Well, I completely skipped last TWO weeks post about "Changed Into His Image".
I can assure you, it was NOT because they werent great chapters. It was NOT because God failed to work in my heart.
It's because baseball season is in full swing and I have an absentee husband who is out of the house every morning at 6:30 and doesnt get home until after 7pm. Sometimes closer to 8pm.
We miss him.
And I'm exhausted. Too exhausted to even blog about the wonderful change in my own heart. BUT, its too important to just skip so here's a catch up of how God is changing me.
Chapter 4 kind of rocked my world (hasnt every chapter?).
12 The heavens are shocked at such a thing
and shrink back in horror and dismay,”
says the LORD.
13 “For my people have done two evil things:
They have abandoned me—
the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns
that can hold no water at all! - Jeremiah 2:12-13
In other words (as Jim Berg says it) "these people of mine have committed two great evils. they first show their rebellion by not coming to drink from My pure springs of water. as if that isnt enough, they further insult Me by trying to quench their thirst with the murky runoff water they catch in their makeshift cisterns. what a sad exchange! ...." (pg 67). He continues by saying that our own way is symbolized by the broken cisterns and will not work but that this is Gods secondary concern. "Forsaking God is the first and the most wicked of the two evils God enumerates here! We must understand that TO LOOK TO ANYTHING APART FROM GOD TO MAKE LIFE WORK IS TO FORSAKE GOD". (pg 68).
Berg teaches us in this chapter that we were created, by design, to be dependent creatures. If we look to any other creation, all things that are created require maintenance! "Creation inherently demands dependency. Man can acknowledge this about everything he makes for himself in this world, but he rebels against the thought that somehow he is dependent upon his own Creator" (pg 69)
Idk about anyone else, but i struggle with this fact so much. I am a prideful person in general. I take pride in the big and little things in life. I take credit for keeping it together when things are good and tend to blame my circumstances when i'm unable to do so. (I mention this because its becoming increasingly clear to me that if you blame circumstances when things are bad and your response is less than desirable, then you're probably taking credit when things are good. THIS is a huge sign that you/I are prideful in general. And how ludicrous are both of those scenario's anyways!). I like to do things for myself, by myself. I dont really want help. Generally speaking, I'd prefer to suffer through something w/o having any help, complaining the entire time, so that I can be prideful that I did it on my own. Brilliant, right? Yeah. Didnt think so :-( In fact, Berg says in his cliff notes on page 68 that "having an attitude of undue confidence and smugness that avoids and/or scorns the hel p of others- including God" is the real definition of self-sufficiency! OUCH!
However, even with the knowledge that i desperately need to be humble, my question to the Lord was this: "how can i be sincerely humble when i'm so naturally prideful? how do i "do" this w/o being fake".
Hmm. Kind of wishing I didnt ask that question to our Heavenly Father who cares more about the end goal of growing us than the growing pains required (in his infinite wisdom!).
I was humbled this week.
I felt slightly out of control of my emotions (something i'm fairly proud of keeping in decent check. Yes, i may sound crazy on the blog, but i try to allow very little of my craziness to actually impact other people). I was short tempered and felt unable to control myself. No, i didnt beat my kids or turn anyone into the victim of my road rage, but my emotions were overwhelming. And my inability to control myself on my own was HUMBLING.
I had a "come to Jesus" moment Tuesday morning after having a rough start to the day. My sweet friend and pastors wife, Brenda, had encouraged me to use my daily commute as a prayer time since I struggle to get up early enough to do so on work days. So i thought I'd give it a go.
I began asking God to humble me. I admitted to him that i know that of my own self, i am anything but humble (*btw, humility is so important b/c it makes us better servants. we recognize that God is in control, that we have been bought w/ a price and that we owe our lives to Him. But dont be mistaken: God is not God centered entirely! hehe. Our humility is for OUR good and His glory. By being in closer relationship w/ Him and serving God, we find our joy fulfilled. It is what we were created for, after all!).
God began to bring to my mind all the depths of my heart. He reminded me that "the heart is desperately wicked" and "deceitful above all else". How incredibly true! I've fooled myself into thinking that because my actions are not so horrible, that I'm worthy of some sort of credit. That I should be PROUD of myself.
Its laughable.
He reminded me that it is by his GRACE that i'm not a complete mess (most days). He also reminded me that what good does it do to look good on the outside when the heart is such a mess!
