Hello. Again!

The days are long and the years are short. That's my excuse. My reason as to why its been a couple of... umhmmm... years since my last post.

Long story short, we've experienced a season in life that was pretty trying for me. To recap for any newer blog readers or any who just weren't aware...

Jan 2014- Mommie passed away
March- we put our house on the market. Had a full price offer in less than 24 hours. Had to be out in less than 2 weeks. Let the clean out of my childhood home begin 😲
April- got moved in. 5 days later, leave for our first ever trip to Disney which had been planned for a year.
June- begin renovations on the house
July- move in with Jeffs parent's as renovations continued.

Have I mentioned that at this point I was 8 months preggo with our 3rd child??? 

August- Rhyan started Kindergarten. Moved into finished reno. 5 days later, gave birth to Lainey.

Then insert a bunch of postpartum hormones and emotions and sleepless nights.

January 2015- Holidays are over. One year of Mommie being gone has come. And grief finally set in. There were no more chaotic renovations or moves or vacations to hide under.
September- my uncle Jonathan (who lived with my Mommie and we were very close to) passed away. More grief. More loss. More tears.

So. I didnt blog for a long time. Mostly because I didnt want a written record of life during that time. And I didnt feel I had anything useful to share. Just sadness. And while, YES!, there was the joy of having Lainey (what a bright spot in a hard time), for a couple of years, I would describe my tone of life as surviving... putting on a face... trying to get through each day but with a big cloud over me. And thats not something I wanted to record or even share. ("Hey guys, come read my super depressing blog where i try to find something positive each day but really you can tell its all a farce"... aren't you sad you missed out on that??? HA!)

Now? The proverbial sun is shining again. And I've learned a lot. A lot about who I am. How i deal with things. How i try to NOT deal with things (and how poorly thats worked out for me...).

I've found joy again. Not because the grief has gone.. but because I'm learning how to continue living as someone who grieves instead of someone who lets grief define her.

And I cant help but to think that maybe, it might be helpful to someone else to share how the Lord has brought me to a new place.

I'll admit that i'm scared to share. Scared that in the same way that you say " knock on wood" when you put something out there, feeling it may have been best to leave it unsaid and a secret... for fear that now that its out there, you'll be tested once again. Yeah. I'm scared. But I'm also learning to trust more each day that everything is "...for (my) good and for His glory...".

Because indeed, it is.

So! While my main purpose in writing again is to live life with more introspection, taking time through the week to reflect on what is going on, and to have a record for my kids when they're older... I thought that we might be able to learn from each other. And maybe just have a little fun along the way.

Random Photo dump

Some of our random activities from November and December!

Our small group was so so fun this semester!  We really enjoyed getting to meet some new people in our church! In our church we do a thing called "Walk through Bethlehem" which is where we spend a week reaching out to the community in a variety of ways. One such way is by providing Christmas for a BUNCH of families. Each of our small groups are given a family to provide for and a gift card from the church to go shopping for the family. But we also always ask our group to consider how they might go above and beyond the provision that giftcard will provide (its usually $150 per family). Our family had 4 kids this year so we decided to all shop individually for items and then go to dinner and shopping AS our Christmas party for the group this year! It was SO fun! And no pressure on anyone to clean their house! And we didnt have to add another outing (shopping) on top of planning a party... lets face it! ITs a busy time of year! So combining this was an awesome idea by our group! Dinner at 5 guys and shopping at Walmart! And let me tell you... i was SO impressed by the generosity of this group! Each kid (remember there were 4!) got a couple of toys, games, 2 sets of shoes, 4 outfits, 2 pj's, a new winter coat/hat/gloves, socks, pencils, sleeping bags... and some other things I cant remember. It blew me away!

Random pic of our little sweetie. This girl may look like me, but her fun personality is ALL Daddy!

And here, in case you didnt know, is Paul Bunyon! Rhyan is very into drawing life size things these days :-)

Speaking of big things... Rhyan thinks she's a big girl these days too. And she IS! Wow! I took her with me to do a little Christmas shopping (she loves trips with just the two of us... quality time is definitely her love language). We went to lunch at her fav... CFA... and I let her trade her book for an icedream. Well, she wanted to do it solo (i was sitting right by the counter so i was literally 10 feet from her). She looks SO big to me! We had a great time!

We had some really nice weather in November and December this year and so we took advantage! We were sure to get outside as much as possible... mostly because thats Lainey's favorite place to be!

And if anyone ever wonders why I never have pics of Mack... its because he's back into a phase of refusing. Boo. But I do get the occasional pic when he's unaware... I do love being able to drop him off and pick him up one day each week at school... he's just such a big boy! Bittersweet!

And how PRECIOUS is it to see my big girl reading to her little brother?!?! And helpful, I might add!

