall and saw that her door was closed. I went in and saw her chewing on the tootsie roll. Her first question to me? "You gonna spank me, Mommy?". Long story short, she spit out the candy and we talked about how she had done what Adam and Eve had done; disobeyed and tried to hide it. We talked about how she has to trust Mommy and Daddy and even though she may think something is not a big deal, she must still obey. I asked her some heart probing questions and we talked some more. And then I spanked her. It broke my heart! It was the first time she had tried to hide her disobedience from me and it just broke my heart. Just a reminder that we ARE shepherding our children's hearts and we have opportunities to do so daily!
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