I cant believe i'm about to type this... again.
I found out last friday that I was preggo. Today, one week later, i found out that i had a blighted ovum. You can read more on that here.
Youknow how when someone has been in a rare situation you just assume that they wont experience it again? For example, (true story my cousin shared w/ me)... there was a woman who was on the titanic when it sank. She lived! Now, one would assume that she would not experience that again... i mean, what are the odds? But true to life, she ended up dying on a boat that sank some years later.
Thats kind of what i feel like. Dont get me wrong, i in no way think i am beyond this situation. I in no way think that i dont deserve (or do deserve) it. Its sad and it happens a good bit. Part of me just thought since i had experienced an ectopic pregnancy before that i had paid my dues and it would all be smooth sailing after that. Apparently, life doesnt work that way.
My heart just aches. When we lost our 1st, i felt almost numb to it. I didnt really ever get attached to the idea (i felt something was wrong from the get go) of being preggo so while it was sad, it wasnt that upsetting to me. But now, everything is different. I have Rhyan. I know what i've just lost... the potential for another little Rhyan.
After having a child, everything is seen in my mind in relationship to her. So now, not only have we lost our baby, but we've lost her brother/sister. I know that technically it never got that far... believe me, i know all of the technicalities... but my heart doesnt seem to understand.
One thing i all of this is unchanging. "I have plans for you, saith the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future". Where would we be without Him? And what purpose would all of the sad things in the world have if they could not bring Him glory? So it is our prayer that our loss would be Christ's gain. That His name would be glorified. That He would be lifted up.
We appreciate your love and prayers.