I cried the entire way to work. And i begged that the lord HUMILIATE me constantly. That each time some pride snuck in for him to please, Lord, humiliate me either publicly or privately.
Yes, i cringe at the idea of being called out on my deeds in public. But i know that it will be worth it to see God work and move in my life.
Tuesday evening was a tough night. Mack cried from 5:15-7pm pretty much non stop. And Rhyan cried because Mack was crying. And i couldnt help but to think "why am i not feeling the urge to jump off the balcony?".
I truly believe that the Lord showed me just how gracious he is to those who humble themselves into a submissive role. It was one of those "lightbulb" moments when a couple of books meshed together and I was reminded that parenting is not about me. Its about me being a servant to God himself as I act on his behalf to raise these children. I am in direct submission to God! How humbling is that? He is my boss in this "job". Anyways, I simply saw my kids with love and compassion and was so gentle with them. I swear, i felt like the Lord Himself had invaded my body and was taking care of my children through me.
And then I was thinking, duh! THATS what the Holy Spirit DOES! When we yield to Him, we experience these miraculous moments of submission when the Holy Spirit can truly work through us and in us and we can be about HIS work.
It was an amazing night.
One that convinced me more than ever that, Yes, Lord... i desire to be humiliated so that I may be useful for you! My hope is that, like most training periods, the worst is in the first few weeks or months as I grow and learn to be less prideful. As i remind myself that it is by Grace that i have been saved through Faith! Not of myself, so that I wont boast!!!
How refreshing to renew my mind and remind myself that my detriment has been that i have bought into all of the lies of the world and have chosen to believe that I am capable of life apart from God.
Ok, back to the book. Cause its better than my experiences :-)
Berg discusses the fact that most Christians would consider it heresy to assume that we could do anything to earn Gods salvation. We are humbled by our sin and accept the payment by Jesus Christ for our sins that are so overwhelming that theres no way we could ever be justified, short of His blood. That is humbling!!! But often, after having accepted the Lord as our savior, we walk away with "fire insurance" and count our salvation as an "experience" and on that is not likely to be repeated (in emotion... and there is clearly no need for the exchange of his blood for our sins more than once). So we leave the alter with our eternity forever altered and then return to our "old life" or "our way" of doing life.
Take a moment to read John chapter 21. This is exactly what Peter did. The disciples walked with Jesus. Saw the miracles. KNEW the truth of who he is. But then, Jesus died and the disciples were shaken and all... ALL... returned to their old way of life. But Jesus speaks to them post resurrection and (among other things) reminds them that they are to CONTINUE the work that He began.
The SAME is true for us! We give our lives to Christ and then pick up our old life and go on as if nothing has changed. We, for some strange reason, carry our salvation around like its a membership card of some sort of country club. Proud that we are part of the "elite". As if our salvation has ANYTHING to do with our ability! God tells us over and over in His word that it is HE who calls us to Himself. How gracious is he!? And what about that is for us to be prideful over?!
Point is: we all know we must depend on the Lord for our salvation. But the following is equally true: God wants us to have the same dependent attitude after salvation!
Colossians 2: 6 says "As you have therefore recieved Christ Jesus, you must also walk IN Him".
Acts 17:28 says "for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’
"Humility is not only the start of the Christian life; it is the start of everything godly in the Christian life"- Jim Berg (pg 74).
So. How does God humble us? He may
1. Send us a problem we can't handle to expose our helplessness
2. Give us a command we wont obey to expose our self-centeredness.
3. He may arrange an outcome we cant control to expose our sinfulness.
4. He can show us a God we can't comprehend to expose our finiteness (Hallie's life did this for me!)
And what would be YOUR next step?
If God is trying to expose your lack of humility in the way you handle life then the first step is to repent. If you find it difficult to be humble, confess this to God. Your knowledge of what God needs from us in order to be used by Him supersedes any "feeling" we have! (thank you , lord!). So confess it and ASK Him that he might give you a spirit of humility. If you are like me, this will need to be a daily and likely an hourly prayer for you.
I'll leave you with this fabulous quote:
"God is not impressed with our abilities; they came from Him. He is not impressed with our opportunities; they are gifts from Him as well. He is impressed only with our humility; it testifies to our sense of dependency."
So the question is, Is God Impressed with Me Today?
If He would not be, you can change that. Let the change start right now by spending some time telling your Heavenly Father that you struggle with humility. And trust that as He has promised, that anything asked according to His will, will be done!
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