Changed... continued

This sunday was... well... i'll just tell about it.

I had to teach Sunday School. Yes, the material (Changed into His Image) thats kicking my bootie had to be taught by me. Eek!

Terrilyn (my precious friend/sunday school teacher/photographer) is the one teaching our class right now and she was kind enough to 1st of all entrust this class with me and 2nd to meet up with me to go over the material so that I'd be prepared (and she'd feel comfortable leaving me in charge! ha!). We had a wonderful THREE HOUR meeting :-) I felt prepared.

So, this week was all about our own way. In other words, how is it that we each try to live life apart from God. How are each of us a rebel? Are we assertive? Do we simply refuse to comply or submit? Or are we more manipulative and quiet in our rebellion? Do we comply and go along with having the right actions/looking the right way because it gets us some sort of accolades? Some sort of attention? Or, are we the passive rebel who doesnt get involved? Who procrastinates or blames ignorance as the cause of their non-compliance? "I didnt know i should xyz", they might say.

If we're really honest with ourselves, we'll recognize some of each of these rebellious tactics in each of us. There are some areas of life that we blatantly refuse to let go of our desires and others that we find easy to let go of and submit to the Holy Spirit, because after all, our compliance gets us what we want anyways. So why buck the system?! And then some areas where we simply want to claim "i cant" or "i didnt know" or "i didnt hear you, Lord". We are all rebellious in all of these ways, but more than likely we identify with one more strongly than the rest.

For me, I'm the cooperative rebel. I tend to look pretty decent or maybe even "good" to the world. And i like it that way! I'm driven by a sense of duty and i loved it when, as a kid, i was referred to as "a good kid who never causes us any trouble". Heck, i still like it when people brag on me! I like the image I've created for myself. The mask I've made. Other people seem to like it, too, which makes me all the happier.

However, Berg states that this is "...nothing more than a lust (or obsessive desire) for winning... Surprising as it may seem, there are many of us who really try to be good, not becuase we are allowing God to work in our lives to produce His fruit, but becuase it seems that life has fewer snags when we stay out of trouble" (pg 53).

He also quotes CS Lewis and warns about the dangers of making life work by just being good:

If you have sound nerves and intelligence and health and popularity and a good upbringing, you are likely to be quite satisfied with your character as it is...A certain level of good conduct comes fairly easy to you... You are quite likely to believe that all this niceness is your own doing; and you may easily not feel the need for any better kind of goodness.

It is very different for the nasty people- the little, low, timid, warmped, thin-blooded, lonely people or the passionate, sensual, unbalanced people. If they make any attempt at goodness at all, they learn, in double quick time, that they need help. It is Christ or nothing for them...

Berg continues on, "If you are a nice person- if virtue comes easily to you- beware!...If you mistake for you own merits what are really God's gifts through nature, and if you are contented with simply being nice, you are still a rebel: and all those gifts will only make your fall more terrible, your corruption more complicated, your bad example more disastrous. The Devil was an archangel once; his natural gifts were as far above yours as yours are above those of a chimpanzee"... "as you can see, "being good" can be just our way of making life work without God" (pg 53, 54)

Ouch.

Is there anyone else out there who find themselves saying "oh my. thats ME!".

This statement rang so true to me that it broke my heart. It was hard to facilitate this lesson to our sunday school class without screaming "He's talking about ME! I'm the fraud who looks nice and finds it easy to be good and thats MY way of living apart from God!"

I was also on praise team this Sunday (this means i'm on stage, singing "back-up" like a doo wop girl :-) ). I was on stage, struggling with my complete unworthiness to be there, we started to sing this song (by my favorite group ever!) You Hold Me Now. You can listen to it by clicking that link...

Well, we got to the verse stating:

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

... and it hit me.
This struggle against my flesh... against my own desires... its never going to end. I'm never going to be perfect. The perfection that i so desperately strive for and desire is always out of reach.

Which is what makes Christ... well, sweet release. A sweet place of rest.

HE is the perfection I seek. Will i always struggle with my flesh? Yes. Until He relieves me permanently of the sin within me, i'll struggle. (dont misunderstand, we are NOT slaves to sin any longer if we've accepted Christ as our savior... but its always a struggle b/c like a cowlick, we have a natural tendency to want to go in one direction no matter how much we try to "tame" ourselves). But its in these times that i yield my desires to that of the Holy Spirit that I find the perfection for which i seek.

A taste of what's to come in eternity.

And that taste is enough to keep me fighting. To keep me wanting more.

I hope it does for you, as well.

Psalm 34:8 Oh TASTE and see that the Lord is GOOD; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him.