Celebrating Hallie

Today, I attended a memorial service for a not even 5 day old baby.

It should have been a sad, sad day.

And in some ways, it was. Thinking of the journey that my friends Katie and Chris have been on in the last 7-8 months (since the diagnosis of trisomy 13) makes my heart hurt a little. I hate to think of all of the sleepless nights and worry that is simply inevitable in these types of situations. It pains me to think of how, throughout the coming years, they will often think of how Hallie leaves their family incomplete.

But today's service was not one of grieving, but of celebrating!

Today, we celebrated Hallie.

We were led in worship to a song that was written for Hallie, appropriately titled: Halleujah. It was beautiful. Sounded like a lull-a-bye. And then the campus pastor shared followed by Katie and Chris. Another song, a message by Andy Stanley and one last song (how He loves us) and we were dismissed.

See, i can tell anyone how the service went. I can give logistics and timing and say it was great.

But it was so much more than great.

I was led in worship today. Seriously. It took all I had within me to not stand and make a spectacle of myself, raise my hands to the Lord and praise Him. It was incredible. Actually, the posture my heart truly longed to take was one of kneeling. And if it wouldnt have distracted the 500 people there from worshiping in their own hearts, I would have hit the floor on the aisle beside me (i'm sure it thrills my conservative hubby when I do the same at church ;-).

I was reminded that life is but a vapor. But not the typical "life is a vapor so live it to the fullest and live it all for the glory of God". Yes, that was a part, but a small part. I was reminded, possibly more importantly, that here on earth, our Heavenly Father pursues us. The creator of the universe pursues US and wants a realationship with us. That in the little time we have here, God uses every situation and relationship to draw us to Him.

I've known this all my life. But today, i was convinced that we are indeed worth everything to God.

Most all of us know the gospel. That God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever will believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16).

But Christ's life and death is only a fraction of what God has done/does to grow our relationship with Him.

He uses what is seen by the world as a tragedy to show His goodness. To show His love. To show Himself. And that is just what God did through Hallie.

He drew Katie and Chris to a closer understanding of what it means to have an eternal perspective through Hallie. I dont want to presume to know what all the Lord has done in their hearts through Hallies life. But i can share what He has done in mine.

God has shown me that His ways are so far beyond my understanding. That He truly can take the most drab looking situation and use it for good. He promised this in His Word and I've always know it. Again. In my mind. My intellect. But now, it resonates in my heart. So many things that I've always known to be true have now found a place of faith in my heart, not just my head.

So Katie and Chris, I am grateful for you. I'm grateful for your obedience. The obedience the Lord asked of you was not death on a Cross as He asked his Son, but it was profound and large and required discipline, none the less.

You have shown me the reward for obedience. A life that closer reflects that of our Savior.
I've said a hundred times through all of this that I'm so honored and proud to call you my friends. And that is true. But what makes me most proud is not your strength or your courage, but in your discipline to allow the Holy Spirit to give you strength that only comes from Him. To give you courage that only He can give. To see you empty yourselves and move past an attempt to control and to give up everything... that is what I most admire. And what I most desire for myself.

There are 2 ways to learn: live through something or learn from those who have.

We would all be fools to have watched Katie and Chris (and their entire families), to have seen Hallie's sweet face, to have had the privilege to share in this journey as best we could and choose to not walk away more disciplined, just as Katie and Chris have done, to lay down our desires for those of our Heavenly Father.

He has more than proved Himself through Hallie's life. And will do the same in ours.