August 19

Last year, it hit me very suddenly and very hard that today was my Daddy's birthday.

Tears followed.
More like sobbing, really.

I was in our bedroom and Jeff walked in.... pretty sure he regretted that (as good of a husband as he is, i think he gets very uncomfortable when i cry... he just wants to fix it. and there's no "fix" for this).

This year, I anticipated it a little better. And I've chosen to think on the fact that he is whole, in the presence of Jesus and temporarily we are apart. Basically, he's gone to my home earlier than I.

And honestly, I'm happy for him. He wouldnt come back if he could, i'm quite sure.

But I wont lie, it still hurts.
I still wish oh-so-desperately that i could see my children get to know him here. If only for a short time, well, it hurts my heart too much to think about the joy that my kids and my daddy would bring one another.

I trust, however, that i will see them share life together... only, it will be where there is no heartache or pain or separation.

And until then, I'll spend every August 19th celebrating the fact that my Daddy was born. That God chose to allow him to be my (unconventional) Daddy. That he (daddy) chose to BE my daddy. And that for 26 years of my life, I got to be a part of his life, and he mine.

THAT is something to celebrate.

*I will forever miss you, Daddy. You are on my heart daily and there are times when i struggle so much with missing you that i find myself convicted that i miss our relationship more than i miss that of my relationship with the Lord when we are "not on great terms". You showed me what it means to love- you loved me unconditionally. You demonstrated for me how to forgive- on more than one occasion. You taught me how to study my bible- and even though you made me turn every single page of my bible individually before i was allowed to us it (it had "onion" pages.... very delicate and they sometimes stick together when new), I am so glad, as it served me well for over 10 years until I had to retire it (hello, Peter fell out!). You interviewed every guy i brought home and pretty much hand picked Jeff as my hubby (THANK YOU!).
I thought you were a terrible daddy to have in my dating years, btw.... turns out,  you were awesome :-)
You made me apologize and learn the art of humility- which i hated!
You were the best Daddy any little girl could ever DREAM of. I am honored to call you mine.
Happy Birthday, Daddy. Celebrate well! I'll look forward to celebrating with you again in person... one day.
Love
Peanut