Our office had a Christmas party this year and did our traditional white elephant/dirty santa ornament exchange. Well... we worked together to ensure that the Grinch (my choice) and Darth (Jeffs choice and his second Darth ornament) came home with us. And my sweet coworker made each person a melted snowman ornament as a gift which I thought was really cute!

Our whole crew... spouses included

And our crazy work crew. Gotta love Dr Jones elf outfit. LOL!

We also enjoyed our small group coaches dinner with our fellow coaches! So what is a coach? Well, we lead small groups each semester but because Jeff and I have been doing it so long, we also basically encourage other newer leaders. We just kind of mentor the leaders and answer any questions, etc. Its really neat to be invested in by our church and our small groups pastor, Matt, and then to have the opportunity to do for the other leaders what Matt does for us. Basically, our church is big and has to use a tier system to make sure everyone is encouraged and has someone to go to for questions, etc.

This is a pic taken December 12. How crazy is it that it was SO warm that Lainey was running around in a onesie!?! Nuts!

All 3 kiddos dont play together often (its usually Mack and Rhyan together and they try to lock Lainey out so she cant mess up their stuff! sad! ha!!) but when they do, its precious!

Lainey is all about brushing hair these days, too, btw. Her own. Mine. Rhyans. Its so cute to watch her!

Now THIS, Mack not only allows pictures of... but DEMANDS it! :-) He is the sweetest big brother!

I have permission to post this so I"m not breaking HIPPA. But one of my sweet patients is now a self published author! I'm SO proud of him and i bought 2 of his books... one for me and one to give away!

And youknow i LOVE some comparison pics but never post any... well here is Rhyan on top at 9 mo and Lainey on bottom at 12 mo!  People tell me all the time that Lainey looks just like her big sister but I just didnt see it... till this!

And heres a comparison with me in the middle. My girls look nothing like me!

More bath pics... this is where this girl is happiest! She LOVES the water!

Funny story... I went by CFA on my way home from the gym one morning to pick up chicken biscuits for the kids and Jeff (not me!). Well, the kids didnt want them bc aparently cereal is better?!?! Anyways... I cut one in half and ate 1/2 and left the other 1/2 on the table while we took Rhyan to school. Well when we got home, it was missing! Spud had gotten it. Well a few minutes later I saw that Lainey was eating something. She had found where Spud had hid his biscuit and was eating it! Eww! But she was SO pleased with herself. It was hilarious... and she wasnt about to give it up. HA!

My little project... our family wall! Finally done!

How my baby girl sleeps. She loves to have her blankie over her face. Odd thing... when I was little I always slept with either a bear or my cabbage patch doll so i could put it against my face. Not to sound too weird but i think bc of my nostrils being so small, air feels very cold to me when I breathe. I like warm air as cold air makes my head hurt. So i've always had something over my nose as i sleep. I still do to this day. So it looks like she gets it honest :-)

More beautiful, warm weather in December! (This was before the never ending rain came!)

Daddy playing with Lainey... she loves to play rough and wrestle around!

I have GOT to brag on my girl. She had been playing outside and when she came in her shoes were muddy. Well she took them off once inside, but not without getting the rug all dirty. I mentioned that we need to take muddy shoes off OUTSIDE on the porch before coming in. Before I knew it, she was cleaning it all up and telling me not to worry, it was clean now. Love that girl :-)

And finally, Lainey is learning to eat quite well with a spoon these days! She's had the fork down pat for a while, but the spoon is harder. She's doing great though!

And that completes my random stuff for November and December :-)

School Christmas Party

Rhyan was so excited about her Christmas party! Partially because she knew it would come with tons of TREATS! But mostly because she was so stoked that BOTH Jeff and I (and the kids!) were going to be able to attend! This year Jeff has made a real effort to attend things at her school (he took off two days to go on her fieldtrip that was cancelled both days... and went to lunch with her one day and then attended her party! Thats huge for him!). And she loves sharing these kinds of things with Mack, her "best friend".

When we arrived, the kids were all at recess so Jeff took the time to read to the littles while I helped the room mom get the craft tables set up. They had some super cute crafts!

I was so impressed with how Mrs Wiley interacted with the kids and how attentive they were! She NEVER once raised her voice, yet the kids were all paying attention despite their excitement!

Mack was excited to get to participate in the crafts, too, since some were FOOD! ha!

Gotta love the "fireplace" in the background on the whiteboard, huh?! LOL!

BAHAHAHA! This cracks me up!

Jeff and I took turns helping the kids at the crafts tables while the other chased lil Lainey around!

Obviously it was getting really close to nap time for Lainey... she really did love the book!

Lastly, on the way out I saw one of Rhyan's writings hanging in the hallway and snapped a picture.  I just love reading her thoughts on things and seeing how her writing is growing! So proud of her!