Hello. Again!

The days are long and the years are short. That's my excuse. My reason as to why its been a couple of... umhmmm... years since my last post.

Long story short, we've experienced a season in life that was pretty trying for me. To recap for any newer blog readers or any who just weren't aware...

Jan 2014- Mommie passed away
March- we put our house on the market. Had a full price offer in less than 24 hours. Had to be out in less than 2 weeks. Let the clean out of my childhood home begin 😲
April- got moved in. 5 days later, leave for our first ever trip to Disney which had been planned for a year.
June- begin renovations on the house
July- move in with Jeffs parent's as renovations continued.

Have I mentioned that at this point I was 8 months preggo with our 3rd child??? 

August- Rhyan started Kindergarten. Moved into finished reno. 5 days later, gave birth to Lainey.

Then insert a bunch of postpartum hormones and emotions and sleepless nights.

January 2015- Holidays are over. One year of Mommie being gone has come. And grief finally set in. There were no more chaotic renovations or moves or vacations to hide under.
September- my uncle Jonathan (who lived with my Mommie and we were very close to) passed away. More grief. More loss. More tears.

So. I didnt blog for a long time. Mostly because I didnt want a written record of life during that time. And I didnt feel I had anything useful to share. Just sadness. And while, YES!, there was the joy of having Lainey (what a bright spot in a hard time), for a couple of years, I would describe my tone of life as surviving... putting on a face... trying to get through each day but with a big cloud over me. And thats not something I wanted to record or even share. ("Hey guys, come read my super depressing blog where i try to find something positive each day but really you can tell its all a farce"... aren't you sad you missed out on that??? HA!)

Now? The proverbial sun is shining again. And I've learned a lot. A lot about who I am. How i deal with things. How i try to NOT deal with things (and how poorly thats worked out for me...).

I've found joy again. Not because the grief has gone.. but because I'm learning how to continue living as someone who grieves instead of someone who lets grief define her.

And I cant help but to think that maybe, it might be helpful to someone else to share how the Lord has brought me to a new place.

I'll admit that i'm scared to share. Scared that in the same way that you say " knock on wood" when you put something out there, feeling it may have been best to leave it unsaid and a secret... for fear that now that its out there, you'll be tested once again. Yeah. I'm scared. But I'm also learning to trust more each day that everything is "...for (my) good and for His glory...".

Because indeed, it is.

So! While my main purpose in writing again is to live life with more introspection, taking time through the week to reflect on what is going on, and to have a record for my kids when they're older... I thought that we might be able to learn from each other. And maybe just have a little fun along the way.