Mommy Guilt

For anyone who doesnt know, Jeff is a high school math teacher in Gwinnett County. He is also head J.V. baseball coach at his school. I am extremely proud of how well he does both of these jobs.

I am also, at times, jealous of how much time he gets to spend with Rhyan. When he is not in baseball conditioning mode (which he IS in right now... boo!), he picks her up each day that i work and gets to spend from 4 until I get home with her all by himself. I love, and i do mean love that Rhyan has such a good daddy who takes such good care of her. And i know that I get to be with her all day Monday and Friday by myself. But on the days I work, its hard.

I dont get home on work days until almost 6:30. She has usually already eaten dinner and often, Jeff has given her a bath already. This is really nice, because it allows me to just spend time with her and not having to do dinner duties, etc. At the same time, it really bothers me that we dont get to do "family dinner" together those nights. I think that dinner together as a family is very important. It was huge for my family growing up and I want it to be a big part of OUR family as our children grow.

It's only 3 days a week. I know. "be grateful its not 5 days a week!". I know.

Most days i AM grateful. Even on days that i'm all "woest me", i'm still grateful. Deep down. But tonight, I dont want to dig deep to find that gratefulness.

Tonight, I just want to be sad that for the 3rd week in a row, we've been making arrangements for someone different to either pick Rhyan up from Tracy's or for Tracy to keep her late. For these last few weeks of baseball conditioning, Rhyan has spent 11 hours a day with someone other than her Mommy and Daddy. Yes, she's still with family. But i still have guilt. Because it should be us. It should be me.

So, for tonight, i'm going to wallow in my sorrow. Cause sometimes you just have to do that.

Plus, i'm going off of very little sleep and am having that same pain in my ribs that i had when I was preggo w/ Rhyan (a burning, deep pain under my right breast that straight up hurts).

So, theres my pity party. Dont feel the need to feel badly for me... i know this, too, shall pass. And its quite likely that with these out of control hormones, tomorrow will be a good day when I dont mind the pain in my ribs b/c i know its because of my healthy, growing son. That i'll go to work and remember that there are thousands who would love to make a living working only 3 days a week. That i'll remember that my husband, who i've been missing, is still my super handsome hubby who is working hard to provide for our family while he works all these late hours.

But for tonight, I sulk. Because i've been missing my baby girl and best friend. I miss them